Scared To Say His Name
A FarewellI don't really know where to start. Me and my sister sort of refused to talk about it for a while, and for a moment, I was mad at the fact that she didn't want to tell me how she felt about his death. When I'm sad, I am in a state of shock then numbness, then I find myself crying for a long time until I manage to somehow run out of tears to spill and I realized when he died, I was worse than I usually am when I get that way. I'm scared to say his name sometimes, because I feel like I'll desensitize myself to this situation. Now that me and my sister have gotten comfortable enough to watch Shinee mv's and his solo mv's, I feel like I can talk about him. I was scared to come to terms with it, but now... I feel like it's a better time than before to say it:
Jonghyun, Kim Jonghyun has died and I feel like a piece of me died with him.
I apologize if that seemed insensitive, but I don't know how else to say it in my mind. I say good morning to him almost every day as if he were watching me from here. I hope he is. I miss him so much. I hope Shinee and his other close friends and family can get through this strongly, I hope Shawols find strength to go on with the rest of Shinee.
I'm sorry Jonghyun,
I didn't know you personally, but I am sorry this happened to you. I'll overcome my clinical depression for you, for me, for my family and friends. We'll find the happiness that you couldn't find and we'll share it with each other.
I hope the moon is as beautiful as you'd have dreamed it to be.
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