Dec 12, 2015 (11:52 PM)

11:55

I initially didn’t want to do this anymore. I thought I won’t be able to write you such a long letter anymore because seriously, I have basically written everything I would have wanted to tell you. So what’s the point of this letter? But I don’t know, maybe I just had to. Not for you, but for myself.

I’m writing this six years since the first time I recognized you as Onew. Will I have to say it again? That for more than a week, I was so confused of you and Key that I thought your name was Key and I kept looking at Key’s photos thinking it was the same guy who sang the “bad boy~” part in Ring Ding Dong. Hahaha. I made the story as short as I could because I know you would laugh at me if you hear about it. Was there a lot of fans who confused both you and Key? Six years later, I am certain you don’t look alike at all, so why did I overlook the great difference before? Again, I don’t know.

Am I expecting you to read this? Maybe no, maybe yes, I am leaving it all to my fate.

12:34

I actually went to check my memory compartment. Those letters I have written years before. I did that to see if I changed in any way. Honestly, I don’t think I did. I am still the same girl who wonders why she loves some not-so-ordinary guy, the same girl who would rather keep the not-so-ordinary guy in her heart rather than give way for someone realistic to come in and love her, too. Come to think of it, I have tried a lot of things because of you, and I have stopped doing a lot of things because of you.

Or maybe – you were an instrument – just like how I always claim you to be (I know you’re human and I know you’re going to joke about not being an instrument so yeah). I found you for a reason, although six years later, I still don’t know where this emotions and random dreams would take me.

I took Mass Communication while thinking of you, and even now that I have graduated, I still don’t know if I have taken the right track.

12:57

Paused to watch a performance of Selene 6.23 on Mcountdown. It is such a sad song, isn’t it? You should ask me how genuinely the song feels, I mean… how it feels when you’re really in that situation. I find it so ironic that you’re singing that song, when I actually would dedicate that song for you.

Random thought: why do I end up being sarcastic and cocky whenever I write you letters like this? I’m so sorry.

What’s with you that I am like this? What magic do you have on me? Why can’t I stop looking at you? Why can’t I stop wishing you’ll be mine in the future? What’s up with this 1% hope that we’ll end up together? I am so negative about a lot of things, Jinki, about not getting a good job, not achieving the body I have always longed to have, but when it comes to getting you, why am I so positive about that?

Enough with all the questions in my head, since we have officially stepped into Dec. 13, 2015. Let me do an appreciation note instead. I might have felt weird, frustrated, and crazy for you for so many times, but I won’t be able to deny that you’re one of the few people who can really make me happy. And mind you, you can do it effortlessly. Did you smile? Now that made me happy.

December 13, 2014 (7:24 PM)

I wonder why I can’t finish this letter fast. One day isn’t enough for me to honestly convey all my thoughts about you. I’ve been writing a lot of stuff all this time but in reality, I don’t think I ever really expressed this particular emotions as precise as possible. Anyways, if I will be given the chance to tell you what’s in here, I promise to at least get the “thank you” message across to you.

Happy 26^th (Internationally) Birthday, Lee Jinki. Although I’m nowhere near you, I know you are fulfilling your dreams and achieving your goals one by one. You have officially entered acting by getting a role on the most anticipated Korean dramas of 2016. Knowing the Lee Jinki I’ve seen (although it’s probably not even 10% of who you really are), I know you are going to give your all in this one. I’ve never seen you be so passive about anything you do so I’m very sure you’re also giving your best in here.

As to getting a rest, get it as soon as you can. I love how you’re always concerned about sleeping and eating. I don’t need to worry because I know you can take care of yourself. Contrary to others who still worry about you, boys, I think those days where you are starved and almost exhausted to death are gone. As an 8 year group, I believe you have control over yourselves now, at least. I know you eat well. You love eating, don’t you? So yeah, the point is, I want you to know I’m not worrying on that part.

I don’t know if I’m in the position to say this but there’s one thing I really hope you’d quit, or I’m hoping you have really quitted on it already. It’s not good for your health, really, especially since you went through throat surgery before. If you want to take care of yourself, then better stop that habit. Okay?

Finally, I don’t think it’s okay to really write a very long message when I know you’re not going to read it anyways lol so let me conclude this letter here:

For 6 years, you made my life so colorful. I wonder how my life would be if I wasn’t an Onew stan. But whatever it could be, I don’t regret any single day that I have my heart heading to you. You inspired me in so many ways my mind could never recall well already, but my heart always would. Thank you for smiling, for cheering me up when you’re so unconscious about it. Thank you for sharing your voice to the world, and for giving each of us the melody that brings us happiness. Thank you for making me want to dream more, to target big. Although at this point, I kind of feel disappointed towards myself, I know there will come a time when I’ll start my way up there again. I am not going to tell you to wait for me again. Instead, I want to let you know I’m still up on the fight of going to you. If I meet you there, then you should definitely look at me, because a huge part of who I am today, and a huge part of who I could possibly be in the future, I became like that because of you. For you, though, I couldn’t wish anything more but a healthy life, an ever so boosting career, and a solo album in 2016 ~^^ I mean it because you deserve it, Jinki. You deserve to show the whole world who you are as an artist. Always remember that although I’m far away, my heart is with you, and if you ever come across this letter, just know that this person likes you as much as the sky, to the moon and back. J