hi yall if u dont know who i am im kyulilo who wrote that one jongin fic that one time that got featured and huh so yeah, anyway.

ive been thinking, like i've been writing for a long time, since i was around ten-ish? i started writing when my grammar was ty, my was vocabulary limited, and i had plotholes every where ft. my differing writing style from time to time--but i had fun writing back then.

i do have fun writing now, but ive been feeling like i keep overthinking it now. how its not as good as how i wanted it to be, how the depiction of scenes i want to play out arent as good enough as it sounds in my head, and how i'm burdened by my own plot bc i want this and that but dont have the energy to write all the long scenes bc i just wanna get to the point. like, i want to reach this part but i dont want the story to progress that fast. bottom line is, my brain .

and i hope all that i wrote up there is something normal all authors go through. but i have one thing i hate more than all of those writerblock funks bc i can get over that pretty easily when i see the outcome and people giving feedback.

i cant write happy scenes.

i feel like i put way too much of my personality into my characters and they always end up as this sad, depressing person who thinks of death as the answer to all of their life problems. it . normal people aren't supposed to feel like that- i feel like i end up romanticizing suicide in my stories? idk if my readers actually notice that, but i do, and it irks me. every time i attempt to write this bubbly, strong oc, i just end up with them having some tragic or sad backstory and dark inner monologues that i never intended to put inside the story. sure, some stories i have written with sad characters in my mind, and those are fine.

but the ones i want to make different! it always ends up taking a little bit of me!

and every time i write happy scenes i feel like the outcome is lackluster, like the emotions are fake as i read through my own writing, like no one can actually enjoy the scene bc it was written so artificially. idk if this is true, maybe its just me. i try so ing hard to make a fluff scene or whatsoever, but it ends up being flat, and im so frustrated.

help. is anyone else experiencing this? has anyone reading my stories noticed this? can anyone tell me what i should do to get over this?

thanks ily all <3