I have been living my life smoothly like really really smooth, you must think it was impossible to live a life without drama or obstacle or anything like that but it was the truth.

I was born in this big loving family and environment. Because it was a small city my friends since kindergarten are pretty much the same until Middle School and we all are really close until now, almost like family too. 

In school I always have good grades not that I always number one,I never be the number one but I always in top 5 in my School.

All of this looks really good, don't you think?

But this is where I went wrong. Since I was little it was my parents who always did things for me so I kind of used to it and come to the point where I expected them to do things for me.

I am not wealth if that what you thinking and my parents never give me exspensive toys to play with. They shower my with love and affection, maybe it was because My older sibling was die before I was born and I kind of weak since little so they will always be there for me.

I was a quiet kid since I was little girl,people around me give me love and kindess and I accept it all. I always accepting.

My mom put me in kindergarten when I was 3 and at that time my aunt was the headmaster. In elementary school my dad was the head of committee of the school and all the teachers loves me, when my friends would play at recess time while I would be at the teacher's room and get my long hair braided by the female teachers. In middle school my uncle was the vice head master and since my parents have a good reputation with them work on a medical field and all and I am being the quiet, smart, never causing trouble type of student I automatically became teachers favorite.

And in highschool my Dad enrolled me in a school in a different city. I accepted since I know he did that because he loves me and I used to accepting since I was little.

This side of me the one who always accepting and expected my parents to do things for me makes me lost my passion and disire about things that I wanted, things I wanted to do. Because I will just stand there waiting my parents to put me somewhere and than do what they expect me to do. I'm not complaining because I can do what they wanted me to do and that makes them happy. I loves make them happy.

And college happened, the first time I make my own decision where I want to go next. I really bad at it.

I mean, I'm used to my parents to do things for me and I always believe that their decisions are the best for me.

More over I don't have passion about what I want to do it was my parents who always told me what to do next. In the end I try to applied in my current Uni now and got accepted at first try and I just went along with it I never try any other Uni.

Now in my college I living a so-so life. You know the kind of it-was-not-bad-and-I'm-not-really-excited-about-it-either, in short there is no passion.

Since I'm never really give my all in my study the result I've failed a class in my previous term and it effected my current term.

It was the first time in my whole life that I failed in study and I was crying for two nights and called my Mom at the third night while crying. My mom as usual accept me with love and kindness. Since little I used to told my parents everything even when I makes mistake which is rarely since I'm very quiet and obedient.

My hobbies are reading anything good and writing. I used to thing it was just hobbies to past time but then after my failing I start to thing what if these are my passion.

I can read and write till I forgot to eat, sleep and time. I like it a lot.

A couple days ago my roommate and bestfriend's mom called me. She asked me about my study and if I have anything that I want to tell my parents but can't.

Apparently his daughter or my bestfriend told her about my condition that I cry and all. She also told her mom that I really good in English and all.

Her mom asked me if I want to change my study course and Uni (her husband is a profesor in a Uni at my hometown), she said it's such a waste with my almost 600 score in TOEFL and for me studying things that I don't have passion for.

I understand what she was trying to do. Her oldest daugther just graduated studying things that she didn't have a passion for and now she's troubled finding a job that fit for her.

She doesn't want the same thing happened to me, therefore she trying to talk to my parents about it.

I know she mean good and trying to help but. Isn't it too late for that?

I'm already in my third year in college to leave and start again is kind of, I don't know what to say.

So what if I choose to stay and than regret it and what if I choose to leave and regret it too?

I know it was my fault because I never really told my parents what I want since a was a little girl and just accepting things they gave me. Since everything always went good to me I never really say anything about what I don't like and I don't want, about what I like and what I want. Resulted in me being used to keep silent about almost anything I feel and want and just accepting all that goodness, kindness and love.

My parents will talk to my friend's mom tomorrow to talk about me.

I really confused now. I don't know what to do. I'm not used to this. Sometimes I think being an adult is really hard.

Currently I'm 19 year-old, studying in a Business School (3^rd year) at one of the well-known University in my country and the other option if I ever want to leave my current Uni is a local University in my hometown studying English literature, 3 years and an half and then I'll got sent aboard.

I just want to share this with you guys and I just want some advices or your thought about it.

Your thoughts about my situation is really appreciate and will help me a lot.

Chiaraa.