Dear Yook Sungjae 육성재

May 2nd, 2020

This is your boyfriend Peniel (Shin Donggeun). It's been two years since your death.

I know that if you were still alive or a ghost that you'd ask how the other members are and when I'd say that they were doing badly and that Ilhoon couldn't stop crying until forty weeks after your death, that you'd say that you know they are doing badly and that you feel guilty about everything. But then I'd probably say that it was my fault and you'd get angry at me for saying that.

The company is nagging us about getting a new member that would take your place but we all know that no one could ever replace you.

I know that you'd slightly smile a sad smile and say "Jagiya, you should know that someday someone will take my place. Because I can't be there to claim it.".

I know that and I'd tell you that BTOB doesn't want someone to take your place. You deserved it the most. Remember the times when you'd practice until you were sweating so much that it looked like you were crying?. You loved being BTOB along with the rest of us. 

The members are still worried about me. It's nothing bad though. 

Ilhoon is having a hard time trying to be the maknae. At least now we know how hard it was for you.

The comeback is going good but slow. We all wrote a song in honor of you.

Sometimes I dream that you're still here but when I wake up without you in bed, I know that it's just a dream.

And sometimes I wish that I could turn back the time and prevent the accident but I know that I can't.

We love you, Sungjae!

I hope that wherever you are I'll be there too.

My heart breaks knowing that I'll never be able to see your smile, hear your laugh, cuddle you and the things we used to do.

Love from Peniel 프니엘, 신동근