I know you guys probably thought I had fallen off the face of the planet, but I've just been busy with my growing family!

I really want to write my birth story down somewhere, so I figured here was as good a place as any. 

My little one was due on February 7, but February 7 came and went with absolutely no signs of her making an appearance. I had an appointment on February 13th, when I was 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, and my doctor said I wasn't dilated, effaced, or softening. I also wasn't having regular contractions. So she scheduled an induction for Friday. I cried at the clinic because I was so done with being pregnant and I wanted to meet my princess. 

So the next night, on Valentine's Day, I was laying in bed with my husband, watching Captain America on my computer. All of a sudden I felt this huge gush of water that wouldn't stop. I was like, "omg babe my water just broke!" My poor husband was like, "WHAT?" So I jumped off the bed (I'd put a towel down just in case something like this happened) and I was still gushing water. It seriously wouldn't stop. So my husband went and got my mom (she flew to Korea to be with me for the birth) and I called my midwife, who told me to go ahead and go to the birthing clinic. 

We got to the clinic about 12:30 am on the 15th. They monitored my contractions and told me to try and get some rest. They came back about 6am and checked my contractions again, but they weren't getting strong enough. Normally they would just wait for the contractions to get stronger on their own, but once your water breaks you're at a higher risk of infection and they need to get the baby out. So they gave me pitocin to speed things along. Pitocin basically makes you have stronger and faster contractions, but they also make your contractions a lot worse than they would be naturally. 

So fast forward a few hours and I am literally dying from the contractions. I'd wanted to have an unmedicated birth, but the contractions were coming so fast and so strong (only about 20-30 seconds of relief between each one) that I was bawling and asked for an epidural. More like screamed for one, actually. The thing with Korean epidurals is that they're not nearly as strong as the ones you'd get in America. In America, if you get an epidural, you're basically numb from the waist down. You can't get out of bed and walk, you can't go to the bathroom (you get a catheter), etc. In Korea, the epidurals are about 1/4 as strong. So the epidural I got gave me about 45 minutes of pain relief and then completely wore off. I was back to bawling and screaming again. 

So I begged my midwife for another epidural (or I guess more medicine in the epidural I already had). She said she wanted to check my cervix first and when she checked, I was at 10 cm and ready to start pushing! I was so relived to hear those words. Little did I know that the worst was yet to come. 

I'd read that the actual pushing stage can take anywhere for a few minutes to an hour or two. Mine took about 3-4 hours. I was actively pushing for so long I thought I was going to die. I was in so much pain and, since the epidural had worn off, there was no relief at all. I moved around the room pushing in different positions, but the baby's head was stuck in the birth canal and she just wouldn't come. But because she was already in the birth canal, they couldn't give me a c-section (which I ended up begging for because I was in so much pain). 

Finally, she moved down enough that they could see the top of her head when I pushed. So I'd push really hard and she'd crown, but then I'd lose energy and she'd slide back in. Her head was stuck coming out of me for about 30 minutes, stretching and tearing me all the while. And then, with one giant push, there was this huge relief of pressure and the rest of her slithered out after her head. Then I heard her cry and they put her on my chest and everything else was forgotten. 

I'm so in love I don't even know what to do. I didn't think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love my little princess. She's absolutely perfect.