Hey guys (talking to myself here) so I just want to get some things off of my chest first. Before I start this blog/rant thing I don't know how this thing works I just want to say that I don't know if I'll ever post another "blog" again. I don't think I'll have the need to post another blog after what I say in this blog. Confusing . So let's begin.

Firstly, I really do enjoy writing fanfiction for you guys. At first it was just a sudden curiosity in fanfiction because I had recently gotten into it #Markjin and I didn't really expect anyone to actually read my story. Besides fanfiction, I have school and some other small interests that consume my daily life. I really enjoy fanfiction, but I honestly don't know how long that "enjoyment" will last. I mean, everything when you first start is interesting. It's those things that keep you interested that you truly come to love and treasure. And to be honest, I don't have something like that. So I don't even know if I'll continue writing fanfiction after this story, if my commitment and interest dies halfway through this story or whatever. I just really don't know.

You know when you watch someone sing, or you watch someone dance, and they're amzingly good? You watch or listen to them, and them being good at something gives you enjoyment/pleasure. But for me it doesn't. For specifically dancing and singing, I feel envious. Watching them be so good at something and then me sitting here makes me feel like a piece of poo. There's even been points where I've closed the screen on my computer and get up to do something, because I can't stand that feeling of envy it fills me with. Before I did nothing but avoid this feeling of envy, I just assumed that's how everyone thought about something they like. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to be the person that gave up on something they loved in. Someone that gave up thinking, believing that they wouldn't be able to it. So now I'm trying. Harder and harder than before.

So yeah, I have no idea why I'm telling you this, I honestly just needed to write it out on paper computer so I could actually start my journey. This is honestly just a personal thing, but if there is actually anyone reading this. If there's something you really want to do, something you look at and say you can't do it, just try. Because the people that were born geniuses can only reach a certain point. It's the normal people that are determined and hard working that get somewhere. 

So close this tab, close tumblr, and find a reason to be alive, something that makes you want to be good at it. Something that drives you, that's when you'll find the meaning of living. Maybe just for me, but I want to believe.

~Chun