Hey ppl!

YO A.R.M.Y, where y'all at?

Sup my EXO-L.

Lets go Carats you know that highlight choreo was lit ;P

Sorry to the rest of the other kpop groups I stan imma get to the point rn.

ANYway, I just wanted to start my blog off with pouring my emotions out. I'm sure this post will be really relatable to y'all out there. I'm sorry for the following cliche..

So as you may have realized from my username, I am a huge Taehyung fan. I feel like I've personally known him, even though I've never met him. Thanks to english subtitles and my korean bestie's occasional mini lessons (s/o to emily lysm), I have become closer and closer to him. Except that that's not the case.

I've been watching and judging and loving and crushing and living... from a screen. And people tell me that I can't love someone from a screen. This is probably true. But I have never loved any guy more than I've loved Taehyung.. Even the nice guys that I've actually interacted with in real life. And seriously, who cannot love TaeTae? Thousands and thousands of girls are falling for him. Its just the truth. From what we see, he's physically beautiful (no one can deny), his voice is amazing (okay, seriously this is an understatement), he's kind and loving towards his family (every single concert.. "eomma, appa, saranghae!") and his friends (watch the vlogs.. just watch them..).

Sometimes I just feel so pathetic loving someone I haven't met and who doesn't know I exist..  Even if I did meet Tae and BTS, I'd only be another fan in the crowd while he would be my world. Sometimes this seems so unfair.. Yet him and BTS are sort of my lifeline. They help me get through hard times when I feel alone; although it all causes pain when I wake up and realize my fantasies aren't going to come true. 

Its hard; sometimes we say fangirling is all worth it. One day, my friends, we'll mature and move on and accept the reality. But for now.. lets just appreciate our idols as people who try to make us smile. In the end, they're people like us. They should have rights to their own life, too.

I guess sometimes I just live in a world of fantasy and hope. Recently, I heard about the Taejoy rumors. I was so sad, although I knew this was probably fake and I never had a chance anyway (we live in totally different worlds and I don't even speak korean xp TT). I was also sad knowing that in reality, I'd never be a part of their life, despite them being a really big part in mine.  Staying up all night watching their videos with english subs, listening to their music 24/7 , fangirling with friends and squealing so much we seem high (and get way too many stares from other unfortunate and oblivious people), literally dreaming of them in my sleep, reading fanfics at 4 am.. Thats my life.

I can't say getting into the kpop fangirl world completely changed me; I still love Vivaldi and Mozart (SHOUTOUT TO MY CLASSICAL SQUAD YOOO) and I still lurrrrrrrve my kpop hater frans (BUT I STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH THEIR OPINIONS OKAYY s/o to bae #1 you know who you are...). But I've been changed to some extent. I've gone from that girl who thought she'd never like boybands, shaming the 1D squealers when I thought, "I'm better off not relying on other people to make myself happy.." But look at me now. I'm legit drowning in BTS tumblr gifs, spamming random ppl on snapchat with tae's aegyo and selcas, and my friends will tell y'all all about my locker..

. I'M NOT ASHAMED!!!!

s/o to the girl who introduced me to this drug and escape and beauty called kpop.. ty/ly

I just wanted to say that, fangirls/guys out there, I feel y'all. TYSM for reading this. ly all <3