The reason behind my writer's block

 

 

So, today since the moment I woke up I was able to write three sentences of the next chapter for Game of Lies and then I got stuck again. I tried to found inspiration really hard today, walking around my neighborhood, listening to my favorite playlist, listening to the OST's of my stories (TST & GOL), reading my favorite poem book (Love & Misadventure by Lang Leav), watching some old GTae fanmade videos, GD's interviews, Tae's interviews...

I did notice whenever I watched something about Tae I would get soo happy and excited, but whenever I focused on GD I did smile but did not feel the rush I felt in the past while seeing things related to him. 

A few minutes ago, I scrolled down my Instagram and found more information about GD & Joo Yeon. Tbh, when I found out about GD dating scandal I was just finishing the TST update, which is the longest chapter I had written in all my life and I remember seeing the article and feeling just this strange feelings. I really felt so sad. I know this is stupid of me. I know he deserves to be happy and if Joo Yeon provides happiness to him I should wish them the best, but I remember I was so heartbroken and even when I felt that way, I pushed myself into finishing the TST update, so I wrote 1,500 words more without having the time to really understand the magnitude of my feelings and just hid all those feelings deep inside my heart and never went back to cope with them.

Since that moment, I have just been able to write 1 chapter. And tbh, I wrote that GOL's update because I really needed to de-stress from my ty life, but now that I don't really have the constant mental stress of working somewhere I don't like and I have this so much free time, I just can't make myself to write about GTae. Only until now I understand is because I really still feel kind of sad because he is dating her. Is not that I believe that he will marry Taeyeon. Is not that I don't want him to be happy. Is not that I am being selfish. Is just that I am so emotionally attached to this crackship that it hurt me. I am sure if Taeyeon would have been caught in another dating scandal I would also feel the same way. 

I don't know really if this makes sense or not. I don't know when I will be able to snap out of this stupid, unfounded sadness – all I know is that when I get past that, I will be able to write again, and I really want to write! 

Right now what would make me really happy would be to know that Taeyeon is dating someone else... Because that would mean that even when both of my bias are not together they both are having a joyful life!

 

Does this make sense to anyone?  :'( 

 

 

Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
chaeki_sunsky #1
I feel the same. But I think dealing with it became easier when I have loads of university stuff to do. For many years, I've been stanning these two and Taeyeon has been my ult since idk when. As for Bigbang, their songs were literally the background music of my high school life. I love them so much. But it's not until 2015 that I started shipping gtae. It's hard to not be attached to this ship especially when you allow your self to feel the slightest hope for them. That was my fault, but I don't regret it. I think I've felt all kinds of emotions in shipping them. The happiness, the giddiness, the thrill for WWIII (LOL) then comes the disappointment, emotional crisis, sadness (Nana, Sulli, Hara, etc...) and then going back to shipping them. Unhealthy af, right? I think just last week I almost forgot that GD is dating (if he really is), listened to old BB music and I unexpectedly found peace. I'm such a music fan and that experience just affirms how much I owe and treasure my faves, how much happiness and comfort they've given me primarily through their music...so I can't begrudge them their own happiness. But of course, it's hard because I just can't always keep my emotions in check like that. But I try my best in keeping my heart in the right place about this. This is not the first time GD dated someone else while I'm shipping gtae anyway and I'm staying in the ship as long as it's not harmful because I want to. Of course, I'm aware of the consequences of staying (aka heartbreak) but this ship still makes me happy...ok I actually don't know the exact reason why I can't stop shipping them. I know we have different ways of dealing with dating news. I also took a long hiatus from being a taeyeon stan after her dating news and I'm glad I found myself stanning her again when she went solo. I can't escape her lmao. You do whatever you have to do to find your own peace and you can also talk to me, I'm All Ears. Your readers ain't going anywhere and are staying with you anyway...or at least I am. Himnae!
exotaeng_sparks_99 #2
I understand that feeling. I have this feeling of emptiness and uncertainty awhile ago when Taeyeon was reported dating BaekHyun while I was shipping her with Sehun. It’s like my first ever ship in my entire life and that’s the reason why I found this website to read fanfics. I understand you. It’s reasonable for you to feel like that. When I found out the news of Baekyeon, I kind of break down to. I felt hurt, sorrow and even betrayal =))) I don’t know why. At that time, I left everything behind: stop reading news, reading ffs, focusing too much on her. After a while, I felt relieved that she’s still my ult bias and I come back here become a Gtae shipper. I don’t know what I’m trying to say now, it’s really complicated. But I understand you and I’ll wait you to come back stronger than ever!
macoku #3
I get the feeling and I have told you my theory. U are in the phase of denial. Since u were so used to seeing them together, but this should be in ur advantage maybe? Since ji was coming for revenge on Tae , but since you got stuck it means you were thinking of a happy ending? :p to be honest I have seen lots of accounts in insta that relate him with lots of girls, what is surprising is what happened to GdHara, GDSulli? They caught (i think was planned, the photos were too easy to capture, they were like posing ) him and Kiko in a frame and he didn't say anything about it. What I have to mention is that after being related to Him, the girls popularity gets skyrocketed. Ahjumma insta's followers were raised by a few k and what she does becomes news. From someone who was unknown to famous in one night. Suspicious. I will pm u smth maybe that will help :p fighting
tarannum #4
I thought your writer's block might have been caused by something else but if this is the reason then I completely understand. Let me open up author, actually I was completely devastated about GD's latest scandal. I always thought there would be someone special for Jiyong, like someone who matches up to his level of success, respect, love from the general crowd and fame wise etc. So when the Gtae dating news broke out I was so thrilled as they both are from south korea's number one girl and boy group. They seemed right for each other no actually perfect. But Jooyeon tbh I never knew about her . I knew after school club and only the member Uee from there but no one else was famous enough to grab any of international attention and so as the South Korean fans. I saw so many ppl after the scandal (both Korean and international) fan commenting on gd's Instagram about not knowing Joo yoen at all before the scandal/filter video of them. So she is really not 'that' famous or known to us. Hence ppl are so confused about this scandal as well as myself. From the looks of Jooyeon's insta account she does not look like the typ of ppl God hangs around with and I'm sure u know all of his friends such as soojoo soonho Amber the owner of 99percentis so yeah they're personalities don't match at all. God was always the type to like extravagant people but Jooyeon u can't even find proper videos of her on YouTube or even proper info of her on Google. She so less popular tbh again nobody knows her. So am I upset yes I am. Gd is my ultimate ultimate bias in the world of kpop so it hurts me . I was so happy with Taeyang's wedding tho and I congratulate him to be the happiest with Min hyo rin and it's not just me literally everyone loves them. So I want someone like min hyo rim who matches up to Taeyang's personality and level as a celebrity. That is what I want for gd not someone who we don't know and just out of the blue. I wish baby taeyeon would someone her level as well. It's ok Sansi don't force urself and if you want to talk about this more we/ I am right here so u can always open up. Good luck!
slyverin #5
I feel the same thing too when i read about gd dating news. Sometimes i still feel sad when i see his update and ppl link it to jooyeon.but hey this happened since kiko, nana and other girl that he dated before so i told myself it's okay if they are not together in reality at least i can read about them being together in the fanfics.that's y i keep on reading about gtae.. and sometime when i feel like the sad feeling come back i will look into the gtae edit and get the feeling back.. dont force ur self author.take ur time..remember the satisfaction of reading what u thought of and seeing the fruit of our story (comments by your reader). This too shall pass..himnae
lizharuharu #6
I thought Taeyeon was dating Baekhyun? Anyway yeah I understand you and at the same time I don’t, with Boy groups I tend to not ship them with any girl group members for this reason, and because I would be jealous, this is why I like oc stories. In truth after being GD’s fan for so long I couldn’t help but be like “eh if he wants to date her he can” although Kiko was probably the only one I can’t stand him dating idk why but I just don’t care for her. I hope your writers block goes away soon though. :)
Back to Top ↑