UPVOTE ; THERE ARE NOTHING,JUST SHAME ON ME.
This blog is supposed to be my confession about me,my stupid action,my story,my past that bring shame on me.I can't hold anymore the feeling of guility,sad,dissapointed,shame,all of the negative feelings inside me,and if you don't mind please read till the end even you will find english errors,wrong spellings,typos and such.
Early this year,there are a lot advertisement of upvote shop from wall to wall and I'm the one who interest in it and check on it.I went from shop to shop,feels like it's normal thing to do and think that all author did the same - just to make more people read their stories.Yes,I'm stupid cause I thought that the upvote shop help you to make more people read your story,not to make you story raise up to be feature.I don't know about that at all and still continue the stupid act to almost every story that I have until I feel that I should not do this,'why i think this is wrong?','is this a right way to make people read my story?','why i feel bad?',and 'should i stop this?' - Yes,I stopped it right away and still feel bad,worst,guility and feel something unright.This feelings never go away even I still can see people subscribed,upvote and comments the story - I somehow feel like I or should I say my story don't deserve the attention people gave.There are something wrong but I don't know what it is? Until a day,two to three people message me about the wrong of using upvote shop.At that moment,I feels guility and shame on myself.'WHAT JUST I HAD DONE?' - This thing killing me and you know what,I'M SCARED,totally scared that people will bash,hit me with harsh words and such.I silently promise that I will never ever do it again,I only can wish that the single yellow star will never ever will appeared on my story.
LUCK WAS NEVER ON MY SIDE ; one of my story,'Angel VS Devil' got featured and my feel?Happy?Joy?Excited?Proud? Not all of that,I'm feels like I'm dirty,worst,guility,and totally big shame on me.I'm scared cat - people wil hate me,like totally hate me.'WHAT SHOULD I DO?' They should take away the star,I don't want the star,I can't comment anything cause I JUST SCARED - I NEVER EVER FEEL TO HATE BY OTHERS,ESPECIALLY A BUNCH OF PEOPLE.I stay quite and make myself blind like there are no star in my story.And recently,two of my story got featured which is 'a letter from your dead fan' and 'lu,i miss you...' AND PEOPLE START TO BOMB ME WITH THE WORDS that I feels like I deserved it at the first place cause I'm the one who start the stupid act,even though I don't know about it at the first place,I totally feels worst and shame shame shame shame,SHAME JUST EVERYWHERE ON MY FACE.I want to cry but for what?I need face the reality even the reality is bitter than dark chocolate,the reality that I don't want to face at all when I knew the truth,the reality that I don't want to face at all.I knew that I can't done something that can undone my act,my stupid act - If i can rewind the time,I will never ever want to do it.THIS IS TOTALLY WRONG! But what I can do now?I just can confess to you how worst I am,how my stupid act eat me,how I feel sorry to all of you - the authors who deserved the star and the subscribers who read my worst stories.I feel somehow feel relieve,glad,happy when the stars was taken away from the two stories - i totally glad.
I WANT TO CRY CAUSE I JUST STUPID TO LET MY DESIRE TO MAKE MORE PEOPLE READ MY STORY - THIS IS SUPER STUPID,I JUST SHOULD NOT DO IT AT THE FIRST PLACE.MY STORIES NEVER DESERVED TO BE READ MY ALL OF YOU,I KNEW MY STORIES ARE THE WORST.I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO,I CAN'T DO ANYTHING,RIGHT?ALMOST ALL OF YOU ALREADY HATE ME,A PERSON WHO YOU THINK CHEAT JUST TO MAKE HER STORIES GOT FEATURED.I DON'T WANT THE SINGLE STAR - NEVER THINK THAT I WILL RECEIVED IT.
I JUST HOPELESS ; SHAME ON ME!
I APOLOGISED FROM WHAT I HAD DONE,THE STUPID ACT THAT SHOULD NEVER BE DONE,I APOLOGISED FROM TAKE A SPOTLIGHT FROM THE ONE WHO TOTALLY DESERVE IT,I APOLOGISED FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
I'M SORRY.
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