oh well pt1

so...karma point for subs is back! but...for gold members...your value have been sadly decreased...lol.

as if the thing that made me bitter previously wasn't enough of fk u in my face...

oh well...it shouldn't matter much...i rarely get subs....

that's why i noticed that change.

yikes.

now instead of 4x you get 2x...

oh well...whatever.

oh well pt2

i've been looking for things to read...of course things that currently interest me if you catch my drift lol...sometimes i meet with some nice ideas/plots...but my enjoyment had to be cut short....when it always end with relationship and concern between human based purely on romance...you think a person feels empathy and care for the other because of humanity, or they can relate, or any other thing other than romance...but it always have to be primarily because of romance, nothing but romance...i'm not against feelings of care n concern that leads to romance...i think that is natural n cute...but everything motivated by romance...kinda made me lose more hopes on humanity...lol. there are so many other motivation in life and feelings you can find other than romance, kids. and there's so much more to fanfiction than love n/or . or am i wrong for overestimating fanfic?

and it always ends with confession n kiss or or whatever shiet...and that's love.......yawns. and even feelings of 'pure love' always just sound like lust...purely hollow....maybe my expectations of pure love is too high, or that's the definition of pure love now....? idk...i've nothing against romance...but all the romance i'm seeing these days feel so hollow/shallow and unfeeling...and i wonder if i can still meet one that can sweep me off my feet or whatever....

i'm just tired now.

and when i see people saying things like two boys kissing randomly(without even established feelings/relationship) realistic....uhm....no. it's not realistic. maybe in your idealistic world. but in actual world and setting...no. i wonder how do they define realistic anyway. maybe from where you're coming from...it's realistic? (i doubt it, but whatever) but if i am to talk realistic, the setting needs to be in consideration...(don't get triggered...this is not attacking the fav of aff-...in any way, i paired same gender peeps too...but i'm being objective, taking society into consideration, i wouldn't call unrealistic things realistic just cuz i prefer it or whatnot...)

it's so rare to find things to read...

oh well...

oh well pt3

also....produce 101 s2...sometimes i wonder...how can thousands, millions peeps from all over the places watch...and all coincidentally only like n care n notice a certain few....there'd be the wanna one kids, the bnm, the nu'est/pledis, the mmo, the rbw, the yuehua, the cube,.....a couple other popular ones prior to the show, some that got lucky to gain attention through the show...

how is it possible everyone only sees them, how?

if i could...i'd have written and try to bring more kids to spotlight...but hey i'm just one person...i can only do so much of pointless effort to try make people see there are more than the few you see...even though i know ppl won't care for them anyway...

but really...those other 50+ other uncared for kids you don't mention even once, they don't go to the show just to be the backdrops, just to be forgotten or worse, to be completely unnoticed...

i'm really curious how everyone came to like the same few...

actually even in season 1...i tried really hard to hold myself back when i see fics or anything mentioning 'girls from produce 101 season 1'...but then turned out it's just ioi...like....eh....as far as i remember...there's 101 girls or a little less...not 11....and even when you see people asking your fav trainee from season 1....almost everyone's answer will be ioi members....yawnz.....zzzzz

i can only deduce it as people are drawn to popular ones...or else i couldn't make any other sense...how everyone coincidentally gravitate to the same ones...seriously...is it possible for everyone to naturally only interested in the same few without popularity factor being in the mix?....i say impossible.

oh well...

but really...sometimes when i watch again some perfs from first evaluation and i didn't even know some dudes even though they didn't even do badly....my heart breaks...this goes for season 1 too...but idk...for season 2...i feel there are more solid trainees that were totally ignored...(although season 1 does have niwa shiori...super solid performer...but ranked one of the last places if not last...isn't that crazy? n you have kim sohye in top11...)

if only i have so much love to spare...but when i love...it gets a bit...hardcore...so that makes it hard for me to really stan or even care for a lot of trainees at the same time cuz the little already drained me....

if only...

oh well...

omg pt1.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVvMXd2gnjS/

omg!!! how is he so adorably lovable? T^T...i love how eloquent and good with words he is...i wanted to say humble, grateful and all things nice...but really would any trainee be idiot to not say humble nice things? maybe there are some dumb enough to do that,  who knows lol....but still...his words sound so nice...such a pleasant n positive good mannered kid....T^T...i love how he mentioned 'the other 100 trainees' aside of wanna one....frankly...i can't be bothered with wanna one...but if my kid show support for them...well, uh good for him...i respect him but it won't make me become a wannaone stan/supporter just to follow my kid....lol.

anyway, Seokyu reopened his instagram too it seemed...omg!!!...and so far he only followed two people....Kim Yehyeon and Jang Moonbok? isn't that adorable? my kid T^T....Yehyeon was his partner during hidden box....and as for Moonbok...for almost all his random cameratime in produce 101 when he was in F-rank(before he went up to D)....he's always seen with Moonbok(not to mention it seemed he's a fan xD...check out the link just right below)...xD...Yehyeon already followed him....Moonbok...i'm waiting....you better...

and it seem his taste is quite unconventional to an extent....not entirely but still...quite impressive.

anyway, i love this kid...and his talented group that unfortunately is always in a shambles...i might need to work harder to try make more people know and love them...even if just in aff...lol bcuz the outside world is too dizzying for me. maybe i'll spam comments in their yt n instagram too to make the company wake up n get to work...bcuz timing is important...if they don't catch it fast...the boys' appearance in produce 101 would go to waste....now is the time to use that bragging rights...what even is the company doing with them?...i know the group is left with just a few members again...but whatever...if they need, just get one solid main vocalist...n they're good to go....bcuz it seem all the main vocalist material has either disappeared or left(temporarily or permanent i've no idea, i mean it's Pureboy...you must be insane if you can get any sure idea with them....)

but what do i do...i've come to love them so much that i'm downloading every single perf and watch almost all vids i could find...T^T....

omg pt2.

just when i was thinking to deactivate my facebook for the nth time...since i rarely login anyway....today i logged in...and.....mr not human accepted my friend req!!!!! omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now...i'm not someone who just go add all my fav idols on facebook...bcuz i know they'd have no reason to accept anyway i mean we're not even friends nor will we ever be...but i did add a few when idk....caught offguard for too much curiosity/feels? lol. or frustrated bcuz nowhere else i could get their update? or knowing they post lots of good stuffs there? idk which one...i've actually added him some time ago...n he didn't accept so yeah i wasn't expecting him or any other idols i added to accept anyway...just trying my stalking luck....

but today, when i went in...seemed that he accepted me some weeks ago...n i'm like....whyyyyy?

well, before you think i'm special snowflake or trying to claim myself to be....dude has over a thousand 'friends' so no biggie....probly his fans added him too and he accepted them too...all in one go...

but now...idk whether i should still deactivate my fb or not...i mean it's unbelievable to see one of your fav oppars(not really but whatev) in your friendlist...though i doubt i'll ever talk to him...maybe just comment on his cover vids...though that might have to wait...cuz the last cover he posted there was a GD song or sth...but i didn't bother check it out since....uhm....no interest? even though dude's voice is just otherworldly....yg's music never really get me feeling interested...so yeah....

the reason

when i go over my fics....i realize how limited n uncreative i am.....my setting is almost always entertainment world...lol. i did write some other settings...but rarely. i guess...the reason i feel comfortable n passionate abt this is bcuz...i come from a background closely related to medias. my parents worked in media in the past...from their experience n knowledge of the absurd things that happen behind 'news' you get...n crazy twist of facts/reality delivered...i just can't take anything i learn from medias seriously..even those news you read/watch n hold onto as facts...no...just...no....entertainment world itself is closely related to media...and another family member has worked in broadcasting world n involved in show productions and celebrities...here, i learn of entertainment world facet that somehow didn't surprise me much anymore after all the crazy things i already learnt that might not make sense...but scarily happens...and lastly...i learnt more dirty norms of the industry when i took on script writing course and learnt from veteran who knows the tips n tricks of that world and couple other course related to medias, and acting, stage, etc.

The things i learnt while growing up and while being a student...made me very wary and skeptic of fangirls oversupportiveness n overpositivity n overconfidence of all things opparunnir....while being super critical on others...when for all you know....medias are the most unreliable thing...oh how one thing can be bended n twisted to a whole nother thing...n how media is exactly meant to manipulate your lil innocent gullible minds.

idek why i'm telling this. i guess just cuz i feel chattery...it's been a very draining n torturous day(yesterday, but i wrote this post last night anyway). i realize i like to stay in my comfort zone when writing fics...i guess i love delving on what could truth possibly be as opposed to truth you're served with bcuz the seek of truth's possibility isn't something you can do in real life...not even close...ahh..idk....i'm starting to feel sleepy now...

bonus: and idk....i keep seeing posts of people leaving aff...due to growing up n becoming more matured n have greater priorities in life....and that aff is where they spent their tweens but now they're all grown up....it always make me reflect back n ask myself 'when are you gonna grow up? writing fanfics n being in aff are for kids, what u still doing here?'...

i wonder when will i ever....grow up...

is this really just a site for kids...then how come all the ...

i know someone gonna come to tell me it's not...spare that effort...

i know there are adults here...it's just that seeing so many kids saying they're leaving cuz they've grown up...just made me think...but even if this site is for kids...i'm glad even to have a place to be a kid. i think i need that. will i ever face a day where i would announce i'm leaving cuz i've completely grown up....?

maybe if i really have grown up...i'd just leave quietly for good cringing to myself at all the shiets i did n wrote here...lol.