[Warning: LONG post, just about the little things in life... if you like a good read, please do tell me your thoughts! For the small note, please just scroll to the end.]

My Ending Post of 2017, or Everything Up Until Now. 

Introduction

Hey guys, so it's been quite a long time since I posted about personal things, but here is a massive update on everything going on these past few months of college (and more). I suggest you read this only if you have free time, as I don't want to waste your precious time going on tangents about all the sh*t that's been happening (good and bad). Grab some popcorn, lay down, get comfortable... hahahahaha just kidding, it's not THAT long... (deja vu); enjoy this blog post and post your thoughts and comments below!

Honestly, if you guys wanted to start anywhere, feel free to. You don't have to read the whole thing, that would take a mighty bit of your time lmao.

The beginning of October was pretty fun. It was that feeling of connecting with new friends and also hanging out more with my 'sober squad.' Honestly, meeting the sober squad changed my whole outlook on college life. I made 4 new friends all of whom I can say I've truly enjoyed being with. And surprisingly, we all met through one car ride to Baylor University, which was a few hours away from our university. There was a Mid-Autumn Festival (external event) there, and we were assigned to that car since we weren't going to go to the 'after party' which was basically just an excuse to drink a lot of booze. l o l. And somehow we became great friends, one thing that made me super happy, as I didn't really make 'friends friends' yet; I only made friends that helped me with schoolwork.

We all were connected because of Korean pop as well; there was one girl in my car (let's call her Alex) and she's a huge fan of Super Junior and BTS... and we honestly started talking a LOT more in the car ride (it was hella awkward at first since none of us knew one another) when she mentioned that she bought all four versions of the Love Yourself album (ballin!!!). One guy, let's call him Ken, used to listen to a lot of K-Pop and occasionally sang with us in the car, as another dude (Bryan) was blasting Korean pop (specifically Monsta X and Nu'est). Bryan actually made a K-Pop club back in high school called the "Oppa Klub" (l0l) and they have such amazing T-Shirts.... if I could buy one I would've. And the driver was Bryan's cousin, Dan, and let's just say he became cultured on Korean music. In fact, we're all cultured with different genres of music so that's why it's never really boring hanging with them. They are so lenient with everything so it's just a good mix. 

We started hanging out a LOT more after the Baylor external, as Dan and Bryan had a dorm room suuuper close to mine. I now go there at least once a week to hang.. Their dorm room is super cozy too, with flashing colored lights and a warm rug and a bunch of bean bag chairs and all that good stuff. Alex and Ken come over occasionally too. We would usually play a bunch of card games, listen to music, study together, eat snacks, and drive out and hang at other places such as boba and desserts. So yeah, October was hella great so far.

My crush (Kyle) and I hung out a LOT in October. There were intramural sports happening, which meant that the organization that I joined and other organizations would compete with one another in sports competitions. One unique sport at my school is 'Battleship,' and no, it's not the board game ahahaha. People actually get on canoes and have buckets, and they have to scoop up water and toss it into other people's canoes and try to sink the canoes before their own canoe sinks. It looked really fun and I'm glad I got to spectate it. We won some, lost some, but my most memorable part of the whole thing was that it ended pretty late in the night. Kyle offered to walk me home that one time and I was hella nervous and excited and happy. Things were just so good. 

He also likes to take pictures as a hobby and he shot one that I really liked while we were having a rock-painting mixer. Of course, being him that was taking the picture, I was really shy and reluctant to smile but I think it turned out great... at least, my hair was!

My birthday came around in early November and I received the gifts of stronger friendship bonds and stronger love for others. I don't know how to explain it exactly but I honestly stopped looking forward to materialistic gifts (although I love giving people both materialistic things and things from my heart rip). Some officers of my organization took me out to eat Thai food at night and it was great for the price. I was just so taken back that they were willing to drive me there and treat me out and everything, it was just so kind of them and my heart was definitely touched that night. 

But rewind a little bit to earlier that day on my birthday. My crush Kyle had taken me out to eat burgers and although it was a little awkward at first, I ended up talking lots to him and walking around and stuff. Kyle had asked me while we were eating burgers if I had any eyes for anyone in our organization... and I, being the honest person I am, said 'yes.' LOL. yeah, I know, I should've probably just said 'no comment,'(like what my friend Bryan would always say when he was stuck between a yes or no answer), but I just had this feeling of possibly telling Kyle about it. 

So he kept asking for hints afterward. I probably should have stopped right then and there. But I didn't. Dumb me. 

It was around 5 A.M. when Kyle decided to fall asleep after asking me for a TON of clues on who this mystery person was. And when I went to sleep, I ended up crying a lot. I guess I felt like I was jeopardizing our friendship because I knew that he finally figured it out (after like 15 hours lmao). I knew he knew that I liked him, and I found myself unable to sleep much that night. My birthday honestly turned a little sour afterward.

For a week straight, I kind of wanted to avoid seeing my crush Kyle but at the same time kind of wanted to see him more and talk to him like usual. But the 'like usual' part wasn't there. Whenever we did have conversations, I would get an awkward vibe, and I'm pretty sure it must've been more awkward for him. It was pretty bad. I had a horrible week after my birthday, and I fell into a slump. There were exams to be taken care of and just everything was crashing down on me. It was u n p l e a s a n t. 

My crush Kyle's birthday came up around 2 weeks after mine, and I had gotten him a /materialistic/ gift haha. I got him a Rip n Dip shirt as well as a pink v-neck, and a card with stickers attached to the card. This was the second time I was giving a legit gift to a guy, and well, I don't regret it at all. But let's save that story for a few paragraphs later.

My best buddy's, Dan's, birthday was the exact same day as my crush Kyle's! So I had gotten him a card with stickers on it. 

Yeah, I also filmed a video of him reading it and all just for the memories haha, but I'm going to exclude that since it's a little /too/ personal. 

OK back to my crush Kyle. Well, I invited him to my dorm room to give him the gift (and I spent like an hour cleaning my room RIP). So he came in and after giving him the gift, I was pretty happy that he liked it and then we had a small conversation while sitting on my bed. 

But then afterward, he was like "Is there something else you have to tell me?"

I had feared that question was gonna come. I had mentioned a few weeks earlier to Kyle that I'd tell him who my crush was if he came to my dorm on a Friday (his birthday being a Friday so I could give him the gift). I was hoping he'd have forgotten I ever said that, but I guess that doesn't happen when he knows that it's him. I kinda wish he hadn't asked that. 

It was a very awkward confession but a confession nonetheless. I told him that I liked him, and then I ended up just sitting on my bed, covering my face because I didn't know what to do afterward. 

I kinda knew it would end up like this, and it did. 

"Look, Kathy, I'm very sorry but I don't think it's the right time for me to be in a relationship right now." 

"I like you, but not in the way you might have wanted me to. I like you in a father-daughter kind of way." (he was my 'parent' for a 'family' that i joined in my organization).

"And I'm really sorry if I did anything to lead you on."

And I just sat there, nodding my head to his questions, and on the inside, I was dying but also relieved that it wasn't a harsh rejection. I ended up crying a lot after he left and I was so so SO glad my roommate didn't come in until like an hour later when I was asleep. 

It was a pretty lousy day, but I accepted it.
Only Dan knew about my confession and had wished me luck prior. 

I was pretty much in a huge- slump afterward, worse than the one from exams. I just didn't seem to enjoy anything all that much anymore, and I became more shut-in which wasn't a good thing at all. I felt myself becoming more detached and whenever there were hangouts that I did attend, I don't think I enjoyed it nearly as much as I should have.

But I can never say this more to have met such great friends in college. Like for real. Dan had his afterparty for his birthday where we went to an all-you-can-eat buffet, and I ate my sorrows away. I had four plates of sushi and a bunch of chicken wings and lo mein and all that good vegetable stuff. I basically stuffed my face with a bunch of food and I guess I did get some glances from my friends but screw it, I was sad and hungry and I wanted to just drown myself out in food. And by the time I knew it, my friends were cheering me up and cheering me on as well.

After the buffet dinner, we went to an upperclassman friend's house to play some card games and board games. We played this one game called Loaded Questions, where someone basically asks a question from a card and all of us answer the question by writing our answers down on a piece of paper and then the question-asker has to guess (from our papers) who answered with what. 

There were a lot of wack answers (ex. 'eating ,' ',' 'touching ,' etc) but then there were a bunch of sentimental answers that got people S H O O K. I think I answered one that was really sensitive and shocking. It was a question about the scariest thing you've done and I wrote about my confrontation with a potential on the streets. There was a major conversation that followed after reading our answers and I got to know my friends just a tad bit more from their experiences and memories. 

Some of the answers were very sad, and in the end, most of us ended up crying together and hugging each other and I felt like we bonded a lot more as friends after that board game. So yeah, thank you Loaded Questions. 

After the game, we just ended up chatting and talking about our values and about communism and whatnot, and by the time we knew it, it was around 3 in the morning. We were pretty hungry so we headed out to eat pancakes (Yay, more things to eat my sorrows away amirite).

After that came December and the dreaded final few weeks until final exams. I ended up getting two A's and two B's, and for me, I am content with that kinda. I hope to do better next semester. I also finally bought pieces for assembling a mechanical keyboard and I'm very excited; unfortunately, I kinda ordered them to my college mailbox so it's stuck at college right now when I could've been assembling it here at home (I'm on a month-long winter break ayy).

I started playing MapleStory again, and after hanging out with various friends, I found myself slowly getting over Kyle. I'm actually very happy at the moment while typing up this blog post and I hope to stay a good level of happy, not too happy or else I'm going to be hella sad if something bad happens. I don't want high fluctuating emotions. I want level ones so that I can pick myself up if need be. 

I also would like to say I made another close friend over the break; he's someone who I've talked to a bit in college but we never really hang out because we live pretty far from each other on campus. But I definitely plan to hang more with him next semester and I'll make the effort to walk to his place haha. He's a really chill guy and I found that I can talk about my problems with him and him to me as well. It's a good tradeoff.

End

Anyways, to you guys, you AFF people, and especially to those here on AFF whom I've talked to and loved for a very long time, I hope you guys have a great 2018 coming up ahead, and even if it isn't as great as you guys wanted, I hope to stay talking to you guys as well as remain here on AFF to socialize while reading some pretty cool mystery fics while I'm at it. Here's to more feed posts and blog posts. Let's all remain healthy and keep one another in check. And to AFF in general, thanks for being here so that I can make a blog post about my life without having to bother my IRL friends about my problems, as I'm too scared of being a burden to people. 

By the way, my arms are fully recovered now (or so I've heard); so hopefully, I'll be back into the poster making business. See you guys soon in 2018!