Forever Yours, Forever Ours
A FarewellGood bye jonghyun, thank you for everything.(1990-2017.)
I refuse to last remember him in this situation so, i made some clips of my favorite moments of him. Also the next was written on the 18th. (Yesterday) while making this clips, with a smile the had my tears hidden until i couldn't anymore.. is this how you felt jjong?..
Today this post comes long from a sad fans heart, mine. I will speak heart to heart guys, with all the honesty this guy deserves in his resting.
I was a really sad soul in my transition from junior high to highschool, my music taste solely relied in rock and metal music in those days.. I thought they would help me get through that confusing and weird thoughts after being bullied, carry away my insecurities and help me express myself which it actually did; But as i got deep into this style I started hating on romantic music and pop songs.
So when i first listened to shinee (by accident) in that same summer of 2009, I really despised. I remember pretty well that day , i was in my living room writing fanfiction about tokio hotel, when shinee's cover from cinema bizarre's "forever or never" started. I was so shocked, like I could recognize the rhythm immediately but it wasn't a normal song, so i quickly changed to YouTube and I remember saying " what the ?, what the hell is this ?" I completely despised it, didn't even looked up a the band's name and just changed of video.
Little did i imagine, this group was going to be later one of my guilty pleasures to become one of my favorites in my heart. How did i end up liking them? Well, thank you so much boys before flowers drama!; A dear friend of mine recommended me this majestic program in the middle of October (same year), while watching it, i kinda got a liking for this song "stand by me", so of course to download i had to search it up. Imagine my surprise when i saw it was the same freaking band i despised once, I remember thinking "huh that's why I found those voices a little bit familiar", I was so curious afterwards, that i heard replay next and that little part of my barely romantic heart got swollen. After some months getting to know the band i chose minho as my bias, but loved jonghyun's voice.. he singed like an angel and onew and taemin and key too! And of course those humble, cheeky, competitive personalities, their bond that caused me a good not malintentioned envy.
I became a fan soon! I couldn't understand much, so translators Thank you :'), years passed by and hits too, ringdingdong, juliette love like oxygen, everybody to view and 1of1 and so many others. But i loved also their not so recognized like lipstick or quasimodo.when jjong did the cover from the Spanish song "Ella " god he made me to cry so hard and have goosebumps.
Shinee is such a great band...
Today in 2017, just months away for their 10th year anniversary on their debut.. he's found dead.
Waking up this morning was one of the worse nightmares my heart has experienced. My lovely international army friends were discussing in our group about something my sleepy mind couldn't quite read well until I finally woke up for good to one of those messages say "I feel so sorry and poor liv". I felt my soul so heavy, I re-read everything they told, the message my friend JS sent me privately, i was so flabbergasted.. I quickly went into Google and indeed first news "kpop world is mourning shinee's lead singer jonghyun dead at 27 from suicide"
I felt like fainting, i thought everything was a lie or a bad joke, i was like reviving Chester Benington's death...i couldn't remember how to breath, and when i read his last message to his sister i couldn't handle it anymore, moreover when reading SM official statement.
I tried to remember a sign in a desperate attempt to understand, why.. why did he do that? Was his life that ing sad? Just why..?.
I wanted to remember a reason why. Suddenly, shinee's song "tell me what to do" was like an eco in my head taunting me, I tried to come back to earth and my only thought was "there's nothing you couldn't have done livi that's the sad reality"
There are a million theories, from the conservative group that actually sent bad messages to the ones about him feeling lonely. And by now I'm becoming more tired on reading them.
But there's a good message behind all this bad bad experience, or so I'm trying to tell.
Treat your idols like the HUMANS they ARE!!. They aren't money machines, they aren't automatically real boyfriends/husbands. They mustn't be all dashing handsomes or pretties. They must not be all skinnies..
On the contrary they must be happy, they must be able to experience love in any kind of form with whoever they want.. girl or boy. They should be able to express themselves and make some mistakes (within the conventional range of course), if they aren't that physical tempting but have talent then that's all what should matter, if they have the will to still reach their dreams that's all what matters, please remember that. Please dont think bad of what i'm saying in this message.. I'm not blaming anybody, afterall that was his decision and every head is a whole world but I'd like to ask to the fans, please as real fans of your favorite groups always show them your support and don't give them up so easily. Remind them of their true value, the same goes to the agencies.. I as business graduate know how this work, it's true that signing a contract means their time and public image, but doesn't mean selling a complete soul. Please be cautious with the real things you own from the artists.
That message doesn't go just to a fan-idol, agency -idol, but to friends, to coworkers , to everybody applies in real life too..
His solo albums were lovely and some of his songs, I could feel his pain. from the last IGLive i oddly felt he was a little bit off, something behind that smile wasn't completely satisfactory, so i remember trying to reach him in a PM that maybe he didn't even read or if he did wasn't able to understand (hence he often said his English" wasn't good") and I don't regret telling him that he was and IS one of the greatest singer i have ever heard, that should rest well and fighting.
Such a great interpreter and such a good person that never in his life should have apologized to have loved his special someone at that time. After hello baby, now a days he should have been able to form a beautiful family and keep showing his talent arm to arm with shinee and alone too, he should have kept us demonstrating his sensibility through his books.
But his soul was so tired after searching for his own value that he always carried, he was so deep in his own head, his own world that he wasn't able to see.
There's this conversation with his friend that screamed "help, I'm tired".. I'm tired. But also so brave, those type of decisions requires many thinking, much determination and at some point courage. I can't and won't judge over the true facts on why he did it. But if his reason truly were over his thoughts of "lack of talent" I will just say, you did well jong-ah, you are indeed talented. One of the brightest out there..
Please, let's respect his family that even if little, it's full of love. Respect s, respect his friends and respect the kpop in general.let's not attack each other and other artist with hate anymore! Let's learn from what our angel baby dino tried to tell us, adding that we should make mental health awareness in Korea, let's try to help this cause that clearly screams for help!
Today a son, a little brother, an older brother to the members, a friend, a daddy (for yoogun from hello baby's program and roo-his puppy, thank you roo for bringing him a little of joy :')), a great composer, an inspiration, an idol, a star, a human was lost. I can't help but to think about those persons who suffered over this and about my lovely group.
We may let you go physically but in our hearts we always cherish you and you are now a piece of us, in our soul.
Today it's 19th already in Korea (20th if i updated real time of this post), now it's time to mourn for the Shawols.. But we must stay strong as there 4 heavy souls that needs us right now, we must take care of them as jonghyun would, we have a very hard but lovely task to fill out, let's do our best in these hard times. #StaySteongShawol unfortunately I've found the unrespectful videos of media's about Jjongs coffin, we need to protect them, jinki is such a great leader he's like a stone, his face is covered and numb may be his feelings too but he needs to let out, kibum is broken and minho tries to smile through tears from time to time, he's trying to be strong for the sake of everybody always thinking about others first but we know better.. And taemin, oh god our little maknae.. let's be all a big umbrella in this rain, That freed jonghyunne from his pain.
But my Last words for you are.. Thank you for everything you have taught me, I love you bling bling tiger, you can let go of that pain, get that shining bright light you deserve, be free without regrets, smile sincerely and may your soul rest in a happy land now. Nobody will ever fill your place, forever yours, forever ours. Rest in peace Kim Jong Hyun, you did EXTREMELY well and forever they will 5HINee.
#StayStrongShinee
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