honestly... where do i even begin?

a large part of my youth revolves around kpop. i started listening to bigbang during LOLLIPOP/LIES era. that was like.. when i was 12? 

i can't help but to be emotionally invested when it comes to bigbang, but more so gd because... no brainer, he's my ult.

i feel like i know him, and at the same time i dont. that's the reality of the distance between an artist and a fan. but just loving him from a distance is enough for me. not in a creepy way tho, im not into that .

which is also why i am sad and happy at the same time that MOTTE happened.

MOTTE.. the concept is about G DRAGON VS. KWON JI YONG. who is who? are they the same person? what's the essence of this so very personal tour?

im not surprised to witness jiyong's body language during this whole tour... he just seem so lonely, if not lost. i know this is quite a hush hush topic but i'll just speak on it anyways. i feel like his breakup with kiko really devastated him. he had an emo era after that (those who know will know what im talking about) and i know he moved on to nana after that but nana is a different person and im sure it's still hard to erase a whopping solid 6 years (at least) of memories with someone. 

that is one.

another one would be the blessing and curse of the fan culture. you know what it is.... all the flashing cameras in his face, chasing, screams, etc. i personally do not like airport pictures, unless those taken from afar. i find them extremely disturbing and a violation of space (im saying specifically about close ups or within close proximity). then there are crazy people who speculate on his relationships and comment on it and even go as far as to hack peaceminusone... i would feel suffocated too if i were him.

i think after chasing after fame and a successful career for so long... having it all makes him realize that all he has might not be what he actually needs. i mean, we are all human. in his songs we know how he feels even about people who approach him just because he's rich and famous. that's so ing sad to be honest. that you have to have your guards up when you meet new people and you always have to fear being taken advantage of.

i hate those who say he asked for it. celebrities come with fame and everything in a package but that doesn't mean they deserve being thrown at them. they don't deserve loneliness. they don't deserve intrusion of privacy. they don't deserve being picked apart for every single thing that they do behind the screen or stage.

his mannerisms in MOTTE is truly Kwon Ji Yong. i think we can all tell the difference.

just look at OOAK tour and tell me that his persona as "G-Dragon" is the same person as Kwon Ji yong. i'll laugh at you.

i'm glad that he's being vulnerable. i dont care that people may think MOTTE is more boring because of the setup/etc [as compared to the high expectations set by prior performances from GD]. it's like him finally saying..." guys, i'm tired. i need to rediscover who am i stripped bare of the name GD. this is me. take it or leave but i still hope you'll like it."

and of course i like it. of course i'll like kwon ji yong. his performance value for MOTTE no longer is about the big cars on stage or his rich man cane or stuff like that. it's about kwon ji yong standing on stage as himself, performing to us.

i cannot thank him enough for being so open about himself. it's about time now. he dont need to put on a brave front if he's scared. he dont need to pretend to be happy. he dont need to pretend it's all a bed of roses with his achievements thus far. he dont need to be what we expect him to be. he dont need to hide behind the persona of G dragon.

and i'll love him no less for that.

it's bittersweet that this tour has ended, but this has truly been a successfully amazing tour. i'm so proud of him, really. he worked hard and he deserves to rest now.

rest, and also -

be happy.