of rain, mental breakdown and emotional/heartbreak...

sorry if you're tricked by my title again...idk why it's so hard to think of a proper title...i can't be titling everything 'random' can i? that be too dull...this is gonna be a rollercoaster ride anyway....as usual...

 

 

 

1. Fanfic or Reality?

maybe both? xD...okay...i freaked out when i saw EB/Choi Eun Bin updated about it. Wait...Choi Eunbin who you ask? Well, she's one of produce 101 contestants...and no...it's not that one who joined clc...that's kwon. Don't know her...of course...every other mention of kids from produce 101 are always the same freaking few...it's the same for season 1 and season 2...so much for produce 1-0-1...

Anyway, Eunbin or rather, EB, was a familiar name since i've seen her name as featuring rapper in some of my fav singers' releases prior to produce 101....and i really liked her in produce 101...especially her dynamics with Oh Seojung and other team mates in Bad Girl Good Girl underdog team...it helped that the topdog/popular kids team was so haughty n annoying. she had released a couple of collabs with other random produce 101 girls...one inspired a fic i wrote but incomplete of course lol...in that fic, there were three main characters...all girls from produce 101...EB, Kim Woojeong aka the girl she collaborated with...and Hwang Sooyeon aka Woojeong's former labelmate and buddy (also my fav girl in produce 101 season 1)...it was about a girl struggling to keep both old friendship and new friendship...dull idea i know...nothing fancy or dramatic...but something that can easily happen to anyone in this world...that's the kind of thing i like...

the story was supposed to show what goes behind how they came to collaborate...since they're quite an odd pairing...actually both were in rivaling Bad Girl Good Girl teams, maybe they were friendly afterall, but the show portrayed them as rivals...so i really liked that dynamics.

Never in my dreams i would think this would happen...

https://soundcloud.com/930406eb/toomuch

A couple hours ago...EB released a collaboration with...who else if not Sooyeon...aka Cherish.

Aaaaaahhhhh!!!! can u imagine my excitement and mental breakdown...i'm so confused between fanfic and reality now (i mean i never thought this would happen since Sooyeon seems rather reserved and Eunbi is social butterfly i'd say from how friendly she's with everyone)...and this is the kind of confusion that i love! it might help me write the fic again...who knows...xD

Anyway yeah hope you check out the song. and if you're confused which is which..EB is the rapper. Cherish the singer. While Hwang Sooyeon had always rapped in produce 101 making ppl think she's a rapper...she's a vocalist. remember when she wanted so bad to get a chance at singing in Fingertips team before she got eliminated but they just keep pushing her down(just like with Kim Juna...ugh...those popular kids annoy me...i'm sort of glad they kicked Kim Juna out and she got to show more awesomeness in Don't Matter....never really liked Fingertips anyway...)

 


 

2. Siwan enlisted today...

Aww...i really don't want to make big deal of celebs enlisting...it's no biggie and fans are always overdramatic about it for nothin when every other male there go for it(my Battle kids even went like years n years ago when they're similar in age with ZE:A tbh lol...just a tiny bit older for some members)...and most of their oppars not even doing active duty for all the cries and whimpering...but i can't help feeling a little nostalgic. If it wasn't for Siwan...i wouldn't have gotten into ZE:A...i probly would've saved near a thousand bucks lmao tsktsk....i got my attention on ZE:A after watching a radio show cut with my girl Gyuri(KARA) where Siwan was so awkward i cringed and the other members were hilarious too...this was i guess..just a couple of months before Siwan got into acting and got his booming fame...even from his 30 seconds of appearance with hardly dialogue on the first ep he appeared i remembered....haa. just imagine if i had known him after he became popular...i might not have gotten into ZE:A at all(and if that had happened i might not have started writing in aff at all...okay maybe i'd have written about other groups...but reality is, ZE:A is still the group i wrote for the most)....yknow popular kids can't really get to me...and even though Kwanghee had considerable popularity back then...he was a different case...bcuz he's getting hate for the dumbest of things left and right...i had long abandoned my interest for Siwan as actor when he kept being paired with girls i really have no interest in (even in his upcoming drama...when was the last time i bothered watch his drama...Misaeng? though his acting in Equator Man was what made the biggest impact for me so far)...i don't think it's a secret that in ZE:A...i like the eldest line the most...the granpas...Kevin,Kwanghee,Siwan...Kevin n Kwanghee....bcuz...KevKwang >< (other than Kevin's undeniable awesomeness and Kwanghee's sacrifices n love for his group back in their early days)....and Siwan...bcuz i like his voice/singing/rapping the most(and also HeeWan!)...haa...i've always dreamed of Kevin n Siwan rapping for at least one song...it'd be so badass....><...and i've always dreamed of these three to have a subunit that sings songs in English language since they're the members with best English...xD...

Anyway, it seemed that he went to active duty from the positive comments he's getting...i'm glad that he's smart enough :p....i hope he serve well n don't get into any mess...go for it and complete the two years cleanly and then get all that love.

to end this...

I contemplated to share this one or the other compilations i did for him like his predebut or his 'versatility'...but i chose this one...it's nice to listen to ZE:A songs again n be reminded of the good times....

okay another one...

please excuse the stupid watermarks...this was from five years ago...how time flies and yet i'm still just as immature when other people would've come and left kpop because they've 'grown up'...huhuh..../creys/...

isn't his voice/singing beautiful though? that one was a 100% live.

 


 

3. Mental Breakdown - No thanks, IT Entertainment.

today...PUREBOY channel uploaded some videos of a guy performing in restaurant...it confused me so much...bcuz who is this guy?(they wrote he's shinee's onew lookalike lol...but why does his side profile make me think...minyeob, is that you?) why is his vids posted in pureboy channel if he's not a member? does this mean he's a new upcoming member of the group? what members are left anyway? are seokyu n minho (n haru) still in the group? i'm worried with seokyu's random posts...it's almost morbid to me...but it feels like i'm just overthinking when he didn't post anything directly morbid...it's just my gutfeeling n fear n worries.... i heard someone say hojong already left but i don't know about that...i hope not bcuz even though i know them through seokyu n minho thru produce 101...each n every of them is precious to me....i'm so confused with this group...they're constantly confusing n giving me mental breakdowns and breaking my heart........

this must be true love. xD

sometimes i regret ever watching produce 101 season 2...if i hadn't watch it...i wouldn't even know and care about pureboy...but i did...i was drawn to them...i was curious...i watched their every single performances...now i'm at a point of no return....i love them T^T...why must i have discovered this group...this is more painful than any group's situation...

but back at this boy who performed at the restaurant...

he plays guitar...he sings so good...i don't care how he looks...i'm in love already...(i just saw his name - Yonghee...so it's not minyeob...haha...okay...)

how in the freaking hell this shady company found all these premium quality talents...

i mean...before this...their main vocalist...Jinu was so freaking good too...even their other main/lead vocals Kunhee n Kio were really good...n they had solid rappers too...and visuals...like...how...

i can't stop glancing at the pureboy banner though T^T...please tell me good news about them...please...this agency is killing me...

just give him a listen....

 

so now different guy...but they're both introduced...kyu(but not seokyu) n sohee?

wait...so is the girl part of the members...does this mean...they're not going to be in pureboy?

or are they joining n the group becomes pureboy and puregirl now? or are they making a co-ed group too?

talent wise though....freaking solid...so far...

i keep looking at the banner...and wondering if pureboy's not coming back...why must they use that banner?

the banner even has 'live in japan' when the restaurant is in myeongdong...seriously....what a cheapskate...to use oldbanner....i mean at least they could cut the live in japan part or cover it with another cloth or sth...

but regardless....they're so good...i can't disregard their talents when their awesomeness already snatched me...

edit: ok i'm fickle...whatever...i might have second thoughts on supporting them...if the company just choose to ditch pureboy.

 

please bring back PUREBOY T^T

or at least...say something....

i want to see them perform happily again...like this...

 

- edit: SHIET....now the channel had erased all pureboy videos....T^T....noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... i'm not ready for this shiet....they're totally scraping off pureboy....and i just thought i found a new ultimate group to root for......idk what to feel now...sad is an understatement...

 

 


 

4. The emotional heartbreaking side...

of course, i can't possibly leave out VAV now that i'm in my hyper noob fan phase...

but today...let's see the other side of them...

it seemed that their agency tricked them into asking them to film individual reaction videos for their mv making (back during venus-dance with me)...but then stopped halfway and aired letters from their family instead...to see their reaction...part of me appreciate seeing this side of them...but part of me think this is cruel...obviously the goal is to make them cry...no? anyway...not everyone cried...worth giving a try....:)

Aww, when Lou cried it broke my heart even though it seemed that it's just cuz he's the only child n close to his parents...he was so earnestly trying to make commentary of the video making before the letter came out lol...when the letter came out you could see how he gradually lose hold on his emotions and it seemed genuine to me. Ayno's part though...kinda made me uncomfortable. i mean seeing his ever so cheerfulness...i could kinda guess there's something darker lying beneath, he's always full of positive energy, even his reactions were so animated n upbeat until the letter came out...you could see he hardly show emotion...and the letter was rather short...i already sensed a not so great vibe...but they keep recording him even when he didn't seem to want to react much n he even admitted to it later...but they keep shoving the camera to him...until he broke down...he seem to have bitter backstory when it comes to family...that he rather not let out but the situation made him confessed vaguely...they probly are/were against his dreams...he said there's sad story but he didn't want to express them...and he said his parents once told him to give up his dreams...and he had cried while talking to them about it...so he told himself he wouldn't cry again until he succeed. n now they made him cry before he probly consider himself succeed...my heart broke for him...he said he practiced for 9 years...that's a really long time...i read some fan commented that when he was eliminated from his previous group...he didn't cry...probly this was the reason...he even confessed that all the while he always say he's okay, he actually wasn't...even at the end...he put back on that happy facade...it's always the cheerful ones that hold in sadness beneath it...partly i'm happy he got to let out his burden that he had kept to himself all the while...but partly i felt he's pushed/forced to share a side he might not want to...every time he had stopped reacting...they kept filming him...egging him for more...idk...this left me with so much mixed feelings....i hope he will find happiness in this group...i mean...success as in grand scale is not easy when you're not from some hyped agency...i can only wish them all the best...

The second part...i feel like they half assed this one and edited out things to rush things...so unfair that three members had way shorter vid than vid with two members....seriously? This time...it's the hyungs of the group - Baron/St.Van/Ace...of course they act cooler than the kids...haa...like Baron saying he knew they were expecting him to cry so he won't cry...haa...take that. St.Van's part made me lmao though...he was totally edited out once he started storytelling...and the caption just said he talked too long personal stuffs for an hour so he's edited out...lmao....poor leader. why you force ayno to speak but when there's someone who WANTS to speak...you cut him out....tsktsktsk....and Ace is just overall confused...haha...

 

i'm sorry but Ziu's part made me kinda suspicious...he didn't seem all that surprised....his reaction even came like...a second too early before the thing started? like he's already expecting something? i'm not surprised Ziu's parents supported him...he seem very cheerful in that carefree way...it seem to come naturally to him than say..ayno...n i feel that his carefreeness had to come from somewhere...a loving upbringing perhaps...i hope he'd continue be a good kid n make his parents happy...Cobbie's parts though...shredded my heart to pieces(not literally of course or this would be a ghost writing to yall)...they probably didn't get to contact his family members in China so instead of family letter he got video message from the members. Cobbie is another member always showing a quiet and cool as cucumber with a tinge of evilness side of him...he's not one to show much emotion, talk much or acting cute and all...he's just there chillin'....lol. which is why i was surprised he's a foreign member at first since he seemed to be so chill n comfy....back to this video message..ohh...i'm so surprised St.Van sending his message to Cobbie by talking in Chinese...n though idk the language to attest to his skills...he sound at ease speaking it...is he really fluent in Chinese? or did he learn to communicate with Cobbie(excuse me if this sounds delusional/reaching...i'm just curious)...not just Cobbie...they had another Chinese member in the past right? Xiao. i'm just so impressed and touched to see St.Van using Cobbie's language to send the message...i just find that gesture so heartwarming...and Ace...overflowing with kind words and praises as always...and Cobbie just lost it and sobbed uncontrollably...i was so shocked...i wouldn't have guessed Cobbie would have had a meltdown(if we can call it that, for my lack of vocabs) there and then...he's always seem in great control of himself so this really caught me offguard...even if i'm skeptic and suspect of celebs faking things for attention...i'm pretty sure Cobbie won't fake that for attention...nope...not him. he even didn't have anything to say afterwards and just laughed and wrapped it off. i'm kinda sad that Baron didn't say anything considering he's one of the original members n surely had more to say than the new members...or he was cut off...the video message did seem like it was chopped...or sth...even Ayno n Lou the new members had things to say...and Lou was so awkward trying to word his message...at least when they bombarded into the room...Baron came straigt away with hug n cling on to Cobbie to the end...when they made fun of Cobbie crying n told him men aren't supposed to cry...me: rolling eyes real hard cuz they just cried themselves pfft....when Ayno told Cobbie he's not a man for crying...and Lou 'then you're not a man as well'...haha...savage...but he cried too..and he's the one who kept saying men aren't allowed to cry..pfft...and it seemed they recorded this at around 3am...probly purposely to make them more emotional easily bcuz of the added tiredness and all...still...in Cobbie's vid...i feel Ace and Ziu were the most considerate n tried not to cross the line or get into his personal space...especially Ace...he just sat on the side watching n tried not to make a deal of Cobbie crying or to look too focused on him...again...i'm seeing why everyone love him a lot. no, really this is not me being biased or anything...:p

 

ok too much sappy...can we end with some cuteness...?

 

Lou is so so so so so...freaking cute with those winks...handsdown the winner...i felt like my soul was cleansed just watching him...what the hell did i just write...if you only watch their mvs you might never discover his depths of cuteness...he always look like the cool type in mvs...but his cuteness attack is just so effortless and natural n too cute n idk....he's like...the opposite of Ziu...though i find Ziu's antics cute too but in loud way n tons of effort...but if you only watch their recent mvs...you'd probly think Ziu is one of those boring members...so not...and as you can see they dreaded so much acting cute but did it anyway upon fan request...and...lmao at Cobbie doing it fast as lightning...xD...and St.Van...overdramatic about it...

 

and this is so cheesy...the ideal type part...they seemed really bored by this question lmao...of course Ace being the angel that he is....making up excuse/reason for that question to be answered again...lol. St.Van though is always getting embarrassed at everything haha...who ask him to bring up the cringe...xD...

 

of course...we need to end with VAV's perf of the day...

i'm so proud of Cobbie...from someone who had literally no lines to actually being significant in terms of parts in song...it really makes me uncomfortable whenever i see groups with some members that don't have lines...so thank goodness i found VAV at the right time when everyone already had lines...the camerawork here wasn't the best though...kinda messy closeups...ugh...how could you cut away from Lou during the iconic line....pft...idk if it's live or backtrack too loud...audio wise i always prefer music bank anyway since it sounds the most 'live' yknow...and their outfits....isn't this....Flower(You) outfit? well, it's good to recycle outfit methinks but....this only remind me of the sadness of that masterpiece of a song not promoted in music shows at all....i really feel it in my gut that that song could make it big or at least win attention from the public if it was promoted...T^T...

 


 

5. it rained a lot today.

even when i was writing this post...it was raining...hence the mention in the title. i looooveeee rain....i wish it's always raining...but i guess that's very selfish of me...since it could cause flood and difficulty for other people...still....i wish it rains everyday...even if not always....aah....oh well...

 

 

alright, time to sleep, gnite.

 

 

 

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estherahn
#1
I hope you had a good rest :). I am sad and shocked that IT entertainment would delete all the pureboy videos: how many were there? I'm so glad you wrote about ZE:A! Aw, Siwan; he is always hardworking and has a good attitude.