okay okay okay

i know

I'M WRITING TOO MANY OF THESE!!!

>.< i really should stop,

but i find myself sad a lot so i write them

i shall write a happy one very soon

so i found this when i was looking through my drawers

and i noticed it was really old

it came from my depressing days

it's very short:

HEARTBEAT

No. Don't Leave.
My pale skin stands out against the all black surroundings. I'm alienated. I can't blend in. Where are you? Where is my pillar? There's nobody beside me. I'm alone.
The radiance I once had is now dull. All gray. The sunlight is my only source of color. There is nothing else.
No. Not you too.
I need you by my side. You're the only one who makes me feel human. Like I'm not an outsider. I need your warmth. I need you.
Why is it that when I reach for you, I leave empty-handed? I have given so much, to be given nothing in return. I gave you my happiness. Where is it now? Where is it when I need it most?
When I leave, you don't care. It's like I don't matter to you. You mattered to me. I comforted you.
But you could never comfort me.
I was like every other thing to you.
And I could always be replaced.
My heart beats its final words. A war drum. Beating the sounds of surrender. It's ready. Done. No going back now. No regrets.
I can't go back now. It's not right.
What happened to my importance? The future I had all planned out?
They were only dreams.
Dreams that had been torn to shreds.
Dreams that had gone up into the air like a wisp of smoke.
A candle gone out.
My disappearance meant nothing.
In fact, it was desired. And what better a person I would be if I had given them what they desired most?
I'm too tired to chase after you... Too tired to give you my last heartbeat.

so i was talking to stephen the other night

(lol, he texted me first saying that he wanted to drop by since he was playing wedding dress

by taeyang and thought of me) :D

and i told him about my other blog post "GONE"

he wanted to read it since, he told me to write it

i send it to him and he tells me that it was those were the exact feelings

he had during that period

O.O

that comment made me happy xD

knowing him, he probably wants me to send him this one....

:P oh wells~

brb, imma post a haiku next ;D