Lately I've been having huge ugly pimples in my face. And it's not even because I'm on my period or I'm about to have my period. I track my cycle and even when I'm 20 or more days away from it, I break out, a lot. Well it's not really that terrible actually it is I won't deny but I constantly have two or three huge zits on my face. That amidst the numerous ugly healing pimples or scars.

When the zits heal they just turn into dark spots, which are really annoying. I look like I have tons of moles in my face, not to mention those areas are very dry and flaky. What I hate about the zits the most is that they're very sensitive. If that ugly patch of skin will get contact on anything, it will bleed.

So now I look like an injured war-freak because I have no choice but to cover them with bandaids, cool right, my younger brother says I look like a ninja. I never had this much trouble on my skin before, I had no problems with pimples or zits or scarring, so I don't understand anything really. Why is this happening now? What is wrong with me? 

I struggled managing my oily skin on a daily basis and I had gone the extra mile to look for make up that would be suitable for my skin needs, and yeah I found a few products that actually work. But I don't think that's the problem either, because I tried to stop using them and still, the zits happen. Annoying AF And if it's actually the problem, then I might as well have zits all over my face OH HELL NO, I PRAY TO ALL THE GODS, THE OLD AND THE NEW, FOR THAT TO NEVER HAPPEN. But then I only have them on certain areas, most especially my forehead and my left cheek. Anyways I'm always always careful with whatever I put on my face, since I generally have sensitive skin, that's also oily as mentioned, and now maybe I'm considering acne prone. 

I have a few guesses that might be right but I don't have the means to test, (1) first is that my zit problem is caused by my irregular menstruation, but my mom is not convinced. She said my menstruation is just fine and I really want to protest but then I don't want to argue with her anymore (our conversations about this topic goes way back and she doesn't just believe me) but I know my body because of course I live in it 24/7 for the rest of my life LMAO and I badly want to consult a doctor about this, but I guess my mom's just not interested anymore. So I cannot be sure if this is the cause of the problem because of those reasons above. -_-'' I'm not making sense ha . ha . ha. OTL

Instead, she generally blames it to (2) stress. The course that I am taking up for university is a physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually draining, degrading and exhausting discipline. I inculcate and assimilate my academic discipline into my lifestyle and I'm not complaining, I love doing it. So she says maybe it's just the stress, the sleepless nights, the skipping of meals, everything about this course that you chose that's causing your pimples, and yes maybe to some degree it does causes me to have zits. But even on vacation? Even on semestral break when I'm not doing anything school related? Even when I don't skip meals, I sleep more than the required hours a day and most especially I don't stress myself with mountains of readings, deadlines, daily quizes and all the things I generally cram about on a regular school seasons? 

It doesn't make sene at all. I don't like having these annoying things on my face, but who does? I know I'm already blessed enough to not be a victim of the worse case one could ever think of regarding acne, but I have that fear in me that what if it would come? I'm generally scared of these zits worsening and it's been stressing me out. I hated them and I wanted them away. But how? I tried treating them and I mostly succeed, after three days or so they heal (and then turn into ugly dark spots), but here they come again, sprouting like wild grass one after the other, not even after the old batch if fully healed. 

It's getting too tiresome. This war is already way too protracted for me to endure. In a few months or so I'm not going to be a teenager anymore and these problems should not be my concern any longer. When I was a teenager, I never had trouble with pimples, I had crystal clear face, why now? I read blogposts about people having trouble with acne in their twenties and I'm so scared I'll experience that too. OH NO PLEASE, I PRAY TO THE PIMPLE GOD PLEASE SPARE MY FACE I'm not even pretty to begin with, but I was proud of my clear skin, and now that it's no longer that, I feel like a poor man stripped off of his dearest lowly possession. 

I better start digging for my self confidence since it's starting to desert me. And the worse thing, my mom doesn't even think it's that gross and ugly? I don't want to get started here but anyone who experiences skin troubles feel like they are gross, ugly, and generally has low self esteem. Which is how I feel now, but she just shrugs it off like its ... meh you'll get pass that. Easy for her to say when she's taking contraceptive pills and it's making her face pimple free. But anyway, that's enough dissing my mom. 

I am troubled and I am looking for help, if there is any help available on this predicament. Why is skin care so complicated? Why do we have pimples? Why do they even happen? Why? They don't even balance out the food chain, so why do they exist? To anyone who knows the anwer. Please help me.