BAD ACTS
YOU RUINED ME

Jeno pulled out the carton of milk with another sigh. Only one more month left until he left to study abroad; and if his dad honestly asked him once, he'd say that he didn't want to leave at all. In this huge house were all his friends, well his dad's friends sons, but he still loved all of them. Studying abroad meant he was leaving so much behind; his friends, Mark, and the country that he grew up in. Sure, he’d kinda miss his parents, but he hadn’t spent too much time with them ever since high school started and he was told that he was going to be living with his father's friend's son’s. There were exactly seventeen of them, but it didn't feel crowded. If one person wasn't around, then the house suddenly felt really empty. Jeno wondered if the house would be complete after he left to go study in England. When he comes back after four years, would everything be the same? Would some of his friends who were in university be married or engaged by then? Would Mark still love him the same way? Would he still be deeply in love with Mark? Would Haechan be Jisung’s by then?

Jeno slammed the fridge door shut in his own pathetic misery. He needed to get a better hobby than liking someone who was already taken. Really, it was getting foolish to think that somewhere inside of him, was thoughts and the want to have Haechan close. And the worst part was, Haechan felt exactly the same thing for him. Yes, it killed him on the inside that he wanted Haechan so badly. But he couldn’t stand being around Haechan for too long, the glares from Mark and just seeing Jisung hold Haechan's hand made Jeno go insane sometimes. If he could have even 2 minutes alone with Haechan, he’d make the best of it. It was saddening thinking that when he told Mark that he saw no one but him, it was a lie. In fact, Jeno thought of Haechan more than he thought of being with Mark. The saying ‘you always want what you can’t have’ was so true. The only fun in liking Haechan was all the bad and dangerous times they got stuck in. He seemed to be enjoying the amusement of seeing Haechan try to stay away from him, when he knew the younger just wanted to turn around and hug him. Jeno didn't know what was love, Haechan or Mark. But he knew one thing, when Haechan was around, every dangerous thing seemed to sound good in his head.

There was nothing better then seeing Haechan be afraid of Jeno. Because Haechan knew what the outcome would be, and although he wanted what he was offered, he’d refuse. And that was what Jeno loved about Haechan and this game that they played.

Jeno noticed that Renjun had walked into the kitchen when the older took the carton of milk out of his hand and started pouring milk for himself. At times when Jeno wasn’t busy thinking about Haechan, he’d truly get a little mad. But right now, Haechan was the only one in his head. Maybe that's why he was only able to notice Jisung when he turned around to bump into him.

“Oh, sorry,” Jeno quickly said before noticing who the person in front of him was. And honestly, he wasn't just sorry for bumping into the younger, but he was sorry for stealing Jisung’s perfect Haechan too. But why should he be sorry? It wasn’t his fault, it was just his brain that lost all control to place all that control on Haechan.

Jisung gave Jeno a stern look then shook his head and walked past him to the counter where Renjun was. Jeno smirked when Jisung walked past him. He loved that Jisung hated him because of the horrible truth between Jeno and Haechan. Totally forgetting what he was even in the kitchen for, Jeno walked out to see that Doyoung had just come home for university and was standing at the front door and taking his shoes off. He looked up at Jeno and smiled before asking, “Jeno, when’s your last exam?”

Jeno thought for a moment before walking closer to where Doyoung was standing. “My last exam is on the 21st.” It was saturday and Doyoung happened to be one of the first older hyungs who came home early every day.

Doyoung seemed to be lost in thought as he nodded. “Okay, that's good. Because I wanted to go to the beach on the 23rd and I was hoping all of us could go before you left.”

Jeno was then again reminded that he was going to leave. Meaning, no more Haechan. Maybe that's what he was the most upset about these days.The loss of Haechan was going to be a big thing for him, not that he didn’t care about anything or anyone else. He’d miss everyone, including Jisung who spent the last year glaring at him endlessly. But they used to be great friends; Renjun Jisung, and him; it was until Jeno started having bad thoughts and Jisung noticed how he implemented those bad thoughts into bad acts. As open as everything was to Mark and Jisung, Jeno and Haechan's secret was so secure that Mark and Jisung couldn't even figure out if it was real or not.

Doyoung then excused himself and said that he was tired and needed some sleep. Jeno followed after him up and the stairs and when into the family room where the tv was and sat down on the sofa. It was no one else but him, as he grabbed the tv remote and the tv to whatever channel it desired to bring him to. He sat there for a while, so lost in the show that was playing that he almost didn't notice when someone walked in and shut the door behind them. He didn't really make out the person as they picked something up from the side table and were about to head out when Jeno’s eyes caught exactly who they were, and he just couldn’t let him go like that. Faster than he has ever been, Jeno quickly walked in front of Haechan and held tightly onto his wrist. He looked down at the other, who seemed bothered by him, and smiled. “Lee Jeno what are you-”

Before Haechan could finish his words the softest pair of lips were pressed against his, almost against his will. Yet Haechan couldn’t give in, no he couldn’t lose this fast. He tried his best to move Jeno away from him, kicking him, pushing him, and trying every possible thing to get the other away from him. If someone happened to walk in, Haechan didn’t want them seeing this at all. That would just make him look so bad in front of everyone. Thankfully, Jeno pulled away when he was sure Haechan was running out of air. Haechan only gave Jeno the ‘what the hell?’ look as Jeno was more victorious than ever.

Jeno only had one thing to say, and that was to declare that he won. Not against Haechan, but against Jisung. “I bet it doesn’t taste like that when Jisung kisses you.” He said, in all his victory.

Haechan only gave him a blank angry face before pushing him fully away and giving him one last solemn smile. “No Jeno. It tastes better when Jisung kisses me.” And just like that, he dropped all of Jeno’s hopes and walked away.

But just as he was about to open the door to exit the living room, he heard Jeno yell. “Well it does taste better then when Mark kisses me!”

Haechan only sighed and turned to look at so hopeless Lee Jeno that he didn’t know what he was caught up in with. “Well I bet you it does, ‘cause I don’t even dream about kissing you back that I’d kiss you in real life.” Then Haechan left the room, almost victorious. Because it was amusing watching Jeno be upset, but sad to know that there was someone that Jeno had to compare himself to.

Jeno just sat there, as he kept touching his lips again and again, trying to remember the feeling of Haechan’s lips against his. Taeyong, who now sat beside him, noticed this. “Jeno, is there something on your lips that you keep touching them?” Jeno watched as Mark’s eyes came to look at him too. It was like he could feel that Mark knew something was up, by the way he looked at him.

Jeno touched his lips one last time before shaking his head and smiling. “No, I’m fine.”

Taeyong had looked away and turned his attention to the tv, but Mark’s gaze was still planted on Jeno. It made Jeno wonder if Mark was going to miss him, if Mark was going cry without him, he wondered if he was going to be able to live without Mark. He surely wouldn't be able to spend the summer without the one who had loved him so much and done almost everything for him. He felt guilty, super guilty. He didn't want to break Mark's heart just to keep at peace. Maybe, sometimes Haechan was right when he said that they should just forget each other and go back to the ones they love. Meaning, Haechan still truly loved Jisung with all his heart and Jeno was just a sideline. Where there is desire there is flame, and where there is a flame someone's bound to get hurt. The people being hurt right now where Jisung and Mark, but why did Jeno feel that it was truly Haechan and himself that he was hurting? Maybe he just needed to let go to finally get that hold on Mark again.

He had lost so much in this flame. His wonderful friendship with Jisung and Haechan and the love that Mark and him once shared. Everything seemed burned out and blurry, the heat of the flames stuck to him endlessly. Jeno didn’t blame Jisung at all, the younger was right to hate him. All the bad things he had done to Haechan to lead him on probably hurt Jisung too. And Mark was honestly someone that he loved so much, how could he possibly be going this to him?

A week passed by and it was the Sunday before Jeno’s last exam. Meaning, it was June 18th and Jeno had finally finished packing up as he stepped outside to the garden for a moment, to see his old-best friends having fun in the pool together. He kind of missed Jisung and Renjun ever since he started acting like a jerk. It was odd thinking that even Renjun didn’t want to talk to Jeno anymore, after hearing what happened. It’s like he made himself distant from everyone. On the side of the pool he saw Mark and Chenle talking to one other. Jeno suddenly thought of the times when Haechan, Mark, and Chenle used to be best-friends too. He was guessing that friendship breaking was his fault too. It was all his fault and he only had himself to blame this tragedy on.

Jeno decided that maybe he would join them as he walked closer to pool. Sure, it would be awkward to do that, but he still considered them his friends and he was lucky wearing shorts today. Jeno slowly pulled off his shirt and jumped into the cold pool water. He happened to catch Renjun and Jisung’s attention who were throwing a volley ball around. Renjun tried to smile and Jeno who simply stared at him. “Jeno, would you like to play with us?”

Jeno shivered a little from the cold against his skin and nodded. He swam closer to them as Jisung lazily passed him the ball. Great, his best-friend still hates him. Jeno played with the two for a while as Renjun tried to start a conversation that only Jeno replied to. But Jisung was warming up after a while when Jeno accidentally threw the ball in his face. At first, the younger gave him a salty look before simply smiling at Jeno and continuing to play. By now, he was actually laughing and kind of enjoying Jeno’s company after a full year. It was sad to think that Jeno was going to leave for so long without making up to his best-friend, after all the horrible things he had done. After a few minutes, Jeno looked up at the balcony above them to see Haechan standing there, staring down at them. He finally remembered that Haechan's room was right above the pool and he was obviously going to be watching them with that dazzling smile. Renjun, who happened to noticed Haechan too swam closer to where Haechan could see him. “Hey, Haechan! Why don’t you come down here too! It’s a great day!”

Haechan shook his head at Renjun and even Jisung’s attention was now on Haechan. “Maybe I’ll come down later. I have to finish studying for my exam.” That seemed to be when Jeno remembered that Haechan and him had the same physics class, and the same exam that he had to finish studying for too. Jisung already seemed to be talking to Haechan now and asking him to bring a towel downstairs for him.

Renjun moved closer to Jisung. “Jisung, are you leaving now?”

Jisung nodded and smiled. “Yeah. I have to finish studying too. I just remembered, thankfully because of Haechan.” Renjun nodded as Jisung got out of the pool and by now Haechan was standing beside the pool with a blue towel in his hand. He stood in front of Haechan with his hands out. Haechan then put the towel on Jisung’s head and started helping him dry his hair. Renjun smiled at the sight of them being close, and as cute as it looked, it was venom to Jeno thinking that he tried break something so wonderful. Jeno bitterly watched as Jisung took his shirt from Haechan's hands and put in on before sweetly smiling and placing his finger against his cheek. Haechan seemed to understand this and give him a sweet kiss on the cheek before the two started walking away, talking about something  unknown to Jeno. Jeno sighed and swam up to the beige rocks that formed a wall and slowly propped himself up to sit on them. He watched Renjun talk to Chenle and Mark about something as Jisung and Haechan's figures couldn’t be seen any longer. Jeno knew the truth now, he had flipped up so bad that he didn’t even know himself anymore.

 Jeno had finally finished his exam and came home just a while ago. He walked into the family room with a deep sigh, but seeing Haechan sitting there planted a smirk atop his lips. He walked closer to the younger silently, trying to not be noticed since the younger seemed to be concentrating on his phone. Jeno sat so close beside Haechan that there knees were touching and bent down to whisper in his ear. “What are you looking at?”

Haechan almost jumped in surprise when hearing that familiar voice that somewhat trapped him every time. He moved his phone to side so that it wasn’t in Jeno’s view. “J-Jeno, I-I.” Jeno moved his hand to hold Haechan's as he tried bringing the phone in his view again. He insisted and insisted as Haechan kept moving it away, endlessly. Jeno was somewhat fed up with this push and pull as he held on to Haechan's wrist and pulled him to face him. Haechan was still so shocked, but he looked so ruined that Jeno almost loved it. As he moved closer to hug Haechan, he wanted to know if Haechan could hear his pacing heartbeat. Haechan's warmth filled around him and he could hear how badly he was playing with Haechan’s heartbeat. Really, a hug was all that Jeno wanted. He rested his head on Haechan shoulder, yet still didn’t earn a hug back. “Will you miss me?” He asked, in all curiousity.

Haechan seemed so silent, he sighed and finally gave into hugging Jeno. If he didn’t love Jeno or feel anything anymore, then they were still friends in the end and Haechan couldn't deny that he felt bad at least. “I’m not the person you should be asking that question, Mark is.” Jeno frowned at the fact that Jisung and Mark were always brought up in every conversation. They were a secret, that had ruined so many people's lives.

Jeno sighed and held Haechan closer to him. “Why do you always bring Mark up when I’m talking about us?” He then felt Haechan remove his hands and push Jeno always a little.

Jeno met eyes with Haechan’s bright one, and he copied Haechan’s facial expression, which was a frown. “Why would you talk about us when there is no us.” Haechan's words felt so much like venom and hate that he spit out. Jeno was honestly so tired of this endless rejection that Haechan had started giving him. He just wanted to go back to the good old days when Haechan and him first discovered their feelings, and how young and free he felt back then laying beside Haechan. Now, everything seemed to be against Haechan’s will as he tried running back to Jisung.

Jeno gulped in tears that he never once dared to cry and sighed. “Is there not a us in the past? You can't act like we didn’t exist even once.” Jeno watched as Haechan silently removed Jeno’s hands from his waist. Jeno would never dare to show Haechan how much the knife of pain was digging into him. He would never cry in front of anyone, but when alone, that’s all he’d ever do.

Haechan nodded, like he understood. But then, Jeno could swear he almost melted seeing tears in Haechan's eyes. “Please stop Jeno,” like begging would work on Lee Jeno. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m done hurting this many people with our flame,” he then got up and turned his back to Jeno. “I’m done hurting you and me.”

Just as Haechan was about to walk out, stubborn Jeno grabbed onto his hand. Wanting so badly to pull him back and say that he wasn’t hurting. But for once, Jeno had to stop lying. Yet nothing could stop his secret from spilling when Jisung and Mark walked in, with their weekly maid. Jeno felt like a fool for not remember that the maid was going to be coming today. He felt like an absolute idiot looking at the surprise and anger on Jisung and Mark’s faces. What didn’t help was when Jisung walked off in anger and Mark just stood there, blank. His heart could feel that even Haechan was done with him when Haechan forcefully pulled back his hand and walked out the room to probably go after Jisung.

Mark only stood in silence as the maid started cleaning, as she was told to do. Jeno eventually got up and walked up to Mark. “Mark,” he insisted as he held onto Mark’s sleeve, “it’s not what it looks like. I swear.” Couldn’t Jeno get enough of lying? He hurt so many people in the process of trying to gain what he wanted.

Mark only looked at Jeno with a stern look and teary eyes. “I don’t know what it looks like Jeno. But I do know that I trust you.” He then pulled Jeno closer to hug him. The fact that you trust me is so pathetic. Jeno thought to himself as he won again, with Mark of course. The one person he couldn't get his way with was Haechan.

Mark and Jeno sat beside each other in silence as others around them watched tv. Soon, Mark started chatting with Chenle, something about Haechan was all Jeno heard. The door then opened with a slam and Jeno watched as Haechan, who now had bloodshot eyes, walked up to Mark and Chenle, and somewhat sitting at their feat. Everyone’s attention was on Haechan as he pressed both his palms together and was left crying while mumbling out odd words. Mark and Chenle sat in shock as they finally understood what Haechan was doing. He was begging for forgiveness.

“Please forgive me Mark. I’ve been a horrible person and it’s all my fault.” He chanted again and again without any more hope left to live. Haechan felt disgusted with himself, knowing he hurt Mark.

Mark bent down, eyes still wide, as he lifted Haechan’s head. This made Jeno realize that not only he felt like a guilty fool, Haechan had the same exact feelings. Jeno never really thought that he would ever come to a day where he would see Haechan begging on his knees for forgiveness. It was even more horrible knowing he was the one who caused Haechan’s distress.

“Haechan,” Mark whispered in sheer pain. “What are you doing with yourself?” His voice was soft and soothing as he wiped away Haechan’s tears.

Haechan rested his head in Mark’s lap, face forward. “Mark, I’m so sorry. I feel disgusting about what I did.” Emotions were slipping through Haechan’s eyes rapidly. He had betrayed his best-friend and it was the worst thing he had ever done. Haechan didn’t want Mark to have pity on him, because he’d only ever forgive him because they were friends. Haechan wanted to be forgiven from the heart.

Mark lifted Haechan’s head again, still merely shocked. “Haechan don't do this to yourself. You’re making me feel sick.” Mark forced Haechan to sand up as he stood up too. “I forgive you Haechan. I’d forgive you a million times. And I’m so sorry,” he held both of Haechan’s begging hands and pulled them apart, “I treated like you meant nothing to me. Like we weren’t best-friends.”

Haechan shook his head, he was about to speak again when Chenle suddenly got up with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry too Haechan. I was such a horrible friend.” Chenle then wrapped his arms around Haechan’s neck. Everything blurred out for Jeno as he watched what he had so effortlessly broken work so hard to come back together. The three of them just couldn't live without one another, they were inseparable. Tears were the only thing that left Haechan's eyes while his friends worked hard to fill up the empty hole Jeno had created inside of his heart. Jeno might have just noticed how badly Haechan and him had ruined everything and everyone they loved. Jeno was letting himself fall into a grave of guilt with Haechan, all because of certain events.

He started to wonder how Jisung felt about this mess that Jeno handed to him. He knew Jisung was someone who now couldn't even tell the difference between the good and bad. Jeno was probably the person that Jisung’s heart told him was bad. Although Jeno was sure Jisung didn't think of Haechan was sugar any more too. Jeno eyes felt like they were covered with a black cloth as he wondered what Haechan and him could have been if Jisung and Mark weren’t in the picture.

 “Jeno,” Mark peaked through the open door to see Jeno lying on his bed asleep, probably resting. Mark smiled and closed the door behind him before walking up to Jeno and placing his hand on Jeno’s shoulder. Mark then laid down beside Jeno and stared at the one he loved more than anything on this planet. This person that meant so much was going to be leaving soon and Mark was sure he wouldn't be able to go on without his prince charming. What Mark didn’t know that deep down inside a concealed pit in Jeno’s heart hid deep and honest feelings for another princess, who already had a prince charming. And what Mark never knew, it couldn’t hurt him at all. So, the older put an arm around Jeno’s shoulder and just tried to imagine what it would be like without Jeno. Mark’s eyes watered at how distant they seemed these past few months, and how he wished they could go back and change things to make Jeno last longer. Mark then moved his hand up to rest it on the side of Jeno’s face as small drops of tears left his eyes, not wanting to lose Jeno.

Jeno opened his eyes slowly to see Mark crying in front of him. His sleepy face became concerned as he rested his hand on Mark’s cheek. “Mark, why are you crying?” He shifted closer to Mark and wrapped both of his arms around him, keeping him safe in his embrace.

Mark tried to stop his sobs, for Jeno’s sake. He didn’t want the younger to feel bad about leaving, but he couldn't help it. “I’m going to miss you so much Jeno,” he held on tightly to Jeno’s white and black striped shirt, “so damn much.”

Jeno frowned and hugged Mark tighter, feeling so much shame at his own actions. He should’ve stopped to think about Mark over and over again, but he didn’t. “I’m going to miss you too. But Mark, please stop spending time thinking about how you're going to live without me and enjoy our last few days together. Please?” Honestly, Jeno wasn't sure about how he was going to live without any of his friends.

Mark nodded and wiped his last few tears away, he smiled and pulled himself out of Jeno’s embrace to press a soft kiss on Jeno’s lips. After pulling away, Mark and Jeno silently drowned in thoughts of not being with each other for a long time. The two talked, for what seemed like forever, only wanting to think about the person lying beside them.

Haechan could feel the soft breeze gently running through his hair and he just couldn't figure out why he was sitting outside in the garden at such a late timing. He was done with highschool and was always told that he would know what he was doing in his life by now, let Haechan was still confused. Sure, he knew he wanted to become a teacher, yet he couldn't figure out who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Or if he even wanted to continue living any longer.

Everything seemed useless as he sat on the brown bench and mourned over what could've been of Jeno and him. He knew he was the one who always neglected his feelings for Jeno, but that was only for everyone's safety. The empty hole inside of him wasn’t being filled, even with having two people loving him. Haechan was just a blank inside, with no more love to give to anyone. He lost so much in this game, even his own heart. Haechan had no clue to where his heart was going to go now, because it lost the road to Jisung.

“You okay? You seem a little lost today.”

Haechan almost shivered when someone who came to sit beside him spoke. He slowly shook his head and kept his gaze on the ground, too ashamed to even look at his lover any longer. Jisung reached his hand out to touch Haechan’s hand, which caused the other to pull his hand away without giving it another thought. You see, Jisung might have been shocked, but Haechan felt so disgusted with himself right now that he couldn’t even stand Jisung touching him. Jisung shifted away a little and narrowed his eyes, he stood up and turned his back to Haechan. “I see, you don’t want to talk then.” Jisung sounded so hurt by Haechan’s actions, and he should have been. Haechan thought of himself as a horrible person that didn't deserve anymore love. And now, he was starting to treat Jisung the way he always tried to treat Jeno. But no, Jisung meant way more than Jeno. Maybe that was what caused Haechan to move forward and grab onto Jisung’s hand. The other turned around to look at him with confused eyes.

Haechan helplessly tugged onto Jisung’s hand, pulled him back onto the bench beside him. Tears filled his eyes at how much of a fool for Jisung he still was today. “Please don’t ask any question and just stay with me longer?” He sounded like he was begging, and Jisung had never thought that it would come to a day where Haechan would tightly hold onto him and silently cry. Jisung was told not speak, so he only wrapped his lover in his embrace and hoped one day so much venom wouldn’t fill his heart for Haechan and Jeno.

The night was a silent one, but these four hearts that beat only because they were forced by their peers love to keep living. Or else, they were sure that they would’ve ended their lives a long time ago.

Jeno could feel so many different emotions spilling out as he watched Jisung and Renjun stand around the ocean and play volleyball. They were finally at his good bye party on the beach and Jeno just wanted to kill himself today. Jisung himself was done watching his distant friend look so lonely without him.

Jeno decided to go ask Renjun and Jisung if he could play, and although the mood was dull the three of them played. Before they new it Doyoung, Taeyong, Taeil, Kun, Johnny, Yuta, and a whole other bunch of friends had joined them. Jeno and Jisung were on one team, while Renjun was on the other. And there came a point when Jeno missed another catch, which Jisung just couldn't take any more. His fists tightened as he walked up to Jeno, blood boiling in sheer anger. “Hey, Lee Jeno!” He yelled, fully disrespectful.

Jeno looked at Jisung with the ball in his hand, and so did the rest that were playing. Jeno gulped down, not in fear, but in some sort of satisfaction. Jisung stood in front of him with a fierce expression. “Can you not return the ball properly just once? You’re making us lose!” He pushed the ball out of Jeno’s hands and it rolled away.

Jeno gave Jisung a stern look. “Well, at least I’m not the one who’s been ignoring my best-friend for the past year.” He mumbled, something inside of him spilled out words of hate for Jisung.

Jisung looked taken aback, yet still vexed. “Me? Jeno you’re the one who’s acting like an idiot!” Jisung couldn't take it anymore and suddenly found his fist flying across to hit Jeno’s cheek. Man, sometimes, making stupid mistakes was the way to fix foolish ones. Jeno and Jisung had two different universes that collided with that punch. They hit each other so badly that tears of joy formed in Jeno’s eyes as he instantly embraced his angry friend. That was all Jeno needed, a nice punch from his best-friend to bring him back to reality. Tears filled the edges of Jeno’s eyes as hugged Jisung tighter. His younger friend was so confused, as all the anger vanished away. Jisung didn’t understand Jeno at all, but all he knew was that Jeno somewhat needed him to stay as a friend right now. Their relationship was so complicated that Jisung felt awkward having his best-friend hug him. Although Jisung was feeling guilty about punching Jeno, he didn't know that Jeno felt even more guilty.

“Jeno,” Jisung mumbled, looked at those around them that were simply standing there, knowing that they couldn't stop what was happening between two friends. ‘What are you doing?”

Jeno sighed as he rested his head on Jisung’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered, “thank you for giving me what I deserved. I was such a jerk all this time, you’re right.”.

Jisung pulled a little back and tried not to cry, finally getting what was going on. “Jeno, it’s not all your fault, don’t blame yourself.”

Jeno shook his head and gulped, “no. I’m so sorry Jisung. Please forgive me.” Jeno lifted his hands and pressed them together, as if he was about to beg. Jisung wouldn’t allow that at all though; he placed his hands around Jeno’s and shook his head.

“Don’t Jeno. I’d forgive you anyday,” Jisung smiled, which caused Jeno to smile too. The two of them stood back and just stared at the friend that they almost lost. It was pity that Jeno was to leave, and Jisung and him fixed their relationships. What didn’t matter was how your heart felt for your lover, but how it felt for your best-friend. Because friendship was the first thing you looked for in someone, not love.

Memories of when Jeno and Jisung were great friend folded back in, and Jeno seemed to have a reason to live, even if that reason lasted for a second. If he couldn't live for his lover or his desire, then he’d live for his best-friend. If he couldn't always be there for Mark or Haechan, then he’d always be by Jisung’s side. Jeno’s eyes shifted to Kun when he placed his hand on both Jeno and Jisung’s shoulders. “Friends?” Kun asked with the happiest of smiles.

Jeno nodded, “friends.” He replied, but then looked back at Jisung for confirmation, “right?” Jeno couldn’t express his happiness and joy at this moment with Jisung, He’d never needed anything more then his friend with him.

Jisung nodded and pulled Jeno closer into a tight hug that none of them wanted to pull away from. “Yup. Best-friends.”

Haechan stood by the water and let his feat dig into the now cold sand, since the sun had went down about an hour ago. His best defence was to sit down on the sand and let himself drown in the feeling of somewhat a free life. His heart felt complete seeing everything perfect again, but something inside of him was still empty. Haechan felt like he had treated Jeno so wrong every time he pushed him away and acted like he wasn’t important. He spend too long trying to hide his to feelings to think about how he was making Jeno feel. Most of the times, Jeno was done with his beating heart when Haechan would push him away again. Haechan really just wanted Jeno to know that he meant something, at least once he meant something.

“Haechan?”

Haechan felt a rough hand on his smooth one, holding it tightly as the person was holding onto life. “I fixed everything for you.” The person tried looking at Haechan who only kept his gaze on the ocean in front of them.

Haechan nodded, feeling even more worse now knowing that Jeno only did this to be praised by Haechan. But the truth was, Haechan had everything holding him back from even telling Jeno that he liked him once. “Jeno,” Haechan finally turned his head to Jeno, looking into his black orbs that didn’t shine too brightly anymore. “Thank you,” it took everything in Haechan to actually smile at Jeno.

Jeno looked so happy for a moment, like he needed nothing but this. He smiled so widely that Haechan felt like his heart was going to jump out. “Are we friends?” Jeno hesitated to ask such a question, since he felt that Haechan and him were litterally nothing anymore.

Haechan looked at the un-certain look in Jeno’s eyes and almost started crying. When he offered to give himself up to Jeno a year ago, he didn't expect it to get this bad to the point where Jeno was so unsure about what Haechan and him were. “Yes,” Haechan whispered, wanting to hug his friend in front of him. The only person on this planet that understood his pain was Jeno, so he didn’t want Jeno to go yet. “Jeno, I’m so sorry. I know how much I rejected you when you needed me the most.”

Jeno shook his head, Haechan was right, but he didn’t want Haechan to feel that way at all. Haechan did try pushing Jeno away every time, but Jeno started to understand that it was for the best. “Don’t say sorry. But will you miss me?” He held on tighter to Haechan's hand, because it was the only thing keeping him alive at the moment. Haechan was the person who made him want to kill himself, yet the only person that made him want to stay alive too.

Haechan looked into Jeno’s eyes, now with a small smile. “I will. Jeno, you are the only person who I ever learned how to be myself with. I want to forget that we were ever something more than friends, and just stay as great friends. I can’t express to you how much I miss getting to be myself with you. I would’ve ended my life months ago if it wasn’t for you.” Jeno was the only person Haechan was himself with and around. He learned so much about himself with the times that he spend with Jeno.

Jeno pulled Haechan closer, into somewhat of a hug. “Haechan, I want to stay your friend forever. Don’t ever forget that I’m still here, wanting you to live longer.”

Suddenly Jeno and Haechan felt more arms wrap around them. They looked up to see Jisung and Mark smiling at them. Jeno’s heart was beating fast in happiness. He needed only this right now. He only ever needed Mark, Haechan, and Jisung to survive right now. This moment couldn't get any better than this.

If Jeno and Haechan were to become ruined by each other, then they were certainly the only people who could put each other back together. And if the four of them were going to live any longer, they wanted to live knowing friend-ship and love had become their new source of life. These bad acts were just an excuse to not act good around each other. But now, good was everything the four of them were going to be.

Jeno and Haechan weren't angels at all, but even if they were devil’s they’d be devil’s together. Everything they’d do, they’d remember that there was still someone out there who was as much of a fool like you. They had each other to wake up in the morning to and think that this person still wants me alive, even if the whole world goes against me. Jeno and Haechan's love for others had become so strong, yet they could still look into each other’s eyes and throw the whole universe behind them. They weren’t in love, no, they were soul mates who just didn’t know how to love each other. That’s why they would watch over each other’s love story with happiness, wanting only joy for their soulmate. It didn't matter if Jeno was going to leave  soon, they were always friends in their heads, no matter what force tries to stop them.

“I think we were mistaken. I think we started seeing each other's friendship form into tears of love. But it’s like that between us. In reality, our hearts are two universes apart; we’ll never be in love. And there’s no thing that makes me smile or cry tears of pain more than that.”

A/N
So, this was not really written for, but I decided to give it into the #IP5th. Which is the 5th anniversary for Infinite Possibilities. They are a great place and I honestly remember my first batch in IP. It was wonderful, and the owner is honestly great and she's so sweet. They provide graphics and oenshots, the oneshots are bomb, and so are the graphics. Everyone who works there is always a sweetheart and it's just a great place to get your graphics from. It's seriously so easy to request there, I litterally do it quite often. I haven't requested for a graphic yet this batch, but I will make sure to. You usually get your graphics and oneshots fast too. I'm also planning on requesting for a oneshot. You see, it's just so friendly and simple there to request. I love it there and it's pretty much a pity that this is the last batch. I don't want it close, but good thing always end. So here is the link to the shop and please request there and join the giveaway.