I honestly have never been so upset in my life. 

I've been a Shawol since 2009. And the fact that Jonghyun is gone.....i still can't believe it. 

I was up really early this morning, taking my mom to work. When i got home, that's when a notification popped up on my phone and i read the news. 

I am so heartbroken. Jonghyun was such a beautiful, real, sentimental and talented man, and he will surely be remembered and missed. 

But what is really hurting me is that i keep thinking of how those who knew him feel. Shinee, other SM artists, other kpop stars/idols/actors. I can't imagine how they must feel to have lost him. Everyone must be devastated.

And i have two regrets that will haunt me for a long time.

One: i will never see them perform as 5 in person. 

Two: I had a chance to when they came to Vancouver, Canada this past Feb. 

But instead i spent my savings to go see exo in LA.

I REALLY regret that i didn't go now, and i can't take it back and I'll never get another chance. I promised myself that i would see shinee the next time they come to the US, or with Smtown if they come. 

I can't even cry, sleep or eat because I'm so heartbroken. I don't know how I'm going to get over this. It's always sad to loose someone. But Jonghyun?? I don't think anyone truly saw it coming. 

I keep reminding myself that he's gone to a better place, and that there's no more pain and suffering. He was an angel in life, and I'm sure he's an angel in death.

Anyway that's my sad rant, if anyone else out there feels the same. Please don't be afraid to express yourself. And talk to someone. Never be afraid to reach out to someone.

My condolences to Jonghyun's Family, Friends & Loved Ones.

Much Love,

Mishab