So today is like a major blowout day for me. Actually it was not bad in terms of school because while everyone was testing for Biology, I got to sit in classes by myself and other Science majors laughing at the lack of work that was presented to us. So yay me. But besides that, I feel mad unproductive. Like MAD unproductive. For the past 45 minutes, I was surfing asianfanfics without actually reading anything, starting a story without any chapters, flpping through song after song on my spotify... etc. 

I should be praying and qting because I need this sanctuary like right now. Like I need God right now. But Im So Lazy. Lol I guess not lazy enough to type the previous sentence in like caps for the first letters. But legit. Idk what it is but my laptop is killing my brain cells.

Breaking News: I don't know what a blog is. What is a blog anyway? Well I actually don't care what a blog is so for me, this is gonna be like... I dont know... an introspective way of letting my day and feelings out? OOh I know. Personal therapist but internal. Dang nabbit this song is loud.

(lowers volume) There we go.

Why am I so lame lol

I hope I'm loved. Do all the kpop idols I like like Jungkook and Jimin and etc actually feel loved when their fans scream for them on stage?? Like its so impersonal. Like everyone remembers Britney Spears and her mental breakdown a couple years ago... And she was pretty old I would say. Well no not really but older than my BTS baes. Isn't the pressure like impossible to stand? I mean pressure to be perfect all the time is like.. hard. I know what that feels like and I'm assuming that BTS are human like me.

So...? What keeps them going? Alcohol? Acceptance? Lust? I guess they have everything I just said right at their reach.

Why can't they be more human? I remember when they were still fetus and stuff singing about being famous and how adults are crushing their dreams. But that stage is gone and I kinda miss it. At that time I really wanted them to become what their songs said, like people screaming their name and feeling super loved and crushing adults for crushing their dreams.

But now, I want the old BTS back. I'm scared for their safety. Like mental safety. 

One day, someone is bound to break under the pressure. I hope they loosen up before its too late.

Peace, Love, Christ.