Death is everywhere.
Death surrounds us all, but one doesn't start to notice that until you've reached a certain age.
My 2017, ended with a ty month.
One of our good neighbours passed away first, a neighbour we've known and grown to love in almost 10 years ..
Then came Jonghyun's suicide.
Followed by a close relative.
2017 came to an end, and not even a week into the new year;
A dear relative passes away as well.
2018 has been ok this far, I've had some ups and downs, but it's been an ok year this far. Sadly, the peace didn't last long.
What I've dreaded the most is aging, because the more you age, death will follow those around you even more. And it's a scary thought, but sadly, that's how I think ..
I worked from midnight till 8am today, and I'm woken up at 1pm by a message from my father. I ignored it and went back to sleep, and when I woke again an hour later, I finally read it.
Another important relative of mine has passed away. A woman I looked up to. A woman I considered a second mom, because she cared for me just much as my mom does. The thought warms my heart even now, but I still feel the aching in my chest .. She was a very important lady for me. Sadly she passed the day after I'd gone see her at the hospital. Her husband told me outside the room that she might not last the night, but I didn't believe it. If it hadn't been for me having to go for work, I'd stayed with her throughout the night. I regret leaving so bad.
2018 won't be a good year for me, I already know it. I can feel something bigger is about to happen and that will end my will to do anything. I'll turn into a huge failure and everything will just go downhill for me. And it sure will be hard getting back up again. Why I say this is because I think I know what will happen, but if it doesn't .. Maybe 2018 will be a better year once my heart has had time to heal. I've been struggling so much with anxiety lately that I don't know what to do with myself to calm down. Usually writing stories helps me calm down, but it hasn't helped much lately. Which is why I haven't been updating much ..
I hope you all understand me .. I wish some time to think and to heal mentally. It's been to much for me to handle lately and I don't know if I can handle another situation like this again.
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