1.Poster (8/10)

I like the way you made the poster simple and straight to the point. It’s cutesy enough for it to be about school life, yet displays all the major characters. I immediately knew who was going to be in it and what kind of feeling the story was supposed to have. But the only down part to it was, the background and the poster clashed. The poster being a bright orange color, while the background was a pastel color is kind of distracting.

2. Title (7/10)

It’s related to the plot and it’s catchy, but the thing is, it doesn’t stand out among other SHINee fics. Sure, the plot may differ, but to a reader, why must they read something that looks similar to all the other titles?

3. Plot (9/15)

Here, no sense of originality. As you said, typical SHINee fic, and no one wants to read the same story plot twice. Although you may have altered it by having Jiyong as her brother, there’s nothing else that I can see so far about whether or not it has a different plot. I don’t know if it’s just the beginning of the story that it’s like this, or if it may run throughout the story, but try to play around with the plot a little bit. Even taking things from everyday life can sometimes play a major role in whether or not it’s an interesting enough read. Remember, it’s not the storyline that gets us hooked, but the details inside that really get out attention. Just like dramas, we know what’s most likely to happen (i.e. heroine falls in love, because they have a hate/love relationship or started out as friends, later runs into a big conflict, jealousy comes, and then she finally gets the guy at the end) but the reason we stay and watch is the suspense of not expecting what is going to happen next. So I think you just need to develop this a bit more.

4. Spelling andGrammar (15/20)

I think you may need to write this out in Word Document or use spelling/grammar check before you post the story. I know it’s probably because you were writing, and within the timespan of writing, you got lost and some words were on the screen but others were left unsaid or untyped. The grammar in some chapters were kind of distracting though because I kept having to read the sentence once or twice before having to figure out what you were trying to say. And in the introduction, you have a little pronoun mistake, most likely confusing readers as they read Mi Young’s character description. And remember one thing, it’s always important to capitalize your ‘I’ when saying “I did this today so I could…”

5. Prologue/Trailer/Character Introduction (11/15)

Not too revealing, and not too shady to the point where I don’t know what its characters are going to be like. But the thing that bugged me is that in Mi Young’s character description, there’s not really a description as there is just the plot of the story put into her description. Tell what kind of person she is (i.e. bubbly, likes to talk, shy). I would also like to suggest you to put some description for the Big Bang members since they will be a big influence on the story as well. What kind of big brother is Jiyong? How do the members treat Mi Young? Does Taeyang always do the ‘mommy’ things?

6. Flow of the story(9/10)

I think that for a beginning, this is okay as it is now, but remember, detail is the most important when writing a story. When you wrote about Taemin being dressed in a skirt, I literally laughed my off. And judging from your comments, your readers are enjoying this too.

7. Overall Enjoyment (16/20)

I would say it’s enjoyable to where things they do are cute, but other than that, there’s no suspense in what they might be doing next. In the last chapter, Jonghyun says “We’re going to be best buddies” and Mi Young replies with a sarcastic remark in her thoughts, but it would’ve been better if you gave them some expression. Like, if instead Jonghyun would have said that, followed by a smirk, then readers would anticipate what Jonghyun’s smirking about and what he has in store in his dino head.

Reviewer Remarks:

Overall, I think you just need to go over your stories again to see if they make sense. You probably didn’t make grammar mistakes on purpose, but editing a story before posting it makes a difference for a first read. Also, please, I beg of you, Separate The Dialog.
Reading this:

“Oh really?” I giggled as I playfully pushed his shoulder. “Why? Do you not think so?”

And this:

“Oh really?” I giggled as I playfully pushed his shoulder.

“Why? Do you not think so?”

Can make a whole lot of difference as to who’s talking and who isn’t. Right now it can still be figured out, but along the way, it could and will be confusing. It may make sense to you, as the writer, but it may be different for the reader. But I would love to read on and see what happens! ;D Good Job!

Overall: (75/100)