You can leave this post if you want to, but if you are interested, I recommend to keep reading. 

Have you thought deeply about life and every single thing in life, such as humanity, reality, independence, religion, the future of the universe, my own future, etc (will be very long if I have to mention one by one)? I always think about it. My mind can't help but to question every aspects of life. Sometimes, it strains me.

Thinking about future, I'm frightened if I only come to this universe and end up rotting, end up becoming nothing, end up regretting what I should've done. I feel compelled that I have to create and leave legacy and influence in this world. I feel that I carry an obligation to help people in suffer. There are some people only want to have fun in life, take it easy. I do want to be happy, I want to be successful by doing what I enjoy, but at the same time, I have to lend my hands for people directly or indirectly.

Sometimes, I like to think about people, especially people who talk too loud and too much, and compare how much 'bigger' their words are than their actions. I wonder what kind of future they will embrace if they exist, not exactly living, this life with shallowness. I know people might not be shallow as they seem, but humans are judgmental creatures, you see. I have discussed this before with my English teacher, which he replied by calling me 'scary' because I'm still a teenager but I can what most of teenagers don't. He said that I am like a ghost (he believes that ghost doesn't exist). In conclusion, he said that I'm someone who is almost impossible to have its presence in life. I confessed that I am influenced by his deep understanding of life, which he funnily replied, "I don't want to be responsible for the monster I have crafted.". 

Then, I wonder what kind of future that the universe will have as technology will always develop, complicating our lives by making things seem simpler. I witness, kids these days, obsessed with the invisible web of what we called 'Internet', and technology. In the past, we played physiclly. Now, kids play with their gadgets, limiting their access to offline social life. They are crazed by social media, which effects human's psychology differently. Compared to the past, when globalization hasn't advanced, we respected our own origins more. We were also ashamed by the acts of morality ambiguity. But in the present? Acts of shameful, violated morality is supported, especially by shallow people.

I have to admit it, I always feel different from other, that I am outside of the box. I'm never everyone's standards. But who cares? I'm different and proud.