I'm writing this post because I want to simply put my thoughts out there.

I came from a pretty conservative family, like we don't talk about having safe or ed in general, I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend until I finish school, I can't drink or smoke, I can't wear revealing clothes, I can't hang out too much around boys, I can't go anywhere without texting my parents first, heck, I even text them the driver's name, plate number, and taxi number of the cabs I get. My parents raised me as the typical prim and proper Filipina girl, and I seriously thought I was going to burn once I stepped inside of the church after I have done something wrong or even thought about something inappropriate. And yes, I came from a Catholic family. 

I'm from that kind of background, and all other Filipinos would understand how difficult it is to be a teenager in the 21st century with parents as strict, conservative and traditional as mine. But I got no complaints about their so-called "rules" and I have always been the good girl that they raised and expected me to be. I'm comfortable about not going out too much and not seeing a lot of boys because, to be honest, I'm not really interested in engaging in relationships anyway, and I guess one would expect, I am such a home girl that I'm not particularly interested in the prospect of going out clubbing or partying and taking drugs or what not. No thanks, I'd like to keep myself clean thank you. 

But you know, sometimes it all gets too much. Especially when it comes to issues of mental health because as expected from a family like mine, my parents seem to view the idea of "depression," "stress," or any other mental health issues to be so "appalling" to the point that they don't want to hear me mention or even talk about it.

The thing is, I have my own unique way of coping with stress.

Since I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't go around having with random frat guys, I don't party, I don't rave, I'm just plain old boring me, how am I suppose to unwind and relieve myself of stress? Well, my ed up brain thought of one easy way, I simply cry. I know it sounds pathetic but hear me out. Crying may actually be good for you. There's a study about this that there are people who cry not because they want attention, or they want pity from other people, not even because they are hurt or some dramatic like that, because I don't cry for those aforementioned reasons. I cry because after some time, I feel better as if an entire boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. 

People say it's such a pathetic thing to do, crying, because it solves nothing. I beg to differ. It actually calms me down. In my own opinion, it's better than bottling it up inside. When I feel very emotional and stressed, and I just want to get away with everything but I physically and mentally can't, my body copes by simply letting it all flow out. All the heavy emotions, all the burdens, and all the worries I have. I don't feet better immediately, but after about more or less an hour after the last tear I let myself have, I suddenly feel so much better. 

And I don't even feel weak whenever I cry, or after I cry. I feel stronger somehow. Like this act of weakness (although I don't consider it as such but many people do), crying, ironically gives me strength. It allows me to empty my thoughts and my feelings. Once I feel empty, I know I can start again. Like I've re-charged somehow. It's surprisingly therapeutic. 

I just feel disappointed whenever people tell me "it's no use crying over spilled milk" because that phrase is certainly not objective. It doesn't apply to all people. To some people, maybe it applies to those with different perspectives in life, but for people like me, I cry over spilled milk because it's even more useless bottling it all in. I appreciate those who are brave enough to face their emotions, to let out their feelings and just express their stress and relieve themselves of it. It's so much better after you realized you've let yourself be free of your worries. Sure it doesn't solve the problem but it keeps me healthy up here (points at my brain). It keeps me sane, it keeps me going because I know that whenever I feel like its too much, I have the physical (God-given) capability to cope with the troubles and realities of life. 

And I am proud to exercise my right to cry. (Is that even a thing? Let's make this a thing. HAHA) I'm proud to be brave enough to show my emotions. I am proud to be brave enough to know that I will never give up. I am proud enough to know that sometimes I just need a break. My eyes may be swollen afterward, one downside of it, but it's all worth it for me. The lightness that I feel in my whole being is so much better than the previous heavy burden crushing me right at my shoulders.

I know people will judge. "She cries because she's such a weakling." Yeah, you have your own opinion but before you pinpoint unwarranted judgments, hear me out and to people like me, hear us out. We all have different states of mental or emotional health. We are human beings for crying out loud and we cope with life in our own unique ways.

It's so easy for people to shrug off matters about mental health issues and even in our modern day society, we are still denying its existence. We pay so much attention to our economy, politics and useless politicians, or even towards living a healthy lifestyle and eating a well-balanced diet, but we forget that in order for our economy and polity to be as prosperous as we want it to be, we must first ensure that our people are healthy, not only physically (in terms of the food we ingest) but also mentally. If everyone in the country is a megalomaniac then what would happen to humanity? I know it may sound extreme and it may not even be possible, but if one megalomaniac in one country in the West and another in the East think that the prospect of nuclear war is okay and it's all about showing the other country, the so-called "enemy," that we are such a force to be reckoned with then think about that situation happening but with more megalomaniacs involved. Seriously, humanity's mental state of mind could cause the apocalypse! (Maybe not, I'm just being overly dramatic, but you get my point).

Instead of denying people who say "I'm depressed" or "I'm stressed" and telling them, "Don't you say that!" or "It's just your mind playing tricks with you!" Why don't we offer our help? Maybe they just need someone who would ACTUALLY listen. Someone who will not blabber about "it's okay, just don't think about it," or "we've all been through that you just have to deal with it," or "stop moping around it won't help you either way," or even worse, "stop being so depressed." I tell you, we don't get to choose whether we feel stressed or depressed, we don't get to choose whether we feel down or not, it's similar to that of a cough or cold, we don't get to choose when to have it or not. WHY CAN'T SOCIETY JUST ACCEPT THAT IT JUST HAPPENS? It's not like we can just say "Okay I'll stop being stressed or depressed" and then magic it's suddenly gone. 

Why can't people simply stop talking some nonsense and just listen? Listening is the first step. If we want to make this place a better world then stop and listen. 

I'm writing this in celebration of the National Mental Health Week in the Philippines which will happen next week. I raise awareness for mental health issues and I hope people of our generation, millennials, will have a more open mind in addressing the subject matter. 

I'd like to hear your thoughts so I hope you don't mind me leaving this here. 

Thank you very much for reading this too long of a rant and I hope you stay wholistically healthy, and that you know, it's alright to cry. 

I love you and you got this,

-merecat x.