vulnerability

⚜ There Were Stars

{chapter two}

 

Everyone is chatting to each other. It was a Saturday and a party after all. Some are catching up and some are laughing. I should be enjoying the party too, but instead, I am sitting on the floor by the couch and watching Baekhyun playfully twirling his beautiful girlfriend in the kitchen. Her hair is also dyed a platinum blonde, except she had pastel rose colored streaks that made her look like a yummy strawberry parfait. And she was wearing the white strapless dress with the colorful flowers that I helped Baekhyun pick out for her. 

                She stumbles slightly and laughs embarrassedly as Baekhyun catches her and pulls her into an embrace. The two of them are alone in the kitchen and so he gives her a light peck on her lips. She pauses and they stare into each other's eyes for moment. Then she leans forwards to give him another quick kiss. It's a private moment between them and no one saw, except me. I shouldn't have watched, but I couldn't help it. I continue to stare into the kitchen even as Baekhyun and she leaves to join other friends to talk.

                "Soojin." A soft nudge in my side makes me jump slightly and I quickly turn to see Miyoung give me a questioning look. There's a soft concern in her eyes as she tilted her head slightly and asked silently, Are you okay? I glance back into the empty kitchen and then back to her before grinning back sheepishly, "Yeah. I'm fine. What's up?" She pauses for a moment as if to search my face for a lie, but I really am okay. I was just entranced by Baekhyun and his girlfriend. Miyoung doesn't believe me, but she lets me off the hook like always as she shrugs, "So, have you met her yet?" I nod quickly and laugh lightly to try and wash away her doubts.

               "Yup. I met her when I came in earlier and Baekhyun introduced us. Her name's Heeyun." I didn't need to say more, but I felt like the conversation would end awkwardly and give Miyoung more doubt. So I swiftly added on, "Did you know that she's actually older than us? I felt so stupid when I asked her if she was okay with all these people drinking—Baekhyun had never told me that she was 26—but yeah, she's really friendly." I turn my full attention to Miyoung and she smiles back at me without saying anything. Yet I can still see the worry on her face and I sigh out loud, because I don't know how else to get her to believe me.

                "You still don't believe me." I chuckle softly and roll my eyes.

                "You were watching them." She points out gently and shrugs.

                "Yeah." I turn back to look into the kitchen and shrug my shoulders as well, "They're so happy. Watching them makes me really happy." Miyoung shakes her head in disbelief with a small smile, "You're a creep." She still doesn't believe a single word I say although it's nothing but the truth. Thankfully though, she drops the topic as she tugs my attention back to everyone else. I half listened to their conversation while wondering why it was so hard for both Miyoung and Sehun to believe that I wasn't in love with Baekhyun. Sadly, it wasn't just them pestering me about this. Some of the other guys have been bugging me about it as well, like Kai, Chanyeol, Luhan and Chen—especially Chen.

                God, every time I was around Chen—he would just never leave me alone. Every little thing I did or said to Baekhyun would get me some sort of snarky remark from Chen. At first, I got really embarrassed, because I was scared that Baekhyun would stop hanging out with me. So I confronted Chen about it, but my confrontation only seemed to have inspired Chen to make more remarks about my nonexistent feelings. And it wasn't long before Baekhyun pulled me aside and said that we needed to talk.

                I remembered how I almost cried before I met up with him. I was so scared that Baekhyun was going to end our friendship, but he surprised me when he simply showed up and apologized for Chen's behavior. After that, Chen didn't make any more snide comments about me and he also apologized—although it was half-hearted, but I still accepted his apology. He stills teases me about Baekhyun from time to time, but they're never mean jokes and always only when Baekhyun's not around. To be honest, I didn't see anything wrong with me being happy for Baekhyun. It almost felt like everyone just wanted to start unnecessary drama by trying to say that I had feelings for Baekhyun when I didn't. Why couldn't they just understand? This isn't a love story.

                I was just simply very good friends with Baekhyun and happy for him. Although after I told Miyoung that it was because of the stars in his eyes that really drew me in, she advised me to keep that part to myself, which I did, because I knew that the others wouldn't understand. Baekhyun, himself, would probably even call me weird or crazy for that reason, so I kept it to myself and her…and now also Sehun. Someone pulls out a deck of cards and I'm pulled back out of my thoughts as Miyoung nudged me gently again. The cards are dealt and we're about to start the game when Baekhyun shouts from across the room, "Yah! I want to play too!" The dealer laughs and swiftly deals a card pile for Baekhyun as well.

                "Hey—Soojin! Save me a seat! I want to grab a drink first!" Baekhyun laughs and points at me before disappearing back into the kitchen. I feel a little flutter in my stomach and only shake my head as I pretended to groan while scooting over closer to the couch as Miyoung got up to share the couch seats with Sehun and the others. We start the game just as Baekhyun rushes over and plops down next to me with an unopened can in his hands. He nudges my arm playfully while catching his breath, "Thanks." I only send him a joking irritated look when he laughs and flicks me in the head lightly before putting down the can and grabbing his cards.

                "Where's Heeyun? She should play with us, too." I look up, but his beautiful girlfriend is nowhere in sight. I look back to Baekhyun just in time to catch the stars shining brightly in his eyes again as he grinned, "Oh, her agent called and told her meet up with him so that they could go talk to a photographer in town and get a potential photo shoot offer. So she left ten minutes ago." I'm about to ask more questions when he bumps his knee with mine and nods at the coffee table to let me know that it was my turn. I turn my attention back to the cards on the table and then glance at mine. Then I hurriedly pluck out the card that I needed to and placed it down onto the table. Baekhyun was quick to go after me with a satisfied chuckle as if he was already winning even though we had just started the game.

                "And you're okay with that?" I wonder to myself and then realize that I must have murmured it when Baekhyun shrugs and smiles back at me cheerfully, "Yeah. I mean, it's just a meeting with her agent and a photographer. She said that she'd text me to let me know the details and when she's coming back." I had more questions, but I smiled back at him without asking. I didn't want to be nosy. But he must have been able to read my mind as he continued on gently, "I'm used to this and I'm okay with it because it's part of her job and her dream. So I want to be as supportive as I can, since I can't do much right now with me still being in University." He grins again, but it doesn't reach his eyes and I get a small knot in my stomach. For the slightest second, I swore that I saw the happy and always hyper Baekhyun look insecure and unsure of his self.

                "Don't worry, dumb Baek." I quickly assure him, "She's with you for a reason. You always do what you can for her and you have the patience of a gazillion men put together. I'm sure she knows that and appreciates having a considerate boyfriend like you. Even if you're an airhead and even though you whine a lot." I jokingly and he laughs. This time, his smile reaches his eyes. I stare back at him and feel the knot in my stomach loosen up. Butterflies replace the tension I feel as his eyes glimmered with star lights again. He suddenly leans in and for a moment my breath gets caught in my throat. Then he suddenly grabs a card from my hand and throws it onto the table as he clicks his tongue at me, "Come on, Soojin! You're slowing everyone down! Pay attention!"

                "Cheater!" I snap and smack him lightly in the arm while everyone else laughs as the game continued and we all chatted to catch up with each other.

 

 

Its a few days later and I'm still sitting inside the café at the usual booth by the window where Baekhyun and I would always sit. I glance at my phone again to double check the time even though there was a huge clock on the wall opposite of me. I remembered him practically begging me last week to meet up with him on this day at exactly 1PM to help him with memorizing lines for another upcoming audition. But the time read half past two, meaning that I've been sitting here for an hour and a half already.

                I glance at my phone once more and swipe it open to see if he had replied to my texts, but there were none. So I sighed in defeat and reluctantly got up to leave. I really should've ordered a coffee or something to go before leaving, so that it wouldn't have seemed like I was just loitering inside the café. Then again, I was a regular, so the staff probably didn't mind as I left empty handed and started for home. I toyed with my phone in my hands and sighed out loud to myself.

                Something didn't feel right, but I tried to brush the thoughts aside. After all, Heeyun was in town and it's totally understandable that Baekhyun would want to spend as much time as he could with her before she left again. Still, it would have been nice to get a heads up that he wasn't going to meet up with me today, especially since he was the one that scheduled me to meet up with him. He usually did. Even if it was just five minutes, Baekhyun usually texted me to let me know ahead of time if he was going to be late; it felt weird to have waited almost two hours for him and not receive a single call or heads up. I chew my bottom lip a bit and shrug to myself as I shuffled my feet slowly towards the corner where Baekhyun and I always went our separate ways.

                "I can't believe I'm doing this." I inwardly groan because the nagging feeling in my stomach was only growing bigger and bigger. I stopped playing with my phone and stare down at the screen, trying to silently talk myself out of what I was planning to do. It was really no used though, because I ended up swiping my phone open. I don't text Baekhyun this time.

 

Do you know where Baek is?

- soojin

 

I press send and instantly regretted it.

 

You just can't wait to hop on his

since Heeyun left a little early, huh?

Pls chill your . Let the man breath.

- chen

 

                 I couldn't choose between gasping in shock and screeching in disgust at his reply, so the inhumane noise that I made sounded like something similar to a gurgling squeak. Although his mean reply had disheartened me, I still dialed him up. Chen picked up right away and groaned exaggeratedly, "Hellooooooo, you've reached Jongdae. He can't come to the phone right now because he doesn't give a damn about you trying to stalk down Byun Baek. Leave your desperate message at the bee—"

                "Heeyun left already?" I gasped in shock while trying not to let his douche bag of an attitude get to me. I could almost hear the frown in his voice as he replied, "Yeah, you didn't know that?" I felt a sudden drop in my stomach and stopped walking to glare at the bus stop sign in front of me as if it was Chen as I answered calmly, "No. I didn't. Nobody even said a thing to me. How did I not hear about this from anyone?"

                "Oh…well, her agent was able to book her a photoshoot with the photographer who was in town and the photoshoot is overseas…Baekhyun dropped her off at the airport around noon. So I assumed that you were going to—" I cut him off angrily as I quoted him, "Hop on his . Yeah, shut up, Chen. You know that I don't see Baek that way. I texted you because I assumed you would know where he was since he hasn't replied to any of my texts." Usually I didn't care what the hell Chen threw at me. He liked to get on my nerves to try and embarrass me in front of Baekhyun every second that he had. I've gotten used to it, but right now wasn't a good time to piss me off.

                "Maybe he got sick of seeing your face and he's taking a break." Chen muttered on the other end before I snapped back at him, "Look, . Baekhyun asked me to help him practice his lines today. I waited a ing hour and a half and this guy never showed up. You should know of all people that Baekhyun never stands anyone up. God, why do you people always have to make me justify that I'm not ing in love with him?! I'm worried and so I called you—and thanks, but no thanks—I don't need your stupid smartass comments right now. Bye." I was just about to hang up when Chen blurted, "Wait!" I grunted irritably, but waited.

                "Okay, I'm sorry. Look, I've been texting him too and he hasn't replied. Chanyeol called him as well, but we're not getting anything. We've checked around the University campus a couple times already, but we can't find the dumb kid. Plus I'm already trying not to freak out here, but having you call me is making freak out about stupid Baek." He stammered a bit on his end and I felt the anger quickly simmer away. I turned around and glanced back the way that I came from.

                "Where did you guys look?" I asked as calmly as I could.

                "We checked pretty much every where that we usually hung out and the library; as well as all the floors in the Union building." He answered back quickly and I tried to rack my brain for places that Baekhyun could be when Chen sighed in defeat, "He was really disappointed that Heeyun was leaving early so at first, Chanyeol and I didn't worry much because we knew that he would like some space." There was a moment of silence and I knew that he was trying to hint at me to leave Baekhyun alone as well. So I sighed, "Okay, I'll do tha—" I didn't get to finish as he interrupted me swiftly, "B—But if you find him—cheer him up or something!"

                "Uh—" I paused, surprised because I had never heard Chen stutter before.

                "You're super annoying and always clinging on to Baekhyun, so you should know how to make him feel better." Chen blurted on his end and my jaw dropped as he added quickly, "Yeah, let me know if you find him. Bye." Then he hung up right away so that I didn't get a chance to respond. I pulled my phone away from my ear and realized that my jaw was still hanging. Closing my mouth, I tried to blink away my surprise as I spun around slowly and mapped out the school campus buildings in my head. If Chen and Chanyeol had already scoured campus and couldn't find Baekhyun, wouldn't that mean that he wasn't on campus? So what would be my chances of even finding him? And even if I did, how would I be able to cheer him up if it was his girlfriend's leave that made him sad? She was the one thing that I always talked to him about to cheer him up before. My phone buzzes and I quickly pull it up, but sighed in disappointment when I saw that it wasn't from Baekhyun, but from Miyoung.

 

Hey, are you and B almost done practicing?

Sehun's in class and I want to grab something

 to eat, but I don't want to go alone.

- miyoung

 

                I feel a slight twinge of guilt twist in my stomach as I texted back.

 

Baek ditched. Just found out Heeyun

left today. Chen said he's not replying

to anyone. Looking for him rn so I can't.

Sorry :(

- soojin

 

                I press send and hold my breath, praying that Miyoung would understand.

 

Okay. Be careful and stay safe!

Text me when you're heading back.

- miyoung

 

                I look up and check both ways of the street, then crossed and headed towards the Arts building. I had no idea where to start, but the Arts building was the nearest building, so I decided to just go with it. I hurried across the court yard and pulled open the doors to get in. It was quiet. I would've entered the auditorium where they usually put on plays, but both doors were locked. So I headed around and turned the corner. I was about to go down the hall when I realized that there were classes in session, so I quickly turned and went down the stairs instead.

                I hurried into the dimly lit halls and wandered around. I'm pretty sure that I'm lost, but I still had no clue where to go to find Baekhyun. I turned the corner and sighed softly to myself when I heard a muffled voice from behind me. On instinct, I turned to search for the source of the noise and found the door by the corner wall slightly opened. I didn't think much and only headed over to check it out. Part of my brain shouted at me to continue my search for Baekhyun, but the other part of me was too curious. A lot of the rooms down here were bigger and made to hold mini stages for acting classes. I had only seen one room before and I really wanted to sneak a peek.

                "She rejected my proposal to pursue her dream of becoming a ballerina." I pushed the door open a tiny bit and saw that no one was in the room. Frowning, I stepped in quietly and glanced around and felt a chill shoot down my back. The room was completely empty, but I swore that I just heard someone rehearsing their lines. I take a couple more steps into the room and turn to look at the small stage and the black curtains when someone suddenly whipped the curtain aside.

                "Ohmygod!" I burst and grabbed my chest as I stumbled back from complete shock.

                "Soojin?" Baekhyun's eyes widened in surprise as he quickly stepped down from the stage.

                "You gave me a freaking heart attack!" I blurted and tried to catch my breath as he hurried over to where I was standing. A small half grin broke upon his lips as he chuckled lightly, "You're the one who surprised me—how did you know that I was here?" He reached over and pulled a chair aside for me to sit on as I continued to clutch my chest, feeling like my heart was about to jump out and explode. I plopped into the chair and shrugged, "I didn't. I just came in because I wanted to see what the room looked like." He made a face as he pulled a second chair over and sat in it.

                "Okay, I mean I was looking for you and then I got distracted. I didn't think that I was going to find you anyways." I cross my arms and semi glared back at him as I snapped sarcastically, "Thanks by the way, for ditching out on me." Baekhyun's eyes widened and he swiftly got up from his chair. He stepped back up on stage and rushed behind the curtains. I listened to his trampling footsteps until he popped back out from behind the stage with his phone in hand as he gasped, "Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Soojin—I totally forgot!" His jaw was hanging slack as he looked back up my way. I roll my eyes at him and shake my head, "Liar. You just didn't want to talk to anyone." The shock on his face slowly melted into guilt as his shoulders slumped at the tiniest.

                "Next time, just give us a heads up that you need some alone time. That way, we won't assume stupid things." I sighed and uncross my arms as I gradually got up from my chair. He turned his attention elsewhere and hesitated quietly. I watched him and felt a black hole start to form in my stomach. He had the same look in his eyes from Saturday night. The stars didn't shine in his eyes. In fact, it almost seemed like they had disappeared completely from those beautiful brown eyes. The black hole started to form a hard knot in my guts and I inwardly sighed, "I'll see you—" I started to turn back towards the door when he stopped me.

                "Hey." He paused for a while and then looked back to me with a charming smile, "Since you're already here. Let's just continue practicing." He walked over to the edge where he had left his backpack and pulled out his script. Baekhyun walked over to me with a cheerful grin as he handed me the script, but I wasn't fooled. His smile didn't reach his eyes and so even if it appeared graceful, it wasn't real. Even when his voice didn't falter and he sounded perfectly composed; his eyes still gave away the truth. He obviously didn't want to talk about it, so I didn't say anything as I took the script and flipped it to the page that he told me he to go to. I put my bag down onto my chair and then follow Baekhyun back to the stage.

                "So..." I start slowly when he stopped and turned back around to face me, "Who am I playing?"

                "All my lines are highlighted, so just read the non-highlighted." He nodded softly and I looked down to realize that he was right. Slightly embarrassed, I quickly nodded back and laughed a tiny bit, "Oh! Right! Okay, then—" I panicked for a moment, forgetting what do to and then swiftly caught myself as I remembered how we always started our mini practice rehearsals, "Scene!"

                "She rejected my proposal to pursue her dream of becoming a ballerina." Baekhyun instantly fell into character and I almost forgot that he was only acting. I quickly divided my attention away from him and focused on the script in my hands, "Ah, really? How could a commoner reject the crown prince like that?" I clear my throat a little as Baekhyun picked up his line flawlessly, "Don't speak about her like that. Do not compare her to a commoner like yourself!"

                "Excuse you!" I shot back at him, reading my lines as clearly and as emotionally angered as I could manage, "What's so bad about being a commoner?! You make it sound like a bad thing—whether you like it or not, she is as much as a commoner as I am!"

                "She is not! She is on a different level than you!" Baekhyun snapped back at me sounding infuriated. I glanced back at him and see that he has completely immersed himself into character, so I continue on and do my best to keep my voice steady, "Well, if you liked her so much then why aren't you chasing after her instead of marrying me?!"

                "Because I'm in love with her!" His outburst echoed against the walls of the room and bounced back around both of us. He said his line, but it didn't sound rehearsed like he had meant to say it as his character. I nervously in a deep breath and look back to Baekhyun when he continued on in frustration, "Don't you get it?! I'm ing in love with her—and I can't just make her stay here with me! She has big dreams and she's set on reaching them! I can't hold her back from that—I can't clip off her wings—she's like a bird! She's meant to fly—I want her to be happy, Soojin!" An angry tear slipped out of Baekhyun's left eye and slid down his flushed cheek as his chest heaved up and down heavily as if he had just ran a marathon. I stare back at him in silence, because I could see anger, sadness, insecurity, and a bunch of other emotions mixed in his eyes at the same time. I know that he wants a reply, but I wait until his breathing slows down a bit before I finally ask as softly as I can.

                "But…are you happy, Baekhyun?" I tighten my hold on his script in my hands as a different look falls upon his face. He almost looks defeated as he lets out a heavy sigh, "Of course, I am." I keep my eyes on his face to try and pick out any lies if he tried to feed them to me, but there was only truth in his eyes as he loosened up, "I'm happy that everything is going well and picking up its pace for her. I'm just…I just feel so useless. Why am I so useless?" His voice cracks just the slightest, but I hear it.

                "Baekhyun—" I drop the script and was about to walk over to him.

                "I am­—" He started and I stayed still when he closed the distance between us in one step. I part my lips, about to tell him to stop, when he suddenly leans in and I freeze. My muscles stiffen and all my joints locked up as my jaw dropped when Baekhyun leaned forwards to rest his head on my shoulder. Hot drips dampened my shirt sleeve and soaked up against my shoulder as he whispered barely above a murmur, "I'm scared…that she'll leave me because I can't do anything for her, here. I'm worried that she'll find another man someday that can do so much more than what I can do for her—and then she'll leave. She's working so hard and I'm just stuck here in school. I love her so much, but I can't do anything for her. I am useless." His shoulders shook softly as he sniffed and I felt more crystal droplets fall from his eyes and soak into my sleeve. And for the first time in a very long time, I kept my mouth shut, because I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of anything to say and I felt a slight horror mixed with guilt at my own selfish realization.

                I was also scared, but only because I didn't want the stars to fade from his eyes.

 

 


gahhhh! hi everyone! I just couldn't help myself >///< I have so much baek feels, but I've written so many tirelessly ty scenes/fics about him. I wanted to try to give him a different and more realistic charater. I also wanted to focus on romance on a less dramatic level ahahaha. You all know that I love drama, but I'm aiming for a more "slice of life" feel in this short. I don't know how many chapters this "short" will be (because if you've read my other shots, they're not actually that short even when I call them short/oneshot lol oops, sorry!) but it probably won't be too long. Really focusing on baek's insecurities here and hoping that you'll catch on a little to how much effort/work he's putting into his relationship ! hope that this chapter wasn't too boring !  

♥ e

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Baekhyunsoul
#1
Chapter 2: Oh Wowww I see I was in 2021 lol. Same sentiment as then - I sincerely hope it gets finished one day. It was a beautiful start
Baekhyunsoul
#2
Chapter 2: This made my heart clench for him! I know this story is like six years old, but I sincerely hope you see this and come back to it one day
Baekhyunsoul
#3
Chapter 1: I know this feeling…. When you love seeing someone you like happy
Fairy_Exol #4
Chapter 2: Dear author please continue this story.. This story is a gem. Please
AiiSoo #5
Chapter 2: Wow... There's only 2 chapters but the story tells a lot already. This is a great story and i love your writing. Thanks for writing and sharing it here on AFF.
drmstcks
#6
Chapter 2: This story is a gem!!!!
onlyixing
#7
Chapter 2: please update this story i love it so much :(
qwertyuiop987 #8
Chapter 2: Pls update this story :((((
Eri_Byun #9
AUTHOR NIM PLEASE UPDATE THIS STORY T^T
Eri_Byun #10
PLEASE UPDATE THIS STORY T_T