Jessica’s MV is out. I was ecstatic to see her video. She is beautiful, as always. And all I can think about the whole time I was watching was how it must have been so hot filming that video. Aircon is life after all. 

Then, I remembered how I felt when I learned that she left. SNSD--my source of happiness in this stressful life--has hurt me in ways I could never have fathomed. It’s amazing and bizarre how people I don’t even know personally has hurt me so deeply. I cried. It was probably for days. I remember speculating with my friends for hours about why she left. We wanted them to get back together. We wanted to believe that everything was just a misunderstanding.

A year and half has passed, SNSD went on promoting with eight members and Jessica went on with her life. Some SONEs are still hurt. Some just moved on. I’d like to believe that I did, but I can’t. I won’t. It will still hurt me. Not as much as it did the first time, but a tiny ache will be there. I don’t even know why it was such a big deal to me. Some people might think it’s a stupid thing--maybe it is.

All I know is that SNSD changed me. A lot of things might have changed but I will continue supporting them.