Hello friends,

I wanted to talk about something more personal today as I recently came to remember the time in which I had my first panic attack. I want to talk about anxiety and depression. I know, I know, it might seem like a bit of a cliché subject to talk about now but this is important to me and I'm sure to many other people who are going through the same thing. 

So, I just want to start off by telling you what not to do. Before you panic, please here me out. To anyone suffering from the mental issues I mentioned above or from any other kind of mental health problem, I don't want you to talk to someone about your problems (hold on stick with me here) if you don't feel comfortable doing so. Now, I'm not saying that talking to people about these issues doesn't help, because it does, but I understand exactly how hard it is to do so. 

When I was 13 years old my mom found me crying inside of my room one day. You're probably thinking, "okay? what does that mean?", well, I am the type of person that doesn't like to share my feelings with anyone including (ehem, especially) my parents. I don't like to speak about these things and when I do I let out very vague answers that don't necessarily reveal exactly what I'm feeling. Why? Because I'm afraid, uncomfortable, annoyed, etc. to do so. It actually physically pains me to do it. So, when my mom saw me crying I felt incredibly small and vulnerable. I felt like all the rough skin surrounding my body that had protected me for so many years had shed off and I was left to deal with the real world all by myself. 

My point here again is that you don't have to force yourself to do things you don't want to do in order to make yourself feel better. You will feel better, truly, but it takes time. You can't expect to let out all your feelings to a friend one day and suddenly have all those negative thoughts you were thinking magically disappear. Unfortunately, our minds don't work that way. Basically what I'm saying is, don't jump into things so quickly and expect everything to get better all at once.

However, my second rule here is that I don't want you to completely ignore your feelings. I know how it can be sometimes. You'll think "oh it'll go away" or "well other people go through this too" or "other people have it worse than me". Well, unless you have something like seasonal depression where every so often in the winter you start feeling a little gloomy and then it somehow subsides by the next month, often times, it doesn't go away. Often times, these feelings fester, they get worse. Please please do not do that to yourself, you know you shouldn't be doing that to yourself. Sure, other people go through the same thing everyday and yes, others may have it worse than you, but that doesn't make it hurt any less and that does not mean you should treat the importance of these feelings any less than theirs. Yes, it is important not to get ahead of yourself when you are going through treatment, but please don't pretend you aren't hurting either.

I want to finish this off by saying some things that you may or may not already know, but that do matter: You are worth it. You mean something and, believe it or not, you were put on this earth for a reason. You may not know what that is yet, but you don't really have to know, so don't worry anymore than you probably already are. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior, they're just stupid and probably have their own problems that they need to deal with themselves. I want you to be happy, but we both know that only you can do that. Don't push yourself, make lots of great friends, see the world (okay now I proably sound like your parents, I'm sorry), and have fun doing all of it.

I'm finding my own happiness one step at a time and I hope that you will too.

XOXO