Im so done with my high school year. Im so done with THIS school that im attending. I hate it. I feel isolated and unimportant and i have this feeling where everybody dislikes me. Im just so done with these fake people around me.

I miss my old school. I miss my friends. My TRUE friends.

//i transfered to another school btw but this story is rather confusing so.....//

My so called 'friends' here, doesn't seem or act like a 'friend' at all. They basically controlled my life. I've taken their s for 3 damn years and now im so ing done with it. And i've realised that hanging out with them does not bring any benefit to me at all.

My my, so dumb i have been ay? Hanging around with people who i thought were my 'true' friends. Im such an idiot

And when i said they controlled my life, i mean literally controlling me like i was a toy car and they're the remote. They forbid me to be friends with who i wanted to be friends with. They forbid be to do things that i like and said that i did it just so people would keep on praising me. Like dude, im not that talented. Im a useless kid who can't handle her own problem. And being the idiot i was, i just obeyed everything they said. And i've realised what i have lost that time. But now, im so done. Im trying to avoid them and i think they noticed that. Because day by day, i distanced myself from them. And being the introvert i was and still am, i just kept mum whenever they talked about stuffs. 

I also know that they hate me because im friends with this one girl that they hate the most. This girl is damn rich and she also feel that as if the took advantage of her bcs of that. And now im friends with her, they said im only after her money. I mean seriously head, i can pay for my own stuff too im not tha desperate. I dont need money all i needis true friends. I often saw their tweets and posts on wechat, giving those indirect quotes and stuff. And they thought i was dumb enough to not know that they were actually talking about me. Like dude, i have been around u guys for 3 damn years so i know you so well. I was hurt by those posts, yes. But i constantly read it over and over again  to torture myself.

Im really an idiot

And u know what i really hate the most? They never talk about good things. All they talked about was other people's flaws. Like how fat that person is, how ugly that person looks like, how rich that person is. I hate it. Seriously i hate it when they started to gossip about such things. I mean, nobody is perfect, right? And tbh, they're not realy that pretty in my eyes (i know im the ine judging now but i cant help it im so mad). They just 'happened' to be pretty because they're among the popular people. Where the whole world likes them even the worms.

As i was saying, whenever they forbid me to do things that i like, i always nod and pretend like it doesnt hurt me. When the truth is, i just wanna be free. Free to live my life. This is my senior year for god sake. And the worst part is, i never ever fought back. I never stand on my own feet. I never defend myself whenever things like this happened

And i hate myself for that. I really do. I hate myself to the point where i feel like im such a dissapointment to everybody especially to my family.

I really hate myself

I never knew things like this could cause big effects on me. I get emotionally tired and emotionally hurt. I tend to keep everything to myself anddi have no one to talk to. And dont wanna trouble my other friends bcause i know they are also busy studying since our big exam is just 33 days away. Seriously guys, total mental breakdown.

And soon im going to graduate. My last year of high school and im graduating with these people. Gosh what did i do to deserve this. This year seriously has not been a great year for me. Im too stressed up. I just cant wait to end everything so i wont have to see their faces ever again. Im not even planning to go back there. This school is hell.

I just cant wait to burn all my textbook infront of the school and sweep those ashes all the way towards the principal's room.

Or if i'm capable of burning the whole school building, i would. But nah im not going to jail at a very young age. And im too nice for that

Sort of.

Gosh guys i really need your wise advice rn.

Anyways, im sorry for ranting too much. I just wanna let all these feelings out since i have no one to talk to.

And im sorry if my english or if there are any typing errors.

Sincerely,

The forever huge disappointment, useless, talentless, kid.