Often.

Often they ask me, where have you been? Why are you disappearing?

I just smile to those questions.

Am I really disappearing? Or is just you who don’t want to find me?

I just smile to those thoughts.

So I said, Im here. Always been here. I never leave.

Often.

People show me they care.

So often, people shut me off too.

Or at least, its what I think.

Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Right?

Often, I ask myself.

Are you really there?

Why do I need you so much?

I have God – who can listen to me everytime and everyday for day and night.

But, why did I still longing for you?

Because Im just a human. A weak one.

Which man is capable to keep everything just to himself? Tell me, is there anyone who can keep everything inside?

You`ll explode someday. Because the load will be heavier than before.

More or less, you`ll need somebody.

To hear you out.

To pick you up when you fall.

To pat your back when you are tired.

To teach you something when you cant do it.

You`ll never can do anything alone. That’s what I learn.

But, when there is no one for you to reach out. What can you do more?

I just smile as I think about it.

Because I don’t know what can I do anymore.

Now, I just let everything slide.

Now, I just let everything by pass me.

Now, I just let everything go.

You, the others, myself

I just let it go.

Because im tired trying to hold everything.

Im tired to hold your hand, yet it always slip away.

So, I just let it go.

Be free now and don’t worry.

I will be okay. Even when im not.

Because I know you know the truth.

You know me inside out. You know it.

Or maybe you don’t know anything too.

I cant blame you.

Often, I blame myself.

Because of my selfishness.

I do understand.

I know I cant have you just for myself.

You have others too. Others need you too.

I do understand.

And that’s why, I think, I should turn my back.

Because of this heart longing for you, but I know I cant always have you to be with me every nights.

The truth is I miss every each of you.

But what can I do.

I just smile to those thoughts.

As I drowning deeper in this loneliness.