Actually I don't know what to write here because I don't really like telling what I really feel to anyone, but I saw some blogs about "what you really feel for last year" and I think I will give a try to write one or two things that I had been feeling in 2017. And also maybe to clear some misunderstanding too~

The truth is... I'm a very insecure person.. (I just realized about that last year.. I think I've been masked it too well to protect myself that even I didn't realize it before..) I know about that when I knew about Hoya (my Ho Oppa~ ♡) departure from Infinite.. I had some close Inspirit friends and suddenly I thought 'will they still want to be friend with me after Hoya departure from Infinite because I will always love and support him no matter what??' That thought suddenly came to my mind, I don't even know why...

That thought sounds so childish and it's like I didn't trust my Inspirit friends.. but it's actually because I didn't trust myself.. and I didn't want to lose them..

I rarely have a luck in my friendship life and often get hurt.. I almost always be neglected a lot by my real life friends and I often feel that I'm always been replaced by someone else... I don't know why my "real life friends" did that to me before.. because I always tried to be a nicest and loyal friend to them.. that's why I once lost hope in my friendship life..

Then one day I met my Inspirit friends and other friends and they are my precious friends that I could feel so loved as their friends, so I didn't want to lose them...

But then... something happened...

They wanted to try to be friends again with the other friends.. it's a very good intention really, but I knew some of them had hurted my precious friends and also had hurted me... then I was worried about it, I don't want them to get hurt again.. but I think my way to voice out my worries was wrong that we misunderstood each other...

I realize now that every bad things that happened to me in my friendship life is my own fault... that I always hope too much and people always easily misunderstand me.. I always thought if they know me they will easily understand me, but then again it's me being hoping too much.. and actually I always dream and hope that I have a friendship like in every stories I've read since I was a little... but perhaps for me a perfect friendship like that is only a dream... I don't want to think like that, but after my broke friendship with my precious friends, I realize that an ideal perfect friendship that I always dream of is not real..

But then again... I'm a curious person.. I will still try to find my ideal friendship that I will always feel happy and comfortable from my heart no matter what~

Just maybe I shouldn't have hoped too much this time... but I'll definitely still be a nicest and loyal friends to them~

So~ if you want to be my friend, just come to me~

Just like most of the people in this world, I always hate to be alone, I hate loneliness.. so I will keep trying~ ♡

(little kitty = me ^^)