Sometimes
Should I drown myself? Slash my neck?
Use carbon monoxide to die easily as many sites suggest?
A shot to the brain so no pain would be felt just an easy death?
Sometimes I wonder if I disappear if my father would be happier
No having to give his last to someone who doesn't want to be here
Free to do whatever makes him happy like I wish for myself
Sometimes I wonder why I have to live up to her expectations
If I fail I already beat my self down enough
But she just has to beat me twice over till I feel
like what my name should have been "Not good enough"
Sometimes I wonder if anyone can see me
screaming through my smile
"I'm not happy!""I'm not joking!"
But all they say is "Have you always been this pleasant?"
Then I smile. The same smile that screams in opposition to their comments.
Sometimes I'm happy when some people realise im not quite sane because there's hope that
others facing inner torment and turmoil like me would be saved
Most times I have suicidal thoughts but then I feel ungreatful for even thinking about it because of the time money and years people have wasted on something like me.
Sometimes
No
90% of the time
I'm not okay. I'm not happy. I. Am. Not. Happy.
Sometimes I just need to get my thoughts out or cry it out before I actually act 'it' out
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