I know nobody really cares but I just want to let my frustrations out, hence this blog. I'm writing this fic "The Game We Play" and I just re read the whole thing and by Jove, I'm so inconsistent! The only reason left for me to continue writing it is I want it to be done soon and at least pay out to those who have read it from the beginning to the last chapter. I'm seriously considering just getting it over with, but I don't wanna do a half- job at it. So I'm sticking to the skeleton story I laid out for it and filling it up as I go along. However, I'm losing hope in my writing skills. The more fanfictions I read, the more I compare myself to others and how better they are at expressing how their characters feel. I know how Jiyong feels (cause the next chapter is going to be mostly about Jiyong's POV), but I don't know how to express it. The basic layout is he's still in love with Ri, but he doesn't know what to do. He's convinced he shouldn't get back together with him, but he still can't get rid of his feelings for Seungri. So he does this stupid thing with Soojoo. He's half-certain it's the right thing to do because he can justify it in his mind, but of course his heart is protesting really loudly that it isn't. And this conflict in Jiyong's self, I just can't express it the right way. I just wrote 2 pages of the next chapter and it's already so incoherent. I wanna portray the conflict that i can see is brewing in Jiyong's mind, but it results to inconsistencies in my writing. I want to just bang myself on the table really badly as a result of it. 

Maybe it also doesn't help that I've recently fallen in love with the MaLec ship in the The Mortal Instruments fandom. When I was writing what little I've written for the next chapter I could imagine Jiyong as Magnus, and as a result, he was snarky in my head. It's just 2 pages but it took me 5 hours already and I'm so tired I ended the second scenario abruptly. I think I'm really experiencing writer's block. I'm losing touch of what I thought NyongTory was going to be like when I first envisioned continuing the fic beyond the first chapter. I guess I'm really not made for multi-chaptered stories and should just stick with one-shots. It also doesn't help that I'm second-guessing the reveal of the Seungri-Jonghoon stuff which is meant for the end. When I first thought about it, I found it interesting and it was a funny scenario in my head. But the more I think about it, the more it seems... weak somehow. :/ I'm honestly scared that for all the angst I made them go through, the ending won't be able to justify it at all.

I honestly don't know if I'll post at least 5 more chapters, which I've always intended to do, or put the 3 next events in 1 writing and just get the story over with. For people who write, do you experience all these too? Or is it just me? I'm sorry for the delay of the next chapter. I really don't know how I could write and finish it. But I will not leave this story forever. That's a promise that I'm sure I can keep. :)