Heechul is a girl disguised as a boy. Hankyung is a tough mafia heir, disguised as an innocent Chinese dancer. Kangin is a gay guy disguised as a striaght guy playing a gay guy. Leeteuk is a straight guy disguised as Kangin's boyfriend, Kyuhyun, as a non-criminal, Donghae, as a normal boy, Ryeowook, a cool princely type. Why all the façades? To make this awful idea of a boyband, Super Junior, stay afloat...even while everyone is rooting for its failure.

Pairings: Hanchul, Kangteuk, Kyumin, Eunhae, Sibum, Yewook

failed pairings: sichul, eunmin, kyuwook, kihae...ninja!hansung...

The Case File of SMent:

Name: Kim Heechul

Gender: Female

Birthday: July 10, 1983

Height: 172 cm

notes: a decent voice, but altogether not the right image. too boyish and arrogant to be in a girl group.

SJ profile: disguise as boy, put in boy band...problem solved.

Status: REJECTED

Fanservice partner: Siwon

Name: Hangeng, Hankyung

Gender: Male

Birthday: February 9, 1983

Height: 183 cm

Notes: had so much hopes for this guy...but arrogant, petulant, cusser, no respect for authority, doesn't want to be there, offensive, and rude.

SJ profile: innocent Chinese idol, with helplessly bad Korean....how to get him to agree to do that? Still a mystery.

Fanservice partner: his response: "go to hell, I have a girlfriend"

Status: REJECTED

Name: Park Jungsoo, Leeteuk

Gender: Male

Birthday: July 1, 1983

Height: 176 cm

Notes: good kid, but mediocre in all things...doesn't have that "star" factor

SJ profile: leader of the group...let's see how this works out.

Fanservice partner: Kangin...but he's totally straight.

Status: REJECTED

Name: Kim Youngwoon, Kangin

Gender: Male

Birthday: January 17, 1985

Height: 180

Notes: too manly to be a successful idol star.

SJ profile: Leeteuk's hubby and protector...a bumbling bear that has a sweet side.

Fanservice pairing: Leeteuk

Status: REJECTED

Name: Lee Sungmin

Gender: Male

Birthday: January 1, 1986

Height: 175 cm

Notes: incredibly talented, but very gay...was found making out with a man behind stage.

SJ Profile: aegyo pprince, with a strong manly MANLY side

Fanservice pairing: Eunhyuk

Status: REJECTED

Name: Cho Kyuhyun

Birthday: February 3, 1988

Height: 180 cm

Notes: EVIL. CRIMINAL. STAY AWAY. should be in prison for all the emotional damage he caused the company.

SJ profile: cute maknae

Fanservice partner: Kim Ryeowook

Status: REJECTED

Name: Choi Siwon

Birthday: February 10, 1987

Height: 185 cm

Notes: perfect. good kid, dedicated, nice face and body, all around success.

SJ profile: fanservice king. SHOULD NOT spend more than five minutes with his shirt on. this is a rule.

Fanservice pairing: Heechul

status: ACCEPTED

Name: Kim Kibum

Birthday: August 1, 1987

Height: 179 cm

Notes: normal, uninteresting...wait, who was he, again?

SJ profile: cool, levelheaded princely type.

Fanservice partner: Donghae

Status: REJECTED

Name: Lee Hyuk Jae, Eunhyuk

Birthday: April 4, 1986

Height: 176 cm

Notes: Awkward, middle schooler personality. doesn't have the 'cool vibe' an idol needs.

SJ profile: Cool, playboy, magnet

Fanservice partner: Sungmin

Status: REJECTED

Name: Lee Dong Hae

Birthday:October 16, 1986

Height: 176 cm

Notes: cute, but incredibly retarded and weird. In his own world. Always

SJ profile: Princely, gentlemanly, tender soul

Fanservice partner: Kibum

Name: Kim Jong Woon, Yesung

Birthday: August 24, 1984

Height: 178 cm

Notes: WEIRD. just really weird, and makes everyone want to stay away from him. far, far away.

SJ profile: 4d, dreamy...no one really was able to change him, so it basically stays the same.

Fanservice partner: Hankyung. (reaction: "fml I'm gonna die, and I don't even like him.")

Status: REJECTED

Note: some small details were changed (making a couple people just few cm shorter or taler, changing heechul's gender, birthdays, etc.)