I don’t even know when was the last time I opened this account and I’m sorry for that. Another thing is I don’t know if I’ll be able to continue my stories anymore. I know I told you I will finish them but I just… can’t. It doesn’t feel right. I feel so empty.

December 18 2017

It was around 6 in the evening I think, Philippine standard time. I was just eating my dinner when my school mate called and I was the only one at home. She’s a huge fan of Kpop with EXO as her bias group. We got teamed in a contest and we’ve been close since then. Our conversation goes like this.

Her: Mami (she calls me that) Jonghyun died! And to think it’s on my birthday!

Me: Jonghyun who? Lee? Kim? (And to think I’m laughing at her cause it’s just too ridiculous)

Her: SHINee’s Jonghyun! One of your bias! (Key was the other one)

Me: Baby, stop saying things like that. He just did his concert a few days ago. (I still didn’t believe her)

Her: Believe me! I’m not lying. It was something about poisoning and monoxide something. Please! Check the web or something.

Me: (running towards my other phone) Quit pranking me Bejay, its not funny. I know I didn’t bought you any gift but stop this nonsense.

Her: Please just check the web.

I did as I was told and I typed in “shinee jonghyun dead”

There was a news article which was released just 2 minutes ago that time and my hands were shaking when I opened the damn article, praying that it was not true. It was about gangnam police confirming his death and my body became numb. I was reading the article with tears blurring my vision. I kept on telling my school mate on the other line, “, this is not true. He cant just die like that. This is not true. This is not true.”

After that, I called my best friend who still doesn’t know the news. She’s just like me. Crying while saying that I’m pranking her, that it’s not true.  How I wish it was. That it was just a dream.

Two days passed and I still can’t take it in. My parents knew how much I love SHINee. My room’s full of their posters but now, everytime I look everywhere in this four-wall room, my heart clenches so bad it’s not even funny.

They’ve been my inspiration ever since I was 14. Now, I just turned 18 a month ago and I just can’t express what I felt. Maybe its because of the distance or the fact that I can’t attend his funeral but somebody help. I feel like being suffocated. I just want to let this all out. My heart won’t believe what my mind already knows. I know this may sound overly dramatic but that’s what I felt and im sorry if you think that way. I don’t care what you’ll think of me.

I just feel empty. I’m sorry for my readers (if there are still any) but I just don’t have the strength to continue my stories anymore. Maybe someday, I’ll continue them but it just doesn’t feel right. I won’t be deleting them though. Goodbye.

xoxo babes, love yah.

bluefloral

YOU DID WELL JONGHYUN.

REST IN PEACE.

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