so i logged onto aff today after a long time and saw there was a story comment notification for Forevermore and, on a whim, ended up reading the later half of the fic... /laughs dryly/ anndddd i nearly ended up crying into my fists? i mean i do that a lot, reading back on my fics, because i don't have a beta-reader and my grammar can always use touch-ups, but it's been a really long time since i've read Forevermore so the emotions of the story and the memories of writing it came rushing at me in overwhelming waves and i felt such a raw pain in my chest;; how embarrassing omg;;

but i think it's good that i read back on it because i fell in love with baekhyun's character all over again and it's reminded me of the kind of aura i need to establish in his character for the epilogue (Painting Spring). honestly, i don't know where the inspiration to write him like that came from but i'm glad i went through with it because he's one of the most colorful characters i've written. and to think i can't write about more satisfactory characters, two years of maturing later /sighs/... but to be brutally honest, the time i wrote Forevermore was probably a prime in my writer life that i'll never quite reach again in my opinion. sure the grammar isn't perfect and the writing is choppy in places, but the soul is in there somewhere and i've lost that along the way. i don't really know what it means to write something with all my heart anymore - why, i can't figure out but when i try to write these days, i tend to think more than i feel.

anyway, that was my reflection of the day.

sorry i don't stop by very often - life is being a burden that i can't shake off and i can't stay here very long these days.

i'm still writing though, so don't give up on me just yet if you're a reader

until next time,

serendipity-- (heidi)