I am having a hard time with my research proposal. My classmate and I kept on changing topics. It's just the two of us, and the topic suggested to us by our professor is a prototype research about digital trainer. We accepted, but we forgot about the possibility of the outcome of the proposal or the process. Since it's a prototype, the cost will be divided by just the two of us. And we both have little support from family since there are other important fees to pay.  

We ended up with a social study type of research, but our professor suggested that we widen our study that will relate to Electrical Engineering methods than relate to social studies just talking about electrical engineering.

Now I suggested we go back to digital trainer prototyping, but still the worry of the expenses troubles us, and my classmate suggested a design proposal or the like.

I'm having a hard time gathering my thoughts. I wish it's easy to make an electrical engineering proposal as it is to have an idea for a  next story plotline.

I wish someone could help us. But that won't really help us at all.

I am really having a hard time, but the end is already near, Just few more months and I will be done in university. I just have to put more efforts in my studies. But how can I when my anxieties are attacking me day by day. I wish I could go on auto mode and then just be in manual mode when October comes.

I told myself to have a break from the virtual world. But when my hands are in auto motion to open my social accounts, sigh. Maybe I should just open my email account, and just a few site for research purposes. Ah, no, not 'maybe' but just 'do'.

I know I can only help myself. I should overcome of my fear of socializing, fear of people, fear of going out, fear of everything.

How can I achieve my dreams, my wishes if I cower and curl up in the corner and wait for it to come to me?

Wah, now I am ranting and scolding and reprimanding myself. 

I wish I could go back to the me before that thinks that I can conquer everything, that I can surpass every problem thrown my way.

I want to be competitive again.