I woke up this morning to news I wasn't exactly ready for. My mother confirmed a big change in our lives. I left my phone on my room and carried on talking to her about the changes that would be happening over the next 3 to 6 months. Then I come back to my phone and my counsin's told me he's upset. I thought maybe he brok up with his boyfriend, but it was much worse. He spelt Jonghyun's name wrong so I thought maybe one of his friends passed away, but my stomach flipped and I decided to google. Shock of my life. Who would have known?

tbh. I thought the one to be looking out for was GD because he's almost 30, he's open about his vulnerability, but then I realised its the ones who aren't open about that stuff that are the most vulnerable. He got a lot of cosmetic work done so that should have served as a sign of unhappiness, but who were we to assume or know?

Jonghyun was truly and still is very much is one of the GREATS. 

His voice is what kept me such a large fan of SHINee. I remember when the Sherlock album came out, the minute is was released, I asked my mum if I could buy it and she said yes. I still have it on my old iPod. That was the year I was the biggest SHINee fan but they were the first male kpop group I listened to in 2009/2010. Them and BigBang. 

Even today if you were to ask me who my fave singers are Jonghyun would be among any three I'd name. 

What makes this more heartbreaking is that before I went to bed last night, I watched a video compliation of Jonghyun being funny. I wondered what it would be like to laugh with him and drink coffee with him or just smile in passing and say "I think you're amazing,"

I'd like to think that, if there is an afterlife, he's happier there and he knows he did well in this life. He's been such an inspiration to me and others, showing that hard work and dedication really does pay off. We'll never forget about you.