My first mistake was falling in love with you, my second was knowing you didn’t love me back, and my third…well that was when I continued to love you knowing we could never become anything.

There is nothing more I could ever want then for you to just be happy. It’s hard for me to get that to roll off my tongue because I know deep down I will never be that person to make you feel that special kind of happiness that you didn’t believe existed. To be everything you need is something I could wish for but I know it’s something that I could never be and trying to be that will get me close to nowhere.

Falling in love with my with one of my friends was never thought to be in my future. Falling in love with someone who I know could never love me the same way was not intended and if I could I would fall out of love with who you are. Unfortunately that isn’t how that exactly works. Wanting something, or someone you can’t have hurts more than words could ever describe, but it’s the chase that keeps people from turning away from the inevitable, painful truth. The unrequited love I feel for her isn’t one of those situations where I could hope that maybe one day she will love me back, or even the situation of that there was a possibility that she did love me back once, just not the same kind of love I had for her. No, the unrequited love I have is selfish cause I know it’s not mine or her fault that she could never love me the same way I do for her.

After everything I still can’t stop loving who she is for exactly who she isn’t. In a fantasy world I know that she wakes up one day and realizes what is right in front of her face, and just maybe sees me for more than just one of her friends. That’s all unrealistic and as much as I love the feelings I have towards her I also passionately hate them because there’s no other way I could explain  rather than calling it a ‘selfish love’ I have burning deep inside my core. I’m selfishly in love with someone I knew right from the start could never love me back.