Let me share this song to everyone... http://www.mediafire.com/file/qa9waqyeyjr7rid/One_More_Light_Cover.mp3

I recorded it in Chester's memory... and now, I offer this as tribute in Jonghyun's memory. He was my first bias in SHINee and I've known them even before I became a SONE back then as well as a MeU. SHINee held a special place in my heart because they were introduced to me by my bestfriend who got me out of deep depression back in college. My childhood was laden with depressing matters and only my mother somehow caught wind of it (and as much as she tried helping me, it was always there, lingering at the back of my mind and it still is now) but I hid the darkness so well that not even those closest to me could detect it. 

I'm one to forego help and like Jonghyun, would prefer facing my own demons alone and somehow attempt at defeating them by helping others. I had this notion that if I helped others get through their own ordeals, that I might push away those dark thoughts but it's not always the case. When I moved out of my own country, alone and away from the people closest to my heart, I appeared apathetic about it, choosing to appear cheerful and excited while others were in tears. That same best friend of mine whom I left in my own country told me that she cried when she found out that I'd be moving away. I merely smiled and hugged her, attempting to cheer her up despite the deep heartbreak I felt inside. I've always played the anchor for everyone around me, from my parents to my friends. When my grandparents died, I held my mother up when she was in great grief at the funeral. When my friends were down, I was always ready to give a hug or some good advice. 

But I kept my problems on my own. I preferred to be alone. I had this sense of duty not to bother others with my problems. And as much as I have a great support system, my depression looms over me like a plague breathing down my shoulder. It has always been there ever since I brought it to life when I was a stressed out child and had nurtured it through years of being physically and mentally bullied and drained in elementary and secondary school. It's actually a miracle that I have survived this long given the time frame. It comes as a random thought, a notion and I would often joke about it or make it as a passing remark, but my best bud in college caught on and confronted me about it. I've tried it subtlely, but she knew and she stopped me, made me promise to live not just for her but for those I held dear. And so, I did and I'll keep that promise until death greets me as a friend whenever that will be. 

I'm sorry, Jonghyun. And yes, you did well in life. May you be happy wherever you are. You're one more light lost to us, but your light will always flicker and remind us of your presence. It's not a last goodbye, but a see you later because, after all, all of us are headed that way one way or another.