Ah.. it’s been a while. I know I would have to touch on this topic at some point in time. There’s some things I’d like to discuss for anyone who has been wondering what’s been going on lately. This will most likely be detailed, lengthy and depressing; so if you’re sensitive to that kind of stuff or don’t want to read, then please click away.

As some of you may already know.. I’ve been on a very long hiatus now. And honestly.. I never would have thought that I’d be gone for this long. To cut to the chase, I’ve been going through a lot of things in my personal life. My closest friends would know what I’m talking about since I’m sure I told some of you’s before. I know I haven’t been around much lately; I want to sincerely apologize for that. A lot of things have been going on and I’ve lost my muse to write ever since something traumatic occurred last year back in January. This specific issue has constantly been reoccurring through majority of my life but worsened over the course of years up until this point. And it’s even reached a point where I thought I would probably need to quit AFF. I was unable to focus on any ideas for my current stories and I honestly didn’t want to update a story with content that wasn’t to my full potential. As for my readers, I know I broke my promises to update more often and I’m deeply sorry for that.

For months I’ve felt guiltier for letting more time pass without updating. The spark to write just wasn’t there anymore, as much as I’ve tried to push myself. I know I shouldn’t make excuses for myself or try to justify my actions. But in all honesty, I didn’t have motivation to do anything anymore. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I didn’t even care about myself anymore.. I even pushed a lot of my friends away because of this. I just felt like a burden, I wasn’t the same anymore because of my depression. I really felt trapped with myself, I was weighing myself down. And I didn’t want to keep affecting others with my problems.

​As of now, these occurences have calmed down a bit. And I'd like to do my best to update whenever I'm able to. I really miss updating and I miss my readers. :/ I still love writing very much, it has always been a very strong passion of mines. I've been writing since I was 9 years old and I'm not planning on quitting anytime soon. Writing is my life, my happiness and my escape. If I could even make a future with writing, I probably would. So not writing for a year.. it really made me fall into a deeper depression than I already was in. But I couldn't just force myself to write when all I'd do is draw blanks in my head. I guess you can say that I've been hit with writers block for a long time.. But that's going to change now. I've been more motivated to write again lately.

​This year has been such a rollercoaster with the good and bad memories, the good and bad relationships, the good and bad decisions made or thought out. Overall, it's been one of my darkest years. However, three very, dear people to me helped get me through this. Those three people know who they are and I honestly want to thank you's for being there for me even through my darkest times. If it wasn't for you's, I wouldn't have recovered as quick as I thought. (I don't think a year is quick though..).

For the year of 2016, I'll surely never forget it. These obstacles helped my growth to define me more. I wasn’t much of a believer with “New Year’s resolutions” but I’d like to make major changes with myself for this year. I’d like to start updating again and more often, whenever I can. I’d like to start looking at things more in a positive light rather than harboring the negative inside. Lastly, I’d like to be more ambitious and persistent with my goals and dreams; to be more adventurous as well.

​I still don't know what the future may hold. Whether these incidents will reoccur or not, since it usually did every year in the past.. But regardless, I don't want to let it dictate my decisions anymore. You only live once, and I don't want to regret not pursuing my passions and dreams just because of certain situations that are out of my control, unfortunetly. With that said, I want to thank everyone who has been waiting patiently for my return. Please don't expect too much, I don't want to make promises that I may be unable to keep. Especially with college coming up this month too. But even so, I'll still make efforts to start updating as much as I can when I have the time to. I just wanted to clear up any questions or concerns anyone may have had.

I hope everyone had a wonderful year in 2016 and an even better one in 2017. And to just remember that the past doesn't define you as who you are right now; it only helps mold and sculpt you with your growth. Ah, wow.. eh this is much longer than I thought it would be... I'm not sure if most of you even reached the end of this blog, it took me forever to write. If any of you's have, thank you for even reading. I just really needed to get this off of my chest already. Especially since this has been on my mind for a very long time.

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