Here's another review from vronvron at Inner Peace!

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☨Title ( 11/15)
☦Originality/Creativity

The title is a tad bit cliché and it is a pretty common way of making a title.

☦Relevance/Importance

However, I feel that it suits the genre that you are writing in (i.e mystery) so it is relevant.

☦Impact on Readers and the story

Like I said previously, there are many titles which are similar to this and so, it would be more difficult to be able to bring in a large audience.

☨Plot (19/20)
☦Narration

The narrating voice is relatively strong in your story and it really draws in the reader. A good story needs a strong narrating voice for it to be well received after all.

☦Layout (Flow, easy to read and view, neat etc.)

The overall layout of the story makes it easy to read and it stays consistent throughout the whole story. There are only very few inconsistencies, but they can be overlooked as the majority of the layout is well done.

☦Creativity

The story is very much like other hero/heroine journey stories, with the need of self discovery and the assistance of friends to overcome any barriers. However, with that being said, the way you have written it is different and bringing the physical, emotional and inner journeys into the story and characters has really helped the story (so far) to stand out.

☦Relevance to the fanfiction

It is very much relevant to the story and you being able to tie the different elements of the story together to the plot as an author, and being able to keep it consistent is an achievement in itself.

 

☨Characters (15/15)

☦Character Introduction

As for the character introductions, I really enjoyed how you gave hints and kept the mystery of who the next member would be. It was really quite entertaining how you’ve kept all the personalities and introductions all very unique to each character, yet you also kept it tied to the plot.

☦Character Development

The character development is well structured as Haeyeon discovers more and more about herself and the others around her as the story progresses. This progression isn’t overly rapid either and so it keeps the reader entertained and feeling almost as though as the reader, you are also experiencing that discovery along with Haeyeon.

☦Presentation

The presentation of the characters is consistent and it makes it a much easier read as it doesn’t confuse the reader.

☦Diversity

Like I said before, your ability to keep all the characters different from one another, yet all interconnected simultaneously is great. All the characters (so far) come from different places and from different backgrounds (their stories, not ethnicity so much) and this gives the story so much more worth to read.

☨Narrative Elements (18/20)

☦Narration (Point of view [first person, third person, "you"], Character views, etc.)

I don’t normally read second P.O.V stories as it tends to be difficult to follow. However, your story was easy to follow along with as you wrote. It was also a good choice of P.O.V as it allows the reader to almost experience what Haeyeon is experiencing throughout the story as she develops.

☦Delivery (The flow of the whole/consistency throughout story, etc.)

It wasn’t too rapid in development to confuse us as readers nor was it too slow that it will bore us.

☦Setting (Originality, relevance, mood, etc.)

The setting is relevant as the basis of your story is the setting essentially.  For your story, without this setting, it would not work out as well as it did (so far). I think there could be a bit more description about the Exo world though.

☦Structure of sentence

The different types of sentences helped throughout the story to really convey the mood you were after. The sentences were structured well overall.

☦Method of writing

Your method of writing is obviously affected by the P.O.V as well, but it all ties together very nicely. It brings a much more familiar vibe to the whole storytelling aspect of it and is easy to follow.

☦Word formation

As for word formation, I believe that the choice of words is very well suited to the actual story. If the vocabulary had been more sophisticated, it would have suited a more formal way of writing.

☦Grammar & Spelling

Overall grammar and spelling were good. Of course, there were minor typos which could be overlooked.

☨Plot & Theme (18/20)

☦Depth of the theme(s) (multiple themes? Etc.)

I think there are a number of themes in this story; however, I believe that whether or not I picked up on them correctly, you have a pretty strong story to keep the readers entertained.

☦Delivery of the theme(s) [Whether you made the point clear]

I picked up on the themes of trust, friendship/companionship, and self discovery and also believe there are a few more underlying themes as it is a journey which she is on.

☦Clarity and flow of the plot

As I have said, the flow of the plot is very nicely executed and makes it easy for the reader to understand what is happening throughout the story.

☦Originality of the plot (creativity, effective us of plot twist)

The actual plot I believe is not the most original plot out there. However, the way you tell the story and the development of the characters, along with the new discoveries along the way all overpower the somewhat cliché plot.

☨Entertainment (10/10)

☦The reviewer's enjoyment (reader enjoyment)

Overall, even though the story is yet to be completed, I am enjoying it very much. I plan on continuing to read the story as you update! (Hwaiting!)

☦Over feel/excitement/emotion

The way you keep the mystery genre strong throughout the story makes me constantly anticipating for what will happen next! Keep it up!

☨Overall (91/100)