So I have been thinking...

It is time to say goodbye, Asianfanfics. 

My account has been deactivated for a few days (bet no one knew, huh?) and while I was at it, I've thought a lot about stuff and came to this conclusion.

I've decided to stop sharing my stories here on AFF.  It was a very nice ride--29 finished and unfinished stories, 252 friends (although I wished there would have been more hahaha), 2348 unique subs, and 10,468 total subs. I have met a lot of great people and I am very grateful for that.

It started as a stress reliever for me--oh I do have problems on my own too--but there was a point in time where I felt this has become one of those problems. At first, this has been a nice walk in the park but then there were rough tracks I had to face--I mean how are people so mean as to insult what I have laid out and written for you guys, even going as far as to say I don't write my poems on my own? 

I've decided I've had enough of that and the best way is by doing this.

And honestly, you guys are the best but I feel like we've all become detached to each other. Ahhh...I don't know how to say it without sounding like a but here it goes...(I'm sorry in advance). 

It hurts me sometimes when people demand for updates and when I do write one, they act as if I never existed. I mean I'm busy too, I go to university--studying Accounting and Finance--, I go to work training people, I go out to see my friends and yet, I almost all the time forego sleep just so I can share my words to you guys. It has been a lot of sleepless nights and 5k-15k word updates (it reached 23k words for just one update that one time) and it really does feel good to have your efforts be appreciated.

I know I have a lot of silent readers--I mean there's 2k of you but I only talk to about how many? Around ten people? You don't know how many people ultimately stopped talking to me. It makes me think sometimes.

What am I doing wrong? Are the stories so ty and ugly that no one wants to read it? I mean I don't edit all of them but the grammar's fine and the writing is fine too but what am I doing wrong? 

Or is it because my storylines aren't what people want to read? What can I do when I can't write fluff anymore? I was never good at that anyway. >< My stories are different from the cliched ones out there--they tend to deal with the realness of the world and the rawness of emotions--and maybe the world isn't ready for that, you know? 

There were so many thoughts in my head and I feel like the constant need of approval and validation from my readers made me partially insecure about myself. I don't ever want to reach the point where I doubt something I have always been proud of--writing. 

And because of that I am going to be on hiatus here. 

And oh yeah, I lost my muse too. I'm not talking about Hae, I'm talking about Dara. I'm not a hater--I don't think I'll have the heart to hate her because I've followed her for twelve years and loved her in all those times too. I just feel like I don't know who she is anymore, that's all. I mean sometimes she says some things but does another. I guess maybe I was wearing rose-tinted glasses before but right now, I feel like I don't understand her at all. That's all. My darlings, I guess I've come to a point where I don't see Dara as that perfect goddess anymore. After all, all people have imperfections and I guess right now, I've chosen to acknowledge hers>< If you talk to me constantly, you'd know what I'm talking about lol

Ohhh just a side note that I want to address....I love her to bits--never question the amount of love I have for her because ahhhh I've had people question me if I already replaced her with Irene and I think it's just a bit insulting, you know? Just because I post a lot about Irene on Twitter, that doesn't mean I have replaced Dara or I like her more than I ever did Dara. So yeah.

I'm not going to share my stories anymore and I'll deactivate my account after a few days but I feel like I owe an explanation to those people who were wondering, "where the hell is Valerie?" . But I'll continue writing all the unfinished stories for me--for my eyes only. Who knows? Maybe after a week...two weeks...one month...two months...a year...two years, I'll be back and post all of those updates together. XD

For now, I'll continue to be a Royal, waiting for the OTP to become real but rest assured if they aren't I wouldn't deem it as a loss because I know Dara and Donghae are very good friends and nothing could ever change that. XD 

It has been a very interesting journey with you all. 

Thank you for the nice ride! It is time to say goodbye, everyone. :)

With all the Royal love, 

Valerie