1. First of all, i keep noticing posts about anniversaries and i just realized....i just missed my own AFF anniversary by abt a week....haa....so....happy belated 5 years to myself i guess....though it feels like over the time....i've caused losses to myself more than gain anything...

2. lately...i don't feel very much alive or at least not in spirit nor physically tbh even though i'm not doing much....i feel like i lost a lot of the elements i love about my online self....but i'm trying...struggling...hence this blogpost...when it's not even easy anymore to actually publish one anymore...it's absurd but it's what happening....n my real life is spiraling downhill like it always does too...my reaction to it makes me fear the situation more than ever bcuz as if i don't have enough fear now i even feel the fear to try bounce back n to think positive....the feeling of overly self conscious n loser....

3. to make it worse....i've been kinda sick since i got back from a recent trip...where i was treated like a oh....potential terrorist...hah....try be Muslim(that actually practice/show that you practice your faith) n you'll get that free package....don't even try to justify else you want to turn me into a boohoo real terrorist mode here....heh

 

4. my internet bandwith for this month is eaten by Drinking Solo....what? blame it on Kibum n Chaeyeon for making me such a shipper(anywone wanna board this ship with me? cmon...)....it all started cuz of this ep i think(though i probly have already shipped them prior to this ep...but this ep made me start watching their parts...)

(n i think i like Dongyoung the most out of the kids...his character is cute n the acting is pure natural but kibum n chaeyeon is my ship definitely)...honestly...i'm not even their fan or their groups' fan...being on shipper mode makes me happy....for that reason...i've been watching some of my past drama ships like Siwan-Kyungpyo(Standby), Geurae-Sukyool(Misaeng), and the Take One guys in Full House Take 2 or something...lol....those dudes are too shipabble....i'm not one who ships for the sake of ...that's rather lame....i go for chemistry....feels...anyway, aside of Drinking Solo....i'm also having interest in On The Way to Airport and FantastiC. i have good taste rite? and speaking of Siwan...i'm so excited he'd be back to drama in a rather dark-sounding role...but his leading lady just make my interest almost completely lost in the mountains....sigh....maybe if the other dude turn out so interesting....i'll have to settle for bromance ship again for Siwan....a shame since i've been waiting to ship Siwan with a girl again....feels it's been too long since that....n speaking of Siwan...boo Misaeng didn't get much love at tvn awards...shame....it's one of the best dramas that walk the earth if not the best...at least Cheif Oh won best actor award

(and look at his puppies cheering for him......gahhhh...the sales team 3 is still as tight as ever...)

....now...that i keep getting fed up with Siwan's female partners(or mostly the upcoming one....blerh...major bummer i tell ya....)....can i hope for someone like SooAe(that'd be amazing...that woman is awesome)...or maybe Song Yoonah(haa, thanks K2...woman looks gorgeous n seems like an amazing actress...despite the drama seem so lame n tired n all things i'd avoid)....or Oh Yeonsoo?(blame it on Bad Guy...i love her in that).....or Uhm Jung Hwa(blame it on Witch's Romance though i think she'd be charming in any role...hate all those park seo joon fangirls that kept bashing her for being old...like ugh)...or Park Siyeon(cuz i just love her) actually, even in standby i would rather ship him with Kim Soohyun(Kyungpyo's older sister) than Jung Somin....idk...i think Siwan + any noona(that isn't just 1-2 year age difference) would be awesome...i wouldn't mind any veteran actress....rather than bland young actress...don't get me wrong...young doesn't necessarily mean bland...but the ones he keep pairing with just....not really my taste save for some that i actually like, like Park Seyoung...not that he's paired that many times anyway lol...the upcoming one just sound like such a bummer...unless some magic happen n they change the actress....which i doubt since...fandom power....

 

5. i found something nostalgically precious. it's rather personal....so i'd appreciate if you don't take out from here...(i know, silly request when i've made it not-so-personal by posting it here, but hey...not like it's anything worth reposting n not like i'm some celeb rite lol)

ok ready?...

TADA!

proofshot of my first Battle CD prize i won(huffs in pride...so precious)....i was poor at that time...Battle was quite popular enough to be promoting in Thailand n China at that time...but even though Thailand was pretty near/not that far from my country....traveling was out of question...even to buy CDs online wasn't easy....the cost were damn higher n i was so damn much poorer...naturally...but then...that wasn't the only thing...i was always this hyper active crazy fan in their forum...even without any events/activities so when there actually were activities going on...naturally i wouldn't miss it...n it was Ryu's bday....so me coming up as the overall winner felt more awezome. was/is he my fav member? hmm...maybe...maybe not always...i came in cheering for a different member the most...although yes, i do cheer for all the members i mean cmon it's Battle my heartbleeding love....but how did it end up him...? maybe bcuz i gravitate so much to the unappreciated awkward sweetness? i just kept noticing how everyone spazz more abt other members n how he's underappreciated for all his awesomeness as the cheesy kind theatrical awkward gorgeous leader self /coughslol/....n how he always look down on himself too n tries really hard...he's not the best rapper/vocal/dancer...nope. but he's such a warm sunshine...ok....sun is Lio....Ryu's nature sign is Ocean...haa, Battle fans would know. ;)

here, have a taste of Battle's awesomeness...their first live perf in fact...aka their 2nd debut stage...(the first wasn't live for some whatever reason)

completely live.

 

6. i think you can guess it...rite...if Mr.Not Human uploads new cover, (Park Hyoshin's song this time)...of course i'ma share it here..

...damn....he's making me listen to all these ballady ballads i hate/never bat an eyelash to....like wth Im Han Byul? just....what/who are you?

again...i think he did awesome...but when did he ever not?

I'm still waiting for justice for people like him, ppl like Kevin....for their talents to be appreciated...

speaking of appreciation...isn't it awesome that his MC The Max cover already reached a million views...like for a cover...that's huge feat....n his Im Chang Jung cover is nearing the million mark too i guess....already passed the million mark too....for just a cover...

 

7. also...my Jomoongeun Band....new song's perf....

yay...i will always root for this passionate amazing guy whether solo, with his band or whatever he feels like doing....he's gonna rock it anyway...i'm so happy i discovered him...all thanks to the video of superstar k top 10..

..when i saw a comment saying that even though seo in guk won the show...to the commenter...jo moon geun is the winner....that instantly piqued my interest to find out which one dude is n how awesome he is.i'm just bummed such an awesome singer didn't even get a solo part in the song...n he's the runner up for cryin out loud...ugh...n he's also the contestant that started the musician trend in superstar k series i'd say....just look at how many musicians came in season 2 after jmg made such huge impact in season 1...anyway...you see....comments are meaningful...i wouldn't have found one of my fav dudes evar if not fro that comment i saw....they are important...not necessarily....but they are capable of making difference...be it small or massive...a difference is still a difference....n that's worth something....so stop being annoying silent readers with diva-istic demands n start commenting n showing ur appreciation....

 

8. i just did something crazy....i added mr.not human as friend on fb....lol....i don't do that kinda thing on a usual basis...but he seems to update videos/pics actively there n there's no follower button so this would be easiest to get updates....idk if he'll accept or not...i feel kiddy just doing this....then again...what is it that i do that don't feel kiddy? as in...immature...

 

9. just wanna share one of my fav drama otp...xD

not just cuz of the kiss...i genuinely think they have THE chemistry...but of course...that kiss helps to bring that to light...hahaha...but their bickering yet caring relationship wins me too...n i didn't even watch the drama save for some scenes/a couple episodes...yikes....

n as a bonus...making of the scene...

now if anyone's gonna write this ship...please do let me know....aaaahhh...i'm gonna be your loyalest reader/commenter ever...(but please make the story interesting n not too lame/bland/cliche...)

i dunno how but i even came to love their song...lmao.....xD Take One Take One!! i just hate how they broke up n made two artistes of it (Take Two and Only One...whut? ain't nobody can take that place...only Take One...)

i need another drama with Park Kiwoong n No Minwoo ASAP.....even better if just them n no female lead cuz...cmon...they can bicker all they want but i don't wanna see them fighting each other just for a girl....actually...if it's like in this drama....it's good enough since their friendship remains strong to the end despite presence of a girl...as main otp with one of them...

as the epic bonus:

gahh the feels....them being reunited back..../tears/....well, i think no min woo lacked a bit in the passion department(and i'm not even talking bout the kiss lmao)...but it's okay...park ki woong had enough for the both of them....n their chemistry...../flails/....opparrrrr....

park ki woong's smiles killed me....T^T....

 

10. i feel full of worries, hopelessness n emptiness lately...i guess this is why it's better to not be old n single? as average ppl would justify?....but then again....i don't think not having a man is the problem(frankly i don't even feel like i'm missing out on one)...but more like...not having a friend....n i do acknowledge that whenever i do have friends...i drive them away....it's my own fault....i only regret n start missing them everytime the deeds were done n i'm too egoistic so i shall live in regrets haha...maybe i'm hoping for friends i shouldn't....n not appreciating ones i have....my own fault....it feels lonely to feel that none of your real life friend genuinely care for you...when you reach out to them....they'd be the friendliest thing....but when it's always you reaching out.....you'd start to wonder if you're clinging onto this friendship mroe than any of them won't you? i hate to admit that i'm lonely...bcuz it feels like i'm outing out my weakness...but i feel that if i am to find a way to feel better n get over this feeling of weakness...i need to have the strength to admit to it...i think i'm able to admit to many things many people who seemed to have it better or doing better won't be able to....that thought alone makes me feel that i have a strength regardless of it being a relevant one or not...

but still....

11. random but...the last crush of my life(haa, supposedly) had finally gotten married....i guess that was it....i don't have anymore energy to even crushing on anyone lmao...not like it's planned....even for this dude...i had a crush after like a decade of his absence in my life....cuz i suddenly realized how nice he had been to me compared to any other dudes ever....some decade ago...random rite? lmao....he was still so nice when we met again in sns...but of course he never knew abt my petty crush....not like i ever plan to take any actions whenever i'm crushing on anyone...other than stalking them....i guess i kinda like being alone...it's just...when friendship is concerned....i feel more strongly...n the pain is stronger than seeing the guy you crush on getting married....

 

12. okay...since it was just passed my anniversary...for aff...i'm wondering if i should start(again?) any project or do something fun?....

maybe...to be continued...

any suggestion...feel free to throw 'em in...

 

hmm...ok so to end this post.... today earlier i saw post abt this song more than words...n it totally reminds me of this...

so beautiful....

 

-edit-

i guess...it's time to say goodbye to Nine Muses...no more Moon Hyuna...this marks the departure of my final fav left in the group...n she's like one of my most fav fav....so....bummer...but i guess....i should be thankful Rainbow is still together. oh well...i'm sad abt nine muses but ....it was good while it lasted...they gave me so many awesome songs n i'm happy for that. yeah they're not yet disbanded but to me....there's nothing left for me to look forward....maybe their songs will be as good as ever...but when there's no more voices you look forward to....that makes a lot of difference...

 

i managed to blabber out a lot....

that's an achievement...uhh

yay.