Someone from my past asked me, "Which do you prefer, two or three?"

Being the clueless girl I was, I answered three.

Why?

Simple. Just because three is bigger than two.

The bigger, the better. That's how I was when I was young.

But evetually, we'll grow up. That also means that our way of thinking will also change. Well, not the mature kind. I'm kinda older than before but I'm not in a stage where you call yourself a teen. My way of thinking changed, let's say it became...deeper?

I started seeing things differently. Those sayings or quotes which I once found useless, became very clear to me. I understood those people who went under hardships. Not like before, I used to shrug them off carelessly.

That simple question was long forgotten, but something today made me remeber that again. You guys might find that useless. But if you looked at it the way I do, your angle of understang this very short queston will change.

So, let's ask that again, shall we?

Which do you prefer, two or three?

My answer?

Two.

Why?

If you had two or more best friends, which are you?

The loud one?

The troller?

The idiot?

The mommy material?

The stressful type?

I'm the silent one. People think that I'm the loudest between me and my friends, but truthfully, I'm not.

How come?

When I try to talk to them, they don't answer me properly. So I back out because they don't even notice me. But when I stay away, they come and ask me;

"Are you okay?"

"Why are you so silent all of a sudden?"

"What's wrong with you"

"What's happening?"

Oh c'mon. You ask me that when you, yourself is the reason why I'm acting like a damn robot all of a sudden!

They make me feel like I'm the third wheel. 

They leave me out everytime they do something together.

They treat me as a second option.They come to me when their best frinds are not there. They only talk to me when they have no one to talk to. 

Do I have a ing sign on my head that says "second option"?!

, no.

What happened to the old us? Right you said we''ll always be there for each other? That we're not leaving anyone behind?

What are you doing to me then?

Don't make excuses. I'm trying to go to you guys but you push me away. You know what? I don't even know if I'm a best friend. Did I do something that made you guys hate me? Did I break a promise?

Why can't you guys tell me?

I know I'm imperfect. But it feels like you're indirectly reminding me of my flaws.

You guys used to fight and all, and I was the anchor. I tried to pull you all together. But now you're all 'best frinds' and you guys decided to leave me behind.

Are you guys too proud to look behind and think about who brought you all together?

This is why I chose two.

Even if I only have a single friend, at least she'll not leave me alone. She'll not leave me behind because I'm the only one she has. 

Just the two of us.

I know I'm being selfish, but I can't help it. I tried to stay silent and act like I'm not hurt even though I'm breaking inside. 

I kept up with all of your for 5 years, and now I just can't hold it anymore. It really hurts to the point where I cry myself to sleep each time. What have I done to deserve this?

Please tell me now, so I could finally remove this weight on my shoulders. 

Everyone has a limit, and this is mine. 

Remember that.

---

P.S This isn't for u Jianhe eonnie. Its for my friends in the Philippines...

To my friends in aff, dont mind me, i just needed to set myself free, for once. I've been hurting for a long time, actually. But a certain eonnie (Its not jianhe eonnie) wants me to stay happy, cos she doesn't want to see me or my other friend cry. The last time someone ignore her and me for a reason, she felt guilty cos she thought it was cos of her so they both cried...and it hurts to see my eonnies cry...

so yea, leave me be for once...just this time...im sure u all could do that, right? 

btw im embarrassed to tell my real age, cos i think y'all gonna judge me..haha no offense..

see u next time!

- Yujin c: