warnings: mentions of death and cruelty(?), dark thoughts

survivor’s guilt

Jung Taekwoon really hated having to take his medicine. He wasn’t sick.

Maybe he still dreamt of wolves hunting Hakyeon down in the dark woods at night and woke up with his screams still ringing in his ears, but the only one who was sick was the wolf who had killed him.

Maybe sometimes he turned into the wolf, hunting down a fleeting shadow he could only from his knowledge identify as the alpha wolf, the pack leader though not his leader, not anymore. He never caught him though so he couldn’t hurt him. He wasn’t the sick one after all.

Maybe his time at the military had him breaking down, finally falling apart and ending up seeing a psychologist only because they had requested him to shoot a gun. But it wasn’t he who was too afraid to pull the trigger who was sick, it was he who had pulled the trigger with the intention to kill.

He had been diagnosed with PTSD, but Taekwoon preferred to call it a failure of justice. It wasn’t he who was sick, it was the system that failed to condemn the one who really was.

Only when the pain was soaring up like a flame again, threatening to burn him out and never leave, only then he swallowed his pills and wished it was cyanide because he felt sick living in a world that had let Hakyeon die and watched without as much as a blink.

[I know we met under another name, this is my writing account - I hope you still recognize me, I left you a hint though xD]

This is a drabble about one of my draft ideas, not quite what we discussed back then - actually it's a completely different story except for the somewhat common motive of survivor's guilt. The only role the military plays is the mandatory military service in Korea which here serves as a trigger.

Feel free to ask me anything that is unclear, I just wrote this spontaneously in a surge of inspiration (in like five minutes?) so it might be a bit unclear... there is an entire story more or less planned out into details behind it though.

What do you think about it?