When they shot the wheels of her car and waited while she lost control and crashed into one of the many trees, Jihyo often wondered why they didn't kill her then. A broken arm, shattered left leg and multiple gashes and cuts from the smashed glass of the windshield, she would have been an easy picking for even the most inexperienced member. And then, alone in the dank, freezing room, questions often race unbridled in Jihyo's mind. Most of them were dark, her inner demons finally escaping through her lack of distractions. Surrounded by all the sharp torture equipment, metal spikes and blades glinting dully from the singular window high in the corner, rust and dried blood (her blood) making the entire chamber reek of old metal and decomposing blood, Jihyo truly wonders why she still stays.

Why not kill these evil people and escape?

Why subject yourself to such torture when it is so simple to break free?

Why not just end it all, there are so many options after all.

Why? Why? Why?

But a small part of her rationality that hasn't disappeared in the haze of the pain would always be quick to remind her that they won't kill her, just because they can't. She can't run away either, there is nowhere else for her to go, besides she can never truly run away from the only life she knows. Because underneath the Myoui's guise of philanthropist and largest shipping company in the world, they are actually the yakuza, Japanese gangsters, remaining out of the radar just because of their huge wealth and influence over what is safe to assume the entire country. And Jihyo, an orphan from one of their massacres of a rival clan, is their best weapon. And when she finally manages to quieten the growling black formless shapes that bombarded her with questions in their scratchy voices, she remembers.

She remembers almost nothing from her childhood, only butterflies and cool breezes and a man and woman whose features are blurred so heavily she can barely make out anything calling 'Jisoo!' lovingly, weaving their way into her dreams before they are overtaken by blood, gore and the screams of mercy from her clan's enemies. It is a memory that she doesn’t even know she remembers, it sits tucked away on a high shelf in her mind and is only ever pulled out to shape the fabric of her rare dreams. Time as Jihyo has worn away its edges – the details are all muddled, topsy turvy, like looking through the wrong end of a pair of binoculars.  But, it is undeniably there. Her memories only start from when her adoptive father, the head of the operations then, brought her with him back to the Myouis and declared to the boss that he would raise her as his own. Because when her parents were slain in front of her, Jihyo did not cry, she merely looked on with wide, innocent eyes as her parents' last cries for mercy, for Jisoo, morphed into gurgles, as they drowned in their own blood. And when her adoptive father had raised his blood-soaked katana to run her through, she had only gaze back unflinchingly, a five year old girl fully prepared to face death head on. She still remembers the way the man looked at her with eyes that would soon be her own, he would later tell her that those were the eyes of one who killed, before he kneeled down and spoke to her.

"What is your name, kid?"

"Jisoo."

"Well, I just killed her. Can I call you Jihyo instead?"

She remembers nodding as the man wipes the blood off his blade on the still warm corpses of her parents and sheathes it, before holding out his hand for her to take.

"Why are your hands so rough, mister?"

She remembers asking as he leads her out of the room, she remembers feeling the callouses and scars on a palm that doesn't feel anything like her parents, she remembers smelling blood and smoke as he replies.

"Because of what I am."

"What are you, mister?"

"A weapon."

Fast foward ten years and Jihyo was already set for becoming the next head of the operations, just like her adoptive father. That is when her memories begin blurring together, a repetitive routine of wake up, train, eat, train some more and then sleep before the cycle repeats itself the next morning. She just lived her life, awaiting the next day when her monotonous regime would begin again. But she remembers all too clearly, (a memory that she would rather forget) that she killed her first man at the tender age of ten. He had been a petty thug and the cries he made when she ran him through with her blade made Jihyo shout in exhilaration, made Jisoo mourn for another life lost in this war of domination. Her memories only begin to sharpen into focus the day she met Mina.

She had only heard stories of the dainty princess, most of the rumours comparing her to a black swan, graceful yet deadly. Jihyo remembers cooly regarding what her fellows said with a nod before resuming her sword practice with the straw dummy.

"Well, she should be graceful and deadly. I wouldn't want someone incapable becoming our future head."

Little did she know that it would be that same night where she would meet the fabled swan of the Myoui clan. Jihyo never did sleep much. How could she, when all that filled her times unconscious were scream of the dying and faces of the dead. Jisoo remembers every face she kills, every live she had taken in the name of the Myoui. And they haunted her, even in her waking moments. So Jihyo took to practising, doing anything she could till her mind could think of nothing but rest, till she could slip into dreamland in a single instant despite how hard her muscles were screaming from the ache. And it was on one of these midnight training sessions did she finally come face to face with Myoui Mina.

"So you are Genosuke's adoptive daughter."

Her arrow falters in its flight, landing just a hair's breath away from the centre of the target. And when she turns, she sees a porcelain doll staring back at her, clad in a black silk yukata. Jihyo immediately bows, because even though they have never met, the indescribable feeling that instantly oppresses her is one she could only assume comes with a person who bears the Myoui name.

"My lady,"

Jihyo remembers greeting the doll and holds her breath as her footsteps on the smooth wooden floors of the dojo come closer and closer. Until her bare feet appear just at the top of Jihyo's peripheral vision.

"Why are you not asleep? It is late and I assume you have school tomorrow as well?"

"I do not attend school, my lady. I merely live to serve this clan in the future."

She hears rather than sees the disapproval on Mina's face.

"You do not live for yourself then?"

And Jihyo remains silent as she contemplates the question, turning it carefully over and over time her mind. She must have kept silent for a long time because Mina spoke again.

"I would live for myself, Jihyo. Put down your bow and let's talk."

Jihyo complies, firstly because she could not refuse such an order and secondly, because Jisoo was curious. Mina begins to talk, once they sat side by side on the cool floor of the dojo, back against the far wall. She tells Jihyo of her double life, as the future head of the Myoui and as just another nameless student. She tells her about her friends, a foreign concept.

"Of course it would be foreign to you. None of the other men are your age and you are the only girl. Would you want me to be your first friend?"

Jihyo remembers nodding and Jisoo smiles brightly.

They meet each other every other night, when the household was deep asleep. Because that was the only time when Mina was only Mina and Jihyo was Jisoo. Slowly, Mina peeled back the layers that Jisoo had been hiding under and Jihyo began to understand the girl who had the weight of the world upon her unwilling shoulders, who had perfected the porcelain mask that she now wore so well. Slowly, Jihyo began to look foward to her days. Finally, she started living for herself.

Jihyo had never met Chaeyoung, because Mina had wanted to keep her personal life and her clan separate and Jihyo couldn't help but agree with her. No one deserved this kind of life. For all her beauty, poise and regal behaviour, Mina was but a caged bird. But she knew that Chaeyoung made Mina happy and really, that was all she wanted for her. And one day, when Mina was recounting her day with Chaeyoung ("We went to the beach,", she sighs with a smile), Jihyo commits the small smile at the corner of , the shining coal black eyes and the pure joy she can hear in her voice to memory. Because on that same day, Jihyo swears to Mina that she would do anything for her to keep that smile on her face.

She remembers waiting outside Mina's father's study when she was summoned by the man that she both feared and respected. They had both grown, and now at the age of 20, Mina was on her way to helming the Myoui clan and Jihyo had already been poised to accept her adoptive father's position. Then suddenly, a loud slap could be heard though the doors and Jihyo shifts in her spot, wondering if the maids standing near the door as well could have heard it. From the way they turned their heads respectfully away, Jihyo was sure the entire household heard it. But she was sure they couldn't hear anything else.

"I didn’t raise a daughter to be a disgrace to this family. I expect you to put an end to this shameful act right away. Do you understand?”

What happened to the girl that wanted to live for herself? Jihyo could only hear the voice of a broken girl when Mina replied.

 “Y-yes father.”

When they sent the boy she was engaged to over to Korea, Jihyo accompanied Mina on every date with him.

"He's still the same clueless boy back then. It's almost pitiful, really."

Mina had sighed as she sat on the park bench with Jihyo standing by her side. They both looked at the young man in the distance, buying an ice cream cone for the both of them. This was just Mina, not the future head.

"He bought you vanilla."

Jihyo laughs under her breath as Mina merely rolls her eyes.

"Chaeyoung would always get me strawberry."

And her laughter freezes in as she glances at Mina, her porcelain mask already snapped back into place.

Jihyo remembers how Mina had exited her father's room with her head low, hair obscuring her face and wordlessly began heading back to her room. Jihyo followed soundlessly behind her, glaring at any of the servants to even dared look their way.

"I'll have to break her heart."

This Mina sounds almost pitiful and Jihyo could do nothing but watch as she self-destructed in front of her. But she said nothing as tears began slipping down Mina's face because what could she say? They were both caged birds after all. It was only when Mina had stopped crying and was curled up in her arms did Jihyo finally open .

"Mina, you'll have to break your heart first."

She remembers how Toshiro, ever still the boy betrothed to Mina when they were nine, had cried out for her to give him a chance. It was depressing, really, because for all his short-comings, Toshiro was nothing but genuine in his feelings towards her. He said he would do anything for Mina for just a slim chance of her loving him back but he could never give her what the both of them desperately wanted. Their freedom was merely a wish, a dream.

“Break the engagement.”

“You know I can’t do that!” He waved his arms exasperatedly.

Jihyo remembers how cold Mina's voice had been when she answered.

“Then don’t ask me something I couldn’t do.”

Jihyo was waiting in the car when Mina wrenched open the door and stumbled in. Her tears were streaming down her face and she could barely speak. One glance up towards the apartment window revealed a face staring back and Jihyo took it as her cue to drive away. When Mina opened her eyes and uncurled herself, she realised that Jihyo had not taken them home, she had instead taken them to the beach.

"Why are we here?"

"I don't think you would want to go home like this."

Jihyo had cooly replied before getting out and opening her door.

"C'mon Mina, we're going for a walk."

They walked down the deserted beach, with the salty wind and sand flying into their eyes and mouth. But they didn't care.

"I broke her heart."

"And I broke my promise."

Mina's eyes were rimmed- red as she stared straight into Jihyo's own.

"Don't blame yourself for this. My happiness was always a fleeting thing. Our relationship had been far from perfect and Chaeyoung wasn't stupid, she knew I was lying to her all along."

Mina swallowed as she gazed into the horizon, where the lights of the night trawlers formed tiny specks of white on the backdrop of inky blackness.

"We can't live for ourselves anymore but we can still live, Jihyo."

"Love is a scary thing, huh?"

Jihyo murmurs on their ride home and Mina is silent for a while before she answers.

"It's not scary, it's more of a risk."

"I don't think I'm ever going to fall in love then."

From her spot on the cold floor, Jihyo laughs to herself. How naive she had been back then, now her heart had been shackled by a girl who didn't even know she existed.

Jihyo remembers when the Myoui clan were having another huge dinner, she sat behind Mina as she spoke softly about her plans regarding her wedding with Toshiro with her mother. Mina's younger brother arrived later and when the topic of conversation turned to Myoui Ryuji, all Jihyo could think about was the girl sitting next to him. And when Ryuji introduces her as Zhou Tzuyu, the daughter of some Taiwanese drug lord, his wife-to-be, Jihyo feels her stomach begin folding in on itself and she doesn't know why.

"You like Tzuyu."

The dinner was over and they were sitting in in the dojo again in the wee hours of the morning when Mina broke the silence.

"I don't."

Denial had been easy, just a lie that slipped off her tongue without a second thought. But Mina was good at lying too and her calm expression betrayed nothing when she scoffed.

"You look at her like how we used to look at each other."

And Jihyo chooses to remain silent because she had nothing else to say.

She remembers meeting Chaeyoung under the tree at the church. Mina had ordered everyone out of her room and Jihyo was left with nothing to do but watch the guests that began appearing. She recognised them all except for one, a short girl with bright red hair. And when she came up to talk to her, Jihyo was understandably surprised. It wasn't long till she realises who she is and suddenly, Jihyo understands why Mina had fallen so hard for Chaeyoung.

"It's an addictive risk, isn't it."

She thinks to herself as she glances at Chaeyoung out of the corner of her eyes. She spots Tzuyu then, as soon as she turns away. How could she not? The girl was the very personification of elegant beauty and even if she didn't know who she was, Tzuyu had already stolen her heart. And Jihyo is reminded of her promise, one that she made when they were both young and smiling, two naive sixteen year olds. So she quickly leaves and returns to Chaeyoung after everyone has went in.

She remembers how Mina and Chaeyoung had looked at each other when they were finally alone. And when the smile that Jihyo swore that she would do everything in her power to protect appears on Mina's face again, she makes her decision.

"You're running away."

She remembers the elation when the smile returns ten times as bright and then the sinking feeling in her stomach when she announces that they were being followed. She remembers the relief when Mina leaves with Chaeyoung and the sudden grief that overtakes her heart when she hears the dogs. She remembers the fraction of a second when she felt terror before her car slams into the tree. As her vision begins to fade in and out of blackness, she remembers her promise.

"Mina, I swear that you will always have that smile on your face."

And  when they find her unconscious in a pool of her own blood, Jihyo was smiling.