Wish It Was Not Just A Fantasy -- Ahn Sojin Tribute

*This is just a reflection...or rambling straight from my mind.  

This is actually a long-overdue post, mainly because I really have no idea what to say or how to react when I first learned about Ahn Sojin's passing...especially when she has been one of the main supporting characters for my first fanfic here at AFF.  Her passing just added a peculiar layer of complication in how I was feeling even though I finished the fanfic long before then.  I'm still feeling odd and complicated everytime I try to re-read what I wrote and fix some typos -- it's just not easy...especially when I had planned to eventually write some epilogues ever since I was at about mid-way through finishing the story.

Who was Ahn Sojin?  She was one of the DSP Media's talented trainees who had participated in the MBC produced girl-group-member-debut survival reality TV show, Kara Project, in 2014.  She was the oldest Baby Kara member.  She always had a sweet smile that complimented her gentle nature.  She seemed like a gentle big sister type amongst the other Baby Kara members, but her gentleness had never overshadowed her passion to perform on the stage.  She was actually my favourite in the show.

  

Gif "borrowed" from this blog post.  Please do click on the link and read it when you have time.  "To enjoy life" is her motto, ironically.

When I first brainstorm the outline for this particular fanfic (sorry, just feel weird putting the title & link here), I was actually debating whether I should cast Heo Youngji or Ahn Sojin in it (long before SBS announced the casting of season 2 for Roommate).  I'm definitely not a psychic, but because Roommate & Kara Project were broadcasting around the same time, I just thought there would be a high chance that the new member of Kara will be part of the casting of Roommate (if the variety show wanted to just add a new member to replace Park Bom) in order to promote their group and allow the wider audience to accept the new Kara member more easily.  

In the end, I went with Ahn Sojin because I thought her awkward situation as a relatively well-known trainee (but yet to debut) would fit my story better.  Also, I like her the best from Kara Project.  So, when Roommate officially announced Youngji as part of the season 2 casting, I totally sighed a huge breath of relief because what if I had chosen Heo Youngji for my story instead?  I would have probably find myself in a very awkward position writing her character in my fantasized version of Roommate while watching her real personality on screen as season 2 broadcasted.  Also, my story would have taken a totally different direction.

Anyways, as I re-read the story, I just couldn't help but think that if the my story was real, then Ahn Sojin's life would have been very different.  She would still be alive, smiling, and bringing joy on the television screen...making her dream come true and living her dream everyday.  She's just insanely talented with an awesome, motivating personality and I just can't help but wish that my story is real.  Even when she didn't get to debut with Kara and even when I learned that just a month before her passing that she had parted ways with DSP Media, I thought that she would definitely shine if she had held on a little longer.   

Well, here's another secret:  her character in my story is actually the most layered & complicated in terms of emotional plane & mentality.  Her character has the most character development in my story.  Her character is actually my favourite in the story.  I actually had to hold myself back several times on writing about her character because I didn't want the main characters of the story be outshone.  In one of my planned one-shot epilogues for the story, she is to be the main character...but honestly, I still feel weird writing about her.  It seems weird because she's no longer here.  Yet, a part of me still want to write that epilogue because I want her to have a more fulfilling happy ending, even though it's just a fantasy.  Who knows?  Maybe a fantasy is really just one of the many parallel worlds -- real worlds, and I would like to think that she's happy & well and living her dream.

The only time I wish my story is not just a fantasy.

I'm sorry for the delay with this tribute post.  Rest in peace, Ahn Sojin.

Comments

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Once_Upon_a_Kaisoo
#1
May she rest in peace. I actually cried reading your pot D:
mischievous_akmood
#2
I never really listened to Kara or watched Kara Project... but I hope that she'll rest in peace...
suzyelf
#3
Aww. I feel sad even though I don't really know her. I only know the Sojin in your story. So i will have a happy Sojin in my memories, but hey fictions aren't very far from realities. She probably had happier time. I don't know what to say anymore... rest in peace Ahn Sojin.