I don't have many friends at campus which is what I wanted. I push people away, having a clear distance towards them. When I thought that I am too close then I will take a step backwards, don't want to get too much affection from them. 

I am always waiting for my lecturer to come with a glass of coffee.  I drink it little by little wishing that it will be gone at time my lecturer arrived and that never happened. That one glass of coffee never enough for me. I ended up alone, sat at the corner without any accompany, not even a coffee.

That moment came to me. Maybe this isn't what I wanted. Maybe I don't want to be alone, I want them to knocked and break my walls, trying so hard and not giving up until I let them inside. Until I get so clingy to them. Until I don't even want them to get close with anyone except me.

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or

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maybe I only need to add another glass to accompany me, right?