Hey guys. 

This isn't an update about my stories or scenarios or Seventeen (though their comeback is totally rockin').

This post is actually pretty personal and I kinda just wanted to talk about it and try to get it off my mind. 

The subject of this post is honestly something that isn't important to most people. You don't have to read this if you don't want to, I'm not telling you that you absolutely have to read it. I'm leaving out the small little details. This is kind of for my own benefit.

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Two years ago, I had a boyfriend. And not a great one at that. But I didn't realize that until later. At the time, I refused to believe it and I guess you can say I was sorta blinded by the whole relationship thing. 

There were times in this relationship where it felt like we were never in a relationship. He would casually ask if he could take a break from me and he would come back and ask if we were still together. Sometimes he would stop talking to me for a really long time (just out of blue) and I never wanted to ask why.

After a full year and six months, we broke up. He said that his mom found out about our relationship and she got mad at him for hiding it from her. I knew that break up was coming. I cried for like a day but that was really it. 

A month later, I found out from my best friend that he broke up with me because he didn't want to be with me anymore, that he was growing sick of me. She actually knew that for a while but she didn't want to tell me because I was recovering. So I don't blame her for anything. But that hit me hard. Not because of his reason, but the fact that he had to lie about it.

I broke down, I got over it, don't know how but I did. Just when I thought things were okay, my ex, out of nowhere, admitted that he cheated on me with an older girl. Then I found out from another friend that she knew that we were dating and still went out with him. I had a feeling that I knew who the girl was but when I consulted with my best friend, she didn't think it was her so I let it go.

Fast forward to the present day. Or a couple days earlier actually. Me and my ex are 'friends' (in like a weird, wicked way). But when we talk to each other, he makes it sound like we're still a couple. And I didn't really like it but I just brushed it off.

Friday night, I went to our school's first home football game of the season. A lot of things happened that night. At the end of game, I was waiting for my ride by the main gate and the marching band was coming back from the game. The band room is literally right next to the gate so I thought I could chill with some of my friends from band. My ex is in band so he was part of that huge mob and I think he actually said hi to me but it was too dark to tell if that was really him so I just said hi back out of politeness.

The morning of the day of the game, he asked if I was going to the game and if I could stay a little bit after. I didn't want to but I did end up in band land. That was totally unintentional. Plus, it wasn't just me and him alone. The entire band was there.

Anyways, I was greeting all the band people, giving them hugs, saying that they did great during the halftime show. My ex's best friend is also one of my closest friends so of course, I had to hug him. But then, my ex came along with him. With this one girl. While he and his friend were talking, I was just standing there listening to their conversation. I looked over at my ex and I saw that he had his arm around the girl's shoulder. I looked away for a second, pretending like I didn't see anything. I looked back at them one more time and I saw her walking around him trying to hold his hand. That was enough for me to leave. I faked a phone call just so I could have an excuse to leave. 

The girl turned out to be the girl I thought he cheated on me with. 

I don't know why it hurt. I just cried until I fell asleep. I had multiple people comfort me but here I am still not over it. 

So, basically what I'm trying to say is, fml. 

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I'm sorry for those who actually read that, I didn't intend for it to be that long. If you guys wonder why I haven't been writing is because of school and this. But I'll try to storm up ideas before I go back to school on Tuesday. 

I'll also delete this post in like a day or two cuz honestly, no one needs to read this, this post was useless and stupid. 

-Aly