(This is crossposted from my RPR account Gremlin)

I suppose it's about time that I said something in regards to Jonghyun's passing. I know it's not required to say your piece, but I'm a firm believer in coming to terms with tragic events that have happened. I am still grieving, and everyday since I heard the news has been hard. Even attempting a smile seems wrong, but I keep reminding myself that Jonghyun wouldn't want SHAWOLS to feel this way. I understand why he did what he did, and I don't fault him for it. I only wish that we, as fans, would have been strong enough for him like he was for us, and that this raises awareness for other idols within the industry that may be feeling the same way. My heart aches when I think about the memories that won't be made and the smiles that won't be shining. Still, my concern lies more with Jonghyun's family, friends, and colleagues, because they are feeling this much harder than anybody else. I want them all to take breaks and allow themselves to heal before throwing themselves back into their work.

I know that seems like a distant dream, though, as it's unrealistic.

I wish companies could be more considerate of their idols and view them as the humans that they are.

And to the fans: be there for your groups, feel free to spread the cheer, but please refrain from posting or sharing any of the pictures/footage from the funeral. It was meant to be a private matter, and we have no business viewing that pain. The world is lacking respect, and this event shows that through and through. Protect the wishes of the family and also the wishes of Jonghyun.

Wherever he may be, let him shine brighter than any star and let him make music for him. 

There are no more expectations for you to meet but your own now, Jonghyun.

I am so incredibly grateful that I was able to see you debut and grow from boys to men. I will cherish every memory and legacy you left behind, because I rather dwell on the happy memories than let myself fall to the "what ifs." You deserve more than that, and I regret not being able to realize that sooner. I consider you and the rest of SHINee as part of my family, so it was hard to hear about your passing. The first day, I was in shock and went about my day pretending what I heard was just some ill-timed rumor. The following day, though, it all came crashing down as I was drowned by reality. You were gone, and I didn't know how to process that at all. I speant the entire day sleeping, and if I wasn't sleeping, I was crying. I'm crying even now as I write this, but these new tears are tears of understanding. I am letting you go because I know you couldn't be happy on this earth, and I just pray that wherever you go, you find that happiness we couldn't give you.

I'm happy that my first tattoo will be in honor of you. I designed it myself, so I hope you're proud of me. I was never one to experience pain, always the one to flinch away if anything meant I could get harmed, but this pain will be worth it. This pain means I am able to carry your memory with me to my grave, and that's the most important thing to me. I'm also filming a video for you of a duet with my friend. It may not be for one of your songs, but Taemin's Goodbye is a song that resonates within me, and I feel that it is the best connection I could ever make to reach you. 

Keep shining bright~

You will be missed.